What am I supposed to do?

**overwhelmed** · 05-03-2010 09:15 AM

My boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 weeks when he told me he had been addicted to porn since he was 12 years old. I thought this was a big deal but that as long as he was working on it we could get through. Then last night he told me that he masturbates a lot. We are not intimate in that way nor will we be at least for a while. I thought this was also another blow, but it got 10 times worse. He told me this after 6 weeks of dating. He said that he had been intimate with his younger brother one time a year before, then stressed that he was not gay and did not think anything of men. I did not know what to say. I was shocked and disgusted. He said that he was ashamed at the time he did it and that he was ashamed now and that he disgusted himself. He said that he is working on his addiction to porn and hasn't looked at it for almost a year and that he is trying to forget the past. What do I say? How do I talk to him?

**Anon_1990** · 05-03-2010 09:24 AM

As for porn, dont worry he is a male afterall! He doesn't look at it now he is with
you so.....

As for masturbating, again, he's male. I'm male ad I can personally say, when me and my ex went for ages without beig intimate, we were playing with each other from day one, but went for a while because we didn't get the chance, I would masturbate! You gotta releive the build up of sperm and frustration!!

So, that's two down. Now the biggy! That is a little bit messed up... Incest is wrong, you don't get intimate with siblings or cousins!! But let him put it behind him, yes it's shadey but it's in the past! It happened before you dated, it's done and dusted, enjoy your relationship, and it's been 6 weeks, maybe you could get intimate, start with handjobs and fingering, maybe some making out.

That's two very minor issues and one major one sorted.

**Mes T** · 05-03-2010 03:16 PM

Well seems like a pattern of increasing shockers he's throwing at you... and so early into the relationship.

To be honest, if you're not too attached yet, I would say to move on to someone else. That incest thing is a huge turnoff, for me anyway, and with a male? That would raise too many suspicions for me.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-03-2010 03:52 PM

If his younger brother is much younger, it might not just be an incest situation but also a molestation situation.... your boyfriend being the abuser.

Do you know what kind of porn your boyfriend looks at? Although he tells you he is not gay, that doesn't mean he doesn't have other issues that can greatly impact your relationship, his future and the future safety of others.

I don't know if you mean his younger brother is close in age or is a minor child, and the answer to that question would lead to slightly different advise...

But overall I think that if you havn't been with this man long... it would be good to seperate yourself from him. Are you on a long distance relationship? Or is it moral reasons why you too won't be intimate for a long time?

Either way I think thats a rather good idea ... to not be intimate with him yet, or ever. Don't think your lack of intimacy is leading him to depraved acts...or that you being with him will prevent them.

If he's interested in boys or is a sex addict with zero impulse control is really the same thing. You're headed down a road of heartache unless you plan on ignoring all your boyfriend has told you and playing the dillusional gf, then wife role of a lifetime.

The excessive porn is damaging to any relationship, depending on the kind of porn... ack, he may be becoming dependant on images of things he should not be sexually excited by.

The term ' Porn Creep '... comes to mind... its when excessive porn use can damage a persons ability to have a normal healthy relationship with a living breathing human being.

Occasional, non violent, legal porn mixed with masturbation is pretty normal and masturbation even frequently is normal especially if he is not in a sexual relationship.

But the thing with his brother is highly worrisome. There are some things that all the love in the world, all the understanding, all the psychotherapy and even hormonal treatments cannot seem to fix.