Advice PLEASE!

**ChrisMarie** · 05-06-2010 01:47 AM

I've been dating this guy for almost a month now, everything is going great with him. He's been married and divorced, and has 3 kids.. he is also 15 years older then I am. I havn't told my parents, I'm 20 and still live at home, and I feel like I should, the only problem is I'm not sure how to start the converstion or what I should tell them.

any advice would be great! thanks

**Mes T** · 05-06-2010 02:26 AM

Be careful. Seems like he has a LOT more life experience than you. I've seen this happen time and time again: A woman dates a significantly older man and ends up losing her potential and her own identity to him. You don't want to date him for 10 years and then suddenly realize that you haven't had the chance to live a life, ya know?

As for your question, maybe you don't have to tell them everything about him all at once. Just start off by saying you're dating an older guy and he seems awesome. And then if your relationship continues and things get more serious, you could reveal the other stuff.

**Joey** · 05-18-2010 03:59 AM

Mes T is spot on (as always

)

Also, if you feel worried, scared or not sure how to tell your family about him - deep down you must know that it may be the wrong decision.

When you find someone you really like, and it just feels right, regardless of age you feel somewhat confident in telling others about them.

I can see why you would be cautious about telling your family - not just because of the age difference, but because of the amount of so called baggage hes carrying.

Your only 20. Are you really ready to be with someone who has had that much more life expereince then you?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-22-2010 10:59 PM

Chris, I'm wondering, seeing as he's 15 years older, have you had this conversation with him? And, has he supported the idea?

A man 35 years of age, should be wise enough to give you advise on how to broach the subject, whilst also standing by you on it, if he is falling in love with you...

I'd ask for his support and advise on it and would love if you do, do that, to tell us what he stated back to you.

Off course, your family will initially have fear and maybe what would be good is to meet him, be an Adult about this with them if they try to make you feel you are not yet, remember you live in their home, and so you need to be able to communicate .

Have a word with him as I also feel you need his support, so your not doing this alone.

Look forward to hearing how it goes.

CW

**rcoreyus** · 05-23-2010 12:43 AM

I'll second (or about 5th at this point) what Mes_T said. If this were just non-serious dating for both of you, I'd say great, but if either of you is hoping for something long term, you should tread very carefully.

With such a large age difference there is a natural power imbalance in the relationship that can be a real problem. He probably has the money and the world experience. You are young enough to be his daughter and there will be a tendency for him to treat you that way.

**Silktear** · 05-23-2010 12:06 PM

Hi age shouldnt be an issue but he has 3 kiddies who im sure are great and your a young lady starting out in ur life's journey, i think it would be pretty selfish on his part to allow this relationship to go ahead just due to the fact he has tasted life and as you know come's with baggage, an unselfish man would say " look i want you to have the opertunity to experience life and all the experiences it has to offer you. im sure it's flattering to have a man of that age interested but honestly i think you should travel, go out, date, study

I wish you all the best x Kate.

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