Thread: What if your boyfriend is amazing in every way but......

Did you answer his question or keep asking your own instead? This is a huge issue with many men. You figure it out over time. I can read my hubby like a book most of the time. But we have been around each other for almost 20 years.

From the sounds of it you two were having a stand-off.... if you had answered his question would he have then answered yours? (btw... one of my pet peeves is when people answer a question with a question so I feel ya there). Often times people have a difficult time communicating because of the way they were raised or that's just all they have ever known and don't know how to go about communicating.

If the communication is the only problem in this relationship I don't think you should throw it away, he sounds like a great guy. My suggestion to you is to maybe go to the local library or even research online self help books about communication and try some of the tactics that they suggest, a lot of times you can get someone to open up just by wording the question the right way or taking a different approach. If you love this guy and he's good to you don't you think you owe it to the relationship to put forth the effort and figure out a way around this problem.

Another suggestion... (I used to be one of those people that couldn't communicate) is to maybe write him a letter (or e-mail). I know for me prior to figuring out how to effectively communicate I had an easier time opening up when writing it instead of talking to someone face to face. I think the self help books will really help you find ways to take different approaches and help you two communicate with each other. Let us know how things work out.

From what you said he sounds like a great guy, treats you well, makes you feel good about yourself, pleases your body... and just doesn't handle confrontation in the same way you do --- and you feel that might be a deal breaker? Ack... from what you said it doesn't seem like as much communication in general -- just communicating being upset about something... all people handle that different and even then vary on how they handle things each and every time.

Sounds like your choice hurt him a bit... and he didn't know how to express that. If you want to potentially end the relationship over something like that... I don't know what you are hoping to find out there that will be exactly matching your every expectation to a tee.

I ask the same as the others, did you answer him? You said you guys went round and round, if you want him to stop beating around the bush, you probably have to do the same, if the convo was going round and round it sounds as if you never fully answered him either ??

Back to the special song, what were you going to use it for? From my perspective and as you have mentioned, the song holds special meaning to him as it relates to your relationship. To repurpose the song for something less will certainly seem unsympathetic from his point of view. I'm sure this is true for everybody, but everyone who has been special in my life has a song associated with them. Those songs are "protected" due to the memories/emotions attached.

I wouldn't be alarmed at the communication issue, frankly, take it as a sign that you both are still getting to know each other. Learning how to communicate physically is always far easier than learning how to do it with words.

Practice good communication habits.. you both should listen, listen, listen and use phrases such as "this is what i hear you saying", "this is how it made me feel", "what do you think will help", etc. etc.

We were going to use the song for a strip tease, and that one argument was not the only thing, it was an example of how any of our arguments go. He will never ever just straightforwardly say he is bothered or upset by something, and tell me why. He pouts, he talks around it, never answers direct questions with direct answers, gives stupid excuses for why he gets upset which isn't even the real reason but he doesn't want to admit the real reasons. Another example, he gets pissy a little every time I hang out with anyone else, like co-workers or a friend. He has a different excuse everytime why he is upset, but never is he honest. This is all frustrating the out of me.

It sounds like you you feel you know what he feels better than he does? He shows you, expresses when something bothers him... but the reason for why it bothers him isn't satisfactory to you. If you know the "REAL" reasons it bothers him, why not ask him... "is it really bothering you because of this... or that" and let him confirm or deny what you suspect.

Like I said I don't think its as much a communication in general issue, but an issue of you doing things he doesn't like... and him not being able to express to you why he doesn't for some reason. Could he fear your reactions? Maybe he realizes what is really upsetting him is silly, but can't help but to express that he's unsettled... but doesn't want to say as he knows he really shouldn't be upset in the first place?

I do that. I beat around the bush sometimes. Sometimes I will pout and be upset with something and it may take an hour... days or even a week before I come clean with what is really bothering me and its just how I handle things.

I love my boyfriend very much, and we are two peas in a pod, and while the way i get when something bothers me has got to frustrate him from time to time... he accepts that is how I deal with things, he understands the way he reacts to things is not the same way I will. We see eye to eye on 99% of the things that come our way and that little draw back of me being passive aggressive when I am bothered... just isn't enough of a deal breaker for him, I'm greatful he see's me for the total package and not just my weakness when it comes to the rare occasional when my feelings are hurt.

Hey, how about just sitting down and telling him how you feel, and I would be frank and say that you are worried about moving in because of the communication issues between you both. Don't put it all on him, include yourself in the conversation as part of the problem that way he will take it on board. But not just over this conversation about the song, this is an issue in the relationship and is better out in the air. Sometimes you have to stress the effect and how you are feeling for guys to take it seriously. Depending on how he takes it will determine your future together.