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Thread: How long before we put a label on it?

  1. #1
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    Default How long before we put a label on it?


    I've been dating a guy for a month now. And we see each other about four times a week (3 times because of college, we spend all of those 3 days together) and at least once on a date etc or we also hang out after college and go on a date on the weekend.

    Anyway, we have done everything but have sex.

    And we haven't put the boyfriend/girlfriend label on our relationship yet.

    I've met both his parents and to his dad he said "this is Silverpen....she's my ...... she keeps me company on the way to college"

    So it's sort of awkward because neither of us know exactly how to introduce the other....

    Is it too soon to bring up the boyfriend/girlfriend thing?

    And should I wait till he is my boyfriend to have sex with him? We both really like each other and im confident in our relationship but I don't know if i should wait for that label...or if I should even be asking this question at this point in time. Maybe wait another month?

  2. #2
    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) FEBRUARY 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array stressed's Avatar
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    I think you should wait for a while, it will happen naturally. One month is not a lot of time, but you have met his parents and that is a very good sign. He probably feels as confused as you do about it, but it will change.

    You can have sex with him when you feel you want to and when you feel he also wants the same. Labels don't matter at all. You can either have sex with him before or after the bf/gf stage, I don't think it matters. It's more important that you enjoy his company, you like his personality and can't wait until the next time you see him. The rest will just happen in time.

  3. #3
    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    Wait till he asks you. As of now, you should not make it any obvious to him that you are fixated on him. Show him he is not the whole world to you, don't be overly available to him. Learn to say no or ask for a little bit more time (re-schedule - as you have a commitment that day/time), just so he knows you are not so crazy about him and that you are grounded.

    If you've waited long enough (2 months, maybe) and still he doesn't ask, then, time for you to open up. Ask where you stand, let him feel that he is not the only guy in the world. Some dating coaches actually advise circular dating until you are exclusive (wherein the guy asks for it).

    When it comes to sex, it would be wise to do so when you are sure you are exclusive (emotional and health reasons).
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by caterpillar79 View Post
    Wait till he asks you. As of now, you should not make it any obvious to him that you are fixated on him. Show him he is not the whole world to you, don't be overly available to him. Learn to say no or ask for a little bit more time (re-schedule - as you have a commitment that day/time), just so he knows you are not so crazy about him and that you are grounded.

    If you've waited long enough (2 months, maybe) and still he doesn't ask, then, time for you to open up. Ask where you stand, let him feel that he is not the only guy in the world. Some dating coaches actually advise circular dating until you are exclusive (wherein the guy asks for it).

    When it comes to sex, it would be wise to do so when you are sure you are exclusive (emotional and health reasons).
    Why is it always the man who has to ask if they are exclusive? Why can't she ask him? You seem to suggest that she should play hard to get by not giving any signs that she likes him, why? I mean if I was dating a girl and we was on the edge of becoming a couple and she start playing hard to get that would be a huge turn off.... offcourse I don't speak for all men but thats just my oppinion.

  5. #5
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    You know, I actually asked the question... "So, I guess this means I shouldn't be dating anyone else now?" and to that, I got a reply of " Nup, your my girlfriend".

    As for sex, he obviously hasn't tried, bought it up, asked you for it, so to me, it should be a "two way thing", where it just happens, where the both of you, are ready...

    I don't think you have to put a time limit on it... If, your in a relationship, you will know, because you won't just be hanging out, you'll be holding hands, or looking into each other's eyes, as well as being friends, things like that.

    Let the sex happen naturally, that's when it will mean more to both of you.

    If your un-sure of whether you are a girlfriend, or a friend he hangs out with, then there is no body language, kissing, going on.. but that doesn't mean you can't pose the question, he may be a gentleman waiting for you to let him know what you think, how you feel about the relationship.

    Either way, you get to find out and ease your mind...

    No one is a mind reader. Communicate.

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

  6. #6
    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    You enjoy him.
    He enjoys you.
    You're having fun together.
    You're sexually attracted.
    Emotionally attracted.
    You both like spending time together.
    He brings you around his family.


    = If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like a duck, then it's a duck. You don't have to put a "Hi I'm a DUCK" label on it to make it so. And if it's NOT a duck, then putting a duck label on it, still won't make it a duck.

    Make sense?

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