Help! I need a woman's perspective

**I_Am_A_Man** · 05-08-2010 04:27 AM

This really pretty girl I used to work with always calls me and wants to hang out. So lately I have been goin out with her and chillin with her on the wknds, but she has a boyfriend. On more than one occasion, she has complained about him to me and how she is not always 100% into him. She is very flirty with me, she is always the one to initiate the meeting, and she thinks Im "good looking and sexy."

Last two times we have hung out, her bf has been there with us. I like him and he is a cool guy, but I really like her but haven't expressed it too much yet. I can't figure out if she is using me as a tool to make her bf jealous or if she is truly interested in me. Oh yeah, and she once took me to a comedy show on her dime (she had xtra ticket) when her bf was outta town. Yesterday she invited me to go hang out with her but I havent given her a definite answer yet. I have not blown this and I am in a situation to capitalize, BUT - I dont know where to go from here.

How do I tell her I like her without sounding needy and desperate (which I am not, I just really like her). I feel needy/desperate enough hanging out with a girl who has a BF, and I don't wanna be Friend Zoned.

I need a woman's perspective on this. Sometimes I wish I had a sister for this purpose.

Any help is appreciated

**sourpuss** · 05-08-2010 04:40 AM

Well, she has a boyfriend. So in my opinion she's off limits. Even if she did split up with him, then she's on the rebound and you don't want that situation either. Sounds like she likes the attention from you and probably gets attention from her boyfriend when she hangs out with you and/or talks about you.

I think I'd let this one go and focus your attention on someone who is available.

**LanaBear** · 05-08-2010 04:48 AM

Tell her out of respect for her boyfriend, that you need to pull back on hanging out with her. Sp is right, until she's single, she's off limits. If she asks why, well, you're not interested in being friends and that is the only place the relationship is headed.

**I_Am_A_Man** · 05-08-2010 05:09 AM

I hear yall, but I know her bf does not really react when I am around. That, and SHE calls ME, not the other way around. She is initiating contact, not me. My gut says she likes me, but I cannot decide if she is playin games and I dont wanna lose if she is (I know, I have an ego. Dont all guys?). I brush her off sometimes, as in I say no to her attempts at hanging out, but I only do this so that I dont project too much interest, in an attempt to keep feeling her out.

thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

Oh and for the record, I couldn't care less about her boyfriend - I like the guy and all, but he's not gonna stop me if I think I have a chance at her. I know I sound kinda cocky, but Im not cocky, just confident.

**WildChild** · 05-08-2010 05:51 AM

Sounds like she is looking for a back up before she dumps him.

**Vixen** · 05-08-2010 01:27 PM

I think she may be using you. She might not mean to though. It could be that at times were she is unhappy with her bf or feels she is not getting enough attention from him, she will contact you because she knows you will give her attention.

Getting the attention from two males is going to give her confidence but wether or not she has feelings for either of you, who knows except her.

Talk to her ask her what she wants, remember to think about how you would feel if you were in her bfs position though before you take action.

If you like her you will not go after her while she has a bf as you will lose her as a friend.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-08-2010 02:11 PM

Oh and for the record, I couldn't care less about her boyfriend - I like the guy and all, but he's not gonna stop me if I think I have a chance at her. I know I sound kinda cocky, but Im not cocky, just confident.

Your already playing her game... "I can win her over him"....Yet, why is it, he has no fear? Is he that nieve? Or does he know he's safe, that she's an attention seeker, do you want to look stupid? How do you know which way the cards fall.. You don't or else you wouldn't have posted the thread. For the sake of ego, hang about and find out the facts.

I can't figure out if she is using me as a tool to make her bf jealous or if she is truly interested in me.
[/QUOTE]

See? That is exactly what I mean.

She not only has a boyfriend, but brings him along. To meet you at some point.

Your already playing the cards, of " I want to win", in that you may lose...

How do you know? Play the cards back..

Your attitude however, of I will win, mean you have no regard for him, your chasing the skirt. No diff, than a "ready to be cheater" her and she instigated it, you and you become a part of it and if that be the case, can you ever "trust her?"

I would start with the discussion about her relationship, what makes her happy, without asking about her relationship, let her play the cards there... Just start digging, establishing facts, youdr heck bent on winning that your prepared to hurt someone, when you want to win, and when you do you haven't thought through, the consequences, other than you being hurt. What if, she does like you and leaves him?

Will you trust her?

You have to establish, her intentions, so do it with 1 ) what makes you happy... what's your dreams, goals? get to know her and establish.

You don't want to hurt someone for no reason, do you?

CW

**Joey** · 05-08-2010 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by I_Am_A_Man

Oh and for the record, I couldn't care less about her boyfriend - I like the guy and all, but he's not gonna stop me if I think I have a chance at her. I know I sound kinda cocky, but Im not cocky, just confident.

This makes me really sad

Hes not going to stop you if you think you have a chance with her.....hes her BOYFRIEND. That should be enough to stop you!!

Think if the situation was reveresed and it was your girlfried who was hanging out with another guy - and that guy chose to persist her even though she was with you. How would you feel then?

If shes acting like this around you and she has a boyfriend, say hypothetically you did get together with her, whats stopping her from doing it too another guy what she did to you? hanging out with another guy all the time when shes with you. if shes done it before - why cant she do it again?

Your following your d!ck when you need to be useing your brain in this scenerio.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-08-2010 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by I_Am_A_Man

I hear yall, but I know her bf does not really react when I am around.

This could truly be where you are coming into play. Maybe she WANTS him to react. If he is entirely aloof to you being around her being at all threatning to his relationship... he's obviously either confident and trusting (very good things) or he just doesn't really care....

If she is feeling lonely, needy of attention... she calls you, you hang out with her, flirt some, make her feel special and whatnot and its filling a need.

The fact she brings you around her boyfriend would indicate to me that she doesn't see romantic potential in what the two of you have. If she planned on cheating with you, she likely wouldn't introduce you to him, if she had 'feelings' for you, she likely wouldn't want to put you in a position where you have to see him interact with her as 'his'... we chicks all know those are images guys have trouble getting out of their heads.

I think she is using you to make him jealous (and its not working), I think she is turning to you out of boredom, loneliness in her relationship. Its either ego-boost or company she's after, just my opinion.

If you enjoy her company, cool. If you only enjoy being around her because you hope it turns into more... you should probably back it up. Or be upfront with how you feel to gauge her reaction before you invest more of your heart into the situation.