Is He Right For Me

**Empressaluv** · 05-23-2010 10:35 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months and we are so in love, everything is perfect except for our age, i recently turned 25 and he's 21 going on 22 soon, but the problem is this: I know in a couple years 2-3 i'll be ready to get married and possible start a family but he dont think he'll be ready till he's 30. Should I stick around and hope he settles earlier or just go. I know he's young and deserve to live his life moresome than settling with me. We both thought about letting eachother go but we're too in love and happy together, what should i do?

**kira** · 05-23-2010 10:46 PM

I said I'd never get married and changed my mind in a couple months. I'm sure that's not really abnormal. On top of that I don't believe in ending a relationship just because it might not last as long as you'd like it to. Every person gives and teaches you something and there's no point lessening your happiness on something that may or may not happen. I entered every relationship just planning to enjoy it until it ended since most seem to end eventually for one reason or another. Waiting until everything seems perfect from day 1 probably won't actually get you what you want. Things rarely are the same a month later. From experience perfect can turn horrible and even major issues can disappear over a couple months time.

**caterpillar79** · 05-23-2010 10:52 PM

Originally Posted by Empressaluv

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months and we are so in love, everything is perfect except for our age, i recently turned 25 and he's 21 going on 22 soon, but the problem is this: I know in a couple years 2-3 i'll be ready to get married and possible start a family but he dont think he'll be ready till he's 30. Should I stick around and hope he settles earlier or just go. I know he's young and deserve to live his life moresome than settling with me. We both thought about letting eachother go but we're too in love and happy together, what should i do?

You can stay and enjoy the moment. Be present and not worry about what will be. It is all up to what your heart so desires.

You have to remember though that you must not expect that your BF will change his decision/feelings about it any time soon. If he says he sees himself still single till 30, so be it. Can you handle it? What's the hurry of getting married? Some couples stay together for so long even if they are not married, and they are happy.

What is it that you are really concerned about?

**jns** · 05-23-2010 10:53 PM

If he is really in love with you, he should become more mature faster. That is: want to get a job and provide for family finances, stand up for you over friends, do things that include you, and listen and act on your wants and needs. You should do much the same for him. Communication should be good to great. Your relative ages shouldn't be a big problem. Many guys are responsible at 25. You will have to take a chance and see if he matures by that age. The real question is: are you both willing to commit to such a time-line and to each other?

**Empressaluv** · 05-23-2010 10:56 PM

i'm worried about being old and outta shape when i have kids, my mom went through a misscarriage and i think it had something to do with age, i guess i still wanna look good and young when i get married also

**caterpillar79** · 05-23-2010 11:07 PM

Originally Posted by jns

If he is really in love with you, he should become more mature faster. That is: want to get a job and provide for family finances, stand up for you over friends, do things that include you, and listen and act on your wants and needs. You should do much the same for him. Communication should be good to great. Your relative ages shouldn't be a big problem. Many guys are responsible at 25. You will have to take a chance and see if he matures by that age. The real question is: are you both willing to commit to such a time-line and to each other?

The situation is so tricky. And the more we, women try to understand men, the harder it gets.

Some men enter a relationship just to be in one, nothing for the long term in mind. It is unfair for women who want something more long term. It is somehow a blessing if you are both in the same page the day you met each other - rare but possible!

I got into the relationship not having marriage soon, and I think it was the same way with my partner. Our relationship had been on and off, until I finally decided not to be treated like a yo-yo, so I cut contact even if it really hurt so much. Our time spent apart helped me understand that I wanted more - I was actually ready for a committed relationship leading to marriage. Apparently, it did the same to him. He came out to the open and communicated, professed his love for me. He proposed the day we saw each other again and now we are married (5 months to date). Moral of the story, if the love you both feel for each other is true, and both are ready and willing to step up - it is meant to be.

But still, like I said earlier, OP, it's up to you to decide. If you know what you want and you cannot wait for him, break it off and move on - suffer the consequences, the hurt and pain, nut you will heal. This, you do in hope that you'll be able to find a better man - one who is in the same page as you.

Or, hang in there...keep him...stay in the relationship and live for the moment. If you are happy, why change it? But again, guard your heart.

There really is no one-size fits all...Good luck, dear.

**kira** · 05-23-2010 11:08 PM

If you want married and pregnant now you should probably keep looking but I know many people who didn't have kids until 30-40 and had no problems raising them. Some were just in great shape like my great uncle who at 60 still takes his daughter rock climbing. Some like my dad and a friend of mine just found ways to make due despite health problems. My half sister is 10 years younger than me. In fact most of the people I know who had kids before mid to late 20s ended up divorced or not having time to raise them cause they were busy starting their career. I remember my mom having a heck of a time and snapping occasionally because she was trying to go to college, take over my grandma's business, and raise 2 kids and a puppy. Poor puppy.

**Mes T** · 05-23-2010 11:09 PM

I think once you feel like you've reached a point in the relationship where you CAN, that you should talk to him about some of these thoughts you're having. That you might be ready to start a family sooner than him, give him your reasons, and ask how he feels about that.

Don't worry too much about age on his part, it's not about the number but about where he is in life. I know pleeeeenty of couples, men and women, who married between ages 20 and 23.

**caterpillar79** · 05-23-2010 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by Empressaluv

i'm worried about being old and outta shape when i have kids, my mom went through a misscarriage and i think it had something to do with age, i guess i still wanna look good and young when i get married also

Back then when Science is not far advanced, at age 30, it is harder to conceive, give birth and raise a child. Nowadays, it is way better. Some women can even conceive at 40+ and have no issues.

As long as you take good care of yourself, eat right, and exercise, I think you'll be fine. There is no reason for you to be too concerned about that.

Raising kids at 33 (when he is about 29 to 30-ish) won't be that difficult either. I have a friend who is giving birth in July, she's 34 and she's as vibrant as a 27 year old.

Don't worry about things that are yet to come. Let it worry for itself. You'll grow old faster if you worry a lot. Enjoy the present.

Do you have a medical condition you are concerned about? If so, better discuss it with him - depending on your level of confidence.

**Mes T** · 05-23-2010 11:26 PM

That's a really good point. Growing up I too was worried about being an "old" mother and thus wanting to have kids sooner rather than later.

But now I'm pretty confident that I'll be as active in my 30s as I am now, and frankly I don't expect to be too much older mentally, either.

So the tentative plan for ME, now, is to not have kids until I'm at LEAST 30, if not a few years older than that.

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