Why do women pull away?

**abc123!!** · 05-10-2010 04:02 PM

I am a good guy and it seems like everytime I am in a relationship things get sour around 5 months. The current one is beginning to pull back and never wants to talk. Can someone explain to me why women pull away and why a woman wouldnt want to talk about whats bothering her? I am a good listener and never try to fix things. I continue to show love and support. Am I smothering her? Does she need time off? Or is there ever time where a guy can be too nice and needs to be an occasional jerk?

**WildChild** · 05-10-2010 04:08 PM

Something is bothering her, we can make guesses and suggest some things to try but the best way to find out is to ask her. Is she physically responsive?

**LanaBear** · 05-10-2010 04:17 PM

I agree with WC. Personally, I pull away if something is bothering me. I do it until I can get my own thoughts wrapped around it enough to talk about it.

What does she say when you ask her, if you do? There is really nothing you can do about it, it's up to her to discuss and talk about it. You can ask and try to talk to her until you are blue in the face, if she doesn't want to talk, she won't.

Has anything happened? Stress from home, work, anything like that? An argument between the two of you?

**prawnprincess** · 05-10-2010 04:52 PM

Of course I don't know what she's thinking, but sometimes if someone is unsure of herself and what she wants, it could cause her to pull away. That sort of thing is usually hard to explain.

**abc123!!** · 05-10-2010 04:55 PM

Ill pm with more details its just confusing for me because you expect women to talk when they are feeling down. . I ask what's wrong and she's nothing or can't explain because she doesn't understand. . Should I give her time and space and let her contact me or keep giving love and support I feel like when women pull away I become more of a pain then a help.

**stressed** · 05-10-2010 06:03 PM

Maybe she wants to talk about something that has to do with you and doesn't know how to tell you.

**jns** · 05-10-2010 06:51 PM

If she has some close woman friends that you are friends with, they may be able to tell you what is going on. Don't confront her with the information or the source as it could interfere with her friendships and your source of future information. Subtly act on it or steer a conversation so you or she comes out with it normally. If she was able to communicate, I would say that is the best way, but her not being able to communicate with you may cause friction unless the situation is handled delicately.

**Mes T** · 05-10-2010 08:12 PM

Interesting that you mentioned that you might be too nice and wondering if she might want a jerk. I think in general that's misinterpreted... It's not that some women want "jerks," it's just that sometimes a "nice" guy can also come across as overly clingy, weak, too shy, or not confident. The opposite of that is someone who is independent but attentive, creating a balance between being loving and caring and also providing space.

Back to the original question... I think with her you could try to just simply say: "I can feel that something is on your mind. I'm not sure how to act right now, so please let me know what you would like me to do. I'll be waiting to listen to whatever you have to say." And leave it at that.

**Explorer44** · 05-10-2010 11:28 PM

I will withdraw somewhat (NOT the silent treatment!) rather than say something that is not what I really intend to say...once I have sorted myself out, I'll share...but I don't mind if there is someone in my life who cares enough to try to help me sort it out...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-11-2010 10:40 AM

If I do what she's doing, it's usually because I feel either incredibly smothered, like perhaps his feelings are moving way quicker than mine, or maybe I'm realizing after being with the person for a few months that maybe I'm just not that into him.

I just know there are way too many women out there to stick around with one that acts like she doesn't really want you around. You shouldn't have to force a relationship or push for her companionship. She either wants you, or she doesn't.

If this was more of a long term relationship, I'd say maybe something else (not the things I mention above), but since it's not, I'd say there is a very good chance she's "just not that into you" and may be feeling like you're way more into her than you should be.

Mes T was spot on regarding the misconception that women want the "jerk". I assure you, we don't. We do, however, want someone who has a life of his own, who is independent, who is self sufficient, who is confident in himself and his abilities, who has more to their life than revolving it 100% around us, and our lives.

If she doesn't want to talk, I'd leave her with this "It seems like things just aren't going the way I'm sure either of us would like lately. I'd be glad to talk with you about it and see if we can figure it out. Otherwise, I'm going to give you your space and if you change your mind about talking, let me know". Then, seriously back off, stop calling, stop worrying, move forward with your life and see what happens.