new boyfriend....first real relationship...what to do?

**belleisangelic** · 05-06-2010 06:04 AM

I'm 21 years old and this guy is my very first real relationship..I had a boyfriend before but that literally lasted a week and a half because I was dating him to make my mother happy. Now, I've met someone far more accepting of me, more my type of guy that seems to understand me..however, even though we've been friends for almost 2 years..and have just recently declared a relationship with each other..he still doesn't know that he's technically the first.

I really don't know how to be a good girlfriend. I get so jealous and curious when friends of mine have boyfriends for 3 years and longer, anniversaries and things like that. We are intimate with each other, but we balance out our social lives and our bedroom life as to keep it from being a solely sexual relationship.

long story short, I just want to be the best girlfriend ever for this guy, I don't want him to lose interest in me or cheat on me..I especially don't want him to start losing attraction to me and my personality...advice?

**Mes T** · 05-06-2010 06:13 AM

Honey. Just be yourself. Be the person you want to be for YOU. And the right guy for you will stay with you as long as you remain true to what YOU want.

If this guy will ever lose interest in you or cheat on you, there's pretty much nothing you can do to stop that. I think all we can do in relationships is go with the flow and not think about what COULD or MIGHT happen.

Be open with each other, honest, share your feelings, have patience and understanding, be up for new experiences... and you're bound to get a lot out of this relationship.

**grrrr** · 05-06-2010 06:33 AM

I think that the fact that you've been friends for 2 years is a great foundation.... clearly you BOTH enjoy one another and the personalities that coinside with that.

Other than that, Mes_T is spot on - as usual!

Don't get all bunged up in your own mind - self-sabotage is never a good thing!

**jns** · 05-06-2010 06:47 AM

Try to keep your jealousy in check. Most guys will see that as a liability. Be attentive and sweet. This is what I like and I think many other guys like the same. He should be the same to you.

See how assertive or how docile he likes you to be and be that as far as you can be. You may find some times he likes you assertive and other times he likes you docile. Don't go outside of your personality by very much, because you may not be able to keep it up. Mix it up some, though, so you aren't too predictable.

Keep some space and time to yourself, even if you fall in love. It will keep you from being clingy or seeming desperate. It may be hard, but the time together will be that much better. If he is really into you, he will go through the same highs and lows with your time together being the highs.

There is an old saying: "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach". If you can cook good meals for him, it may strengthen the relationship on many levels. You are making something for him with you own hands, you are concerned about his nutrition and you are making something he likes. He should respond by thanking you and wanting to do things for you.

Others should chime in with other suggestions.

**drchandra** · 05-06-2010 06:56 AM

Although many women underestimate the "stomach thing" it is less relevant early in the relationship. It isn't even execution, it is effort. "Hey, sweetie, how do you like the burned toast, bacon, and eggs" If genuine remorse and contrition is involved a real man will say "This is good". Then attempt to jump her bones.

**rcoreyus** · 05-06-2010 07:22 AM

Enjoy your time with him. Too many people work too hard at making a relationship work, and forget to have fun. A happy person is much more attractive than an unhappy one.

**canadien** · 05-08-2010 01:46 AM

I agree with all the other posts. Just be yourself. I'm in the same boat as you, I'm in my very first relationship, and I'm unsure of things at times, but you just have to be confident and be yourself. If he's a keeper, he'll love your personality and who you truly are. Relationships shouldn't be an act, but a fusion of two personalities.

**heryseshta** · 05-08-2010 06:50 PM

Be yourself, and learn how he shows affection. If it's through touch then make sure you touch him lots. Just let him know that you appreciate him. Just do little signs of affection and appreciation for the things he does for you. My boyfriend and I give each other random massages, hold hands, cuddle in non sexual as well as sexual ways and tell each other how much we love the other.

**belleisangelic** · 05-08-2010 10:55 PM

Thank you all SO much for your replies, I can't tell you how at ease I am now just reading your helpful comments.
the boyfriend is so sweet..he said to me when we were dating that clingy girls turn him off...the ones that ring and text all the time...so I'm careful not to do that...but actually..he's the one texting me most of time haha!

I've learned from friends that men value their space, but not so much space that they feel ignored. So I balance my time with him and my time with family and friends, we're both not working yet since it's finals time at University, so we have alot of free time, but the distance sure makes things more intense when we do see each other. *sigh* I miss the care bear now haha.