2 Years and 10 months - too soon?

**PJhavinfunagain** · 05-29-2010 09:29 PM

If he will not talk then I think it is time for you to take charge of your own life and happiness. If you move out and he decides he can not live without you then maybe you have something. I went thru something similar although on a smaller scale with my DH before we were engaged.

My best advice is do what you need to do to make yourself happy. No one else can do it for you. Also do it now while you still have time and the opportunity to possibly meet someone wonderful and have a family (if that's what you want).

**Fibness** · 06-03-2010 12:41 PM

The current drift with my guy is about his friend – a lady. They used to be very close friends but unfortunately she went into depression for the last 4 years. She got a road accident and lost one of her legs and she’s been at a hospice for a few years. Recently she contact my bf and asked him to go visit her at the hospital. He has been going and spending there hours with her. I didn’t have a problem with that until I asked him if I could come a long and see her. He became very mad at me, saying that she doesn’t want to be seen by anyone but him – maintaining that he will grant her wish. This is the second week that he’s been going to see her – since he works nights, he only sleeps a couple of hours and spends the rest of the day with her.If you were in my shoes, would you feel left out or am I being unreasonable? Please note that I have never met this lady, only heard about her, she might not even know if I exist. Your thoughts are appreciated.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-06-2010 01:53 AM

The ladies give good insight.

But you have alot of issues here, not one and I think they can see that, as I can.

It is neither the dress, the ring, walking down the isle nor his last name that am after. It is the planning or working together as "partners" that am concerned about. The only thing that we plan together is what we would have for dinner, nothing else, not even vacations. Do couples discuss about the future and plan together or one person, either the lady or the man just decides that lets do this? If that is the case then am definitely on the wrong if am complaining about him not discussing.

As for now, we still keep our own separate accounts, we have no idea how much each of us make. I pay him rent. (He owns the house with his sister). We have opposite work schedules, we go to different churches. We have sex once in a few months....and this being my very first "serious" relationship, am not sure if this is normal or how it should be.

Generally, he's a good guy, loved by many, including my family members (they always admire my "catch") He works hard and volunteers a lot.

I definitely would like to get married and have even just one child, I will be happy....atleast before I reach 45 or menopause.

If this is your first serious relationship, then you can only be guided by it, however, you question alot of things in it, which is what? Intuition? Perhaps.

If only "one" person makes all the rules, all the decisions, then they are controlling.. You will find it's their way or the highway.

If one person makes all the rules, the decisions, there could be baggage, past relationships whereby this time, that person refuses to allow the person totally ever, into their life, they have baggage.

If you are looking at a future with someone, you may have separate accounts but you do want to know what each other makes, so that you can plan.

He owns a house. You pay "rent" this is safe, you are only a tenant to him, if anything went wrong and you tried to claim part of the house, after living with him for a few years... This is safety and this suggests to me that it's either the way he was bought up, or, he is selfish and "everything is his", or he has been burnt before in past relationships.

Wanting "partnership?".. THAT IS what a relationship is all about, working things together, making decisions, thinking at least of the future, and planning when both feel that's what they want.

I cook for "us"

You work, he works, and cooking together, or sharing that is fun, it makes for a change and it makes a "partnership"... Cooking for him, all the time, is a "wife" looking after him, tending to his needs...

Does he have special ways in which he wants his wardrobe? His jocks and socks

?

Does he expect the house to be clean? Does he contribute?

Is he the only Son? In the family ? Do you know how his Mother treats him when she's around?

The current drift with my guy is about his friend – a lady.

This is a "new" thing for you, a new experience...

He became very mad at me, saying that she doesn’t want to be seen by anyone but him – maintaining that he will grant her wish.

"ANYONE" or you? It is more than understandable, when a person has a horrific injury and doesn't want to be seen by people... But, she has "chosen" him, no it is not normal. It's normal for him to say " you say hi" and it's normal for her to say " say hello back and that I appreciate her giving me your time"...

He can not get "mad at you" you have done nothing wrong. He can honour her wish, but if you are "partners" then the above would have applied.

I think that the whole reason for your thread is "partners" and that you are not one, in any way, shape or form....

This is your first relationship, trust me when I tell you that this is not "the ideal relationship" it's not just the non-communication "later babe" attitude, it's everything to me. He can not have you live with him ( add no sex ), and live his life and expect you to "feel" that your in a relationship, yet really your not.

Meeting family etc, is another form of "she's mine" but is he "yours?"... This is what I have chosen for now... But is it? Or is it your journey finished and the new beginning waiting for you to see what relationships are really all about?

Not telling you to leave, but as I said, I think other's can see that there is a main key here, "PARTNERSHIPS" which is not there, in any form of what constitutes a relationship.

CW

he only sleeps a couple of hours and spends the rest of the day with her.