photos on a phone is that cheating?

**KMonte85** · 06-08-2010 12:38 PM

I think you had every right to be hurt and upset, especially when you found the new photos. Sure, he didn't have control over her sending them, but he did have control over what he did to make her comfortable enough to send them, AND he had control over what to do with those pictures she sent. He chose to keep them instead of delete them. He chose to keep that tidbit of information away from you. These are not things that are acceptable in an exclusive relationship, at least not in my book. I couldn't even fathom doing that to my boyfriend, and would be irrate if I ever found out he did something like your ex did.

I think you should just be thankful this guy is your ex. Now you're free to find a respectful man to date who will take you into consideration, and not be so selfish and quick to dismiss your hurt feelings.

**lushley666** · 06-09-2010 02:49 AM

Here here!! She had no right to send them, he should have discouraged it and definatley deleted them!!!

**snuffie** · 06-09-2010 11:39 AM

I honestly do believe he wouldn't have physically cheated on me with her, she was throwing herself at him and he liked the attention I have said this before about my ex and our relationship and his amry lifestyle he wanted his cake and to eat it, but the one thing I can take from it is I am very different from her I would never ever persue a man I knew was in a relationship, I am so much better than her and he knows that!!! he had years to date and have a relationship with her but never did, but was planning to marry me!!!! oh and extra information she also had a boyfriend at the time she was sending the messages.

I know I did wrong in looking through his phone, but his behaviour and the messages I saw openly were too suggestive and pushed my buttons and I guess my instinct were right, from now on im trusting my gut!!

**PandaPaws** · 06-10-2010 05:41 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I wouldn't consider a guy that kept a masturbation file of exes pictures to be relationship material, no. It's creepy, for one. And for 2 it shows how he views the people he dates as purely sexual objects. Just another pic for the wank file, thanks for stopping by... be sure to sign the consent form on the way out the door ma'am.

I want a guy that can leave the past in the past. Talking about an ex gf is a big enough no-no, keeping a folder on his desk top to masturbate to them is just... beyond anything a guy could reasonably expect a girl that loves him to be okay with.

Yeah... it took my bf a year and half to get rid of all that stuff. Although I didn't know he had it until shortly before that. I hurt me deeply that he was still "using" it during our relationship though. Yuck...

Originally Posted by lushley666

Here here!! She had no right to send them, he should have discouraged it and definatley deleted them!!!

And yes, you had every right to be upset, and he should have deleted them immediately, and he would have, if he really didn't want anything to do with them.

**Joey** · 06-10-2010 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by PandaPaws

Yeah... it took my bf a year and half to get rid of all that stuff. Although I didn't know he had it until shortly before that. I hurt me deeply that he was still "using" it during our relationship though. Yuck...

Oh blimey - sorry to hear that. I really dont know what id do if My boyfriend did that. Im glad that he eventually got rid of it though.

**snuffie** · 06-10-2010 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by PandaPaws

And yes, you had every right to be upset, and he should have deleted them immediately, and he would have, if he really didn't want anything to do with them.

So you believe he wanted them from her? He had oppurtunity to say that he did but always denied it really has confused me!! I feel better knowing that I wasn't acting irrationally and that I was justified to feel that way!

What do people think makes people send and keep these kind of photos and messages?

**PRETTYinPINK09** · 06-10-2010 01:30 PM

Things like that are very confusing. I think the easiest way to figure out what to do is put yourself in the position. Would you feel like you were being unfaithful if a guy was sending you pictures? Personally.. if someone did that to me, I would let my guy know that someone was being creepy and sending me unwanted pictures so that he didn't get the idea that I was "going behind his back".. to me the fact that you had to stumble upon it is enough to be very suspicious. I have stumbled upon some unwelcoming things in my relationships and in my opinon anything that you have to find out by yourself is something to be worried about. Your guy might be perfectly happy with JUST you.. However, it still may excite him that another girl is giving him attention but if he only wanted to be with you he shouldnt need the other attention. Just my thought...

**samanthatallon** · 06-10-2010 05:08 PM

well its not right that he keeps them, my ex no longer has the photos, as we settled into the in it forever engagement, and he was happy enough to leave them behind, i trusted him, they were photos, and nothing more, although saying that, i never allowed him to take any of me lol, i often wonder why, i have too much self respect i think. We have beauttiful kids, and the crazy ex he had and was stalking him is long gone. Its kind of like growth to me, we were carefree and lustful, moved onto to dating, meeting the family and friends, moving in, and finally having kids and getting engaged. So just because he has photos does not mean he is cheating. But the fact she kept at it, and insisted on keeping the friendship always left that possibility of maybe. You know?
And as a partner, he should have at least cut her off. He could have kept the photos, but not had contact, but it probably would have bothered you anyway.
Much love, and i think you did right. If the foundation of trust isnt there, then its never gonna be a full relationship. So move on to bigger and better things, and just put those what if's behind you! If you can remain friends, thats great if not, not to worry, find something more woth the energy!

lots of love and luck for you hon. xxx you seem pretty cool, and i totally feel what you feel. x

**snuffie** · 06-11-2010 01:40 AM

I am getting some closure from this, even if he didn't "cheat" on me, he still acted in a way that wasn't respectful to me and fueled my insecurity in that relationship (paired with him being away a of a lot) I need a relationship that makes me secure and does not give me reason to question their integrity and their feelings towards me which he did in those 2 moments. He is a great man, but maybe not the great one for me!!! as for her!!!!! To be in a supposedly stable and happy relationship with her fella and to send graphic and suggestive photos to her "friend" who was also in a relationship (which he had told her was happy) persuing him, she is not a lady! However I am. Onwards and Upwards

thank you ladies x x