Need a womans perspective

**abc123!!** · 06-11-2010 10:57 AM

So my GF is super stressed out with work and school. She hasnt been herself lately because I think there is alot on her mind and its definitely been effecting our relationship. Everything is overwhelming her. She told me the other day that i deserve someone better because she is putting me through right now and doesnt know anyone who would want to deal with her right now. I try to reassure her and support her but i feel like my help is either unwanted sometimes or not needed. We both love each other but I just dont know how to help. I giver her space when she needs it, I reassure her when she needs it, I just dont know what to do. Do we take time off to let her figure herself out and work it out on her own or do I continue to be there for her and struggle to get through this together. I know she wants me in her life I just dont know how to help to alleviate this situation. What is going through her mind? Any help is appreciated. We have been together for a yr.

**jns** · 06-11-2010 11:04 PM

Give her random hugs for no apparent reason. Give her some more hugs. Emotionally reassure her, not just using logic. Feel her pain and stress with her, but don't add to it. Give her a strong constant in her life, so she can use it as a basis for her strength. Take over some of the chores she usually does.

**samanthatallon** · 06-12-2010 08:21 AM

Maybe for now as jns said, be supportive just be there for her! Thats a great thing, to help her around the house and so on. But then say it to one another perhaps and promise that you will make time for one another to do somerthing, like watch a movie, or simply picnic in the park? you know something the two of you can enjoy, and just relax in each others company. A little time out, no matter how busy or hectic it gets is important as it may mount up into stress which can lead to anger and frustration. So i hope this helps a little, even like cooking her a cute little meal, or breakfast in bed, and stress to her how much you care and understand, your a great guy for even looking for the advice as it shows you care. Every little thing you do to help i am sure will go a long way. And i hope she can destress!

Best of luck.

xoxo

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-14-2010 03:18 AM

Actually, she's being disrespectul.. Sorry guys

Sweet I think there is a fine line to giving "everything" to someone and not getting anything back.

Your trying to ascertain what "more" you can do... Yet, I appreciate she is showing some appreciation by saying she wouldn't know of anyone that would put up with her now, but she's not thanking you, for all you are doing, for the space you give her.

Did she tell you it's overwhelming her? Has she asked you to hold her or hug her? These are signs that you are important as well.

If she is just "ignoring" your feelings then she's being dis-respectful, in my opinion... to you...

And, if so, distance yourself and stop trying so hard, be there but also "not" be there. She would need to know as well that your not a push over.

CW

**samanthatallon** · 06-14-2010 02:54 PM

i see your point, hmm.

Make sure you keep me posted how you get on, i was thinking about this post in particular when i was washing the dishes today.

**abc123!!** · 06-15-2010 05:54 PM

Yea after posting this we had a very long conversation. Things were alot more complicated then I thought. I could write a book on my situation and would love to hear everyones take on it but it would be too extensive for this forum. Am I able to write personal messages to one of yall? Its a horrible situation and dont know what to do.

**Joey** · 06-16-2010 01:29 AM

I agree with what CW says. Although she probably doesnt mean to be as dis-respectful as she is being with you (thats a given by how much you say your both in love with each other) but i think that the stress of her work is making her overall attitude to you very cloudy i suppose.
Even though she is basically pushing you away - there will porbably be a time when she will really need you, as lets face it, stress and worrying about certain things on a daily basis can end up being to much to handle on your own. When realisation hits, thats when she'll come to you.

I was in the same situation with one of my ex's. he was an extreme worrier, and would always push me away. Then when i wasnt there, he would almost get really snotty with me. I just didnt know what he wanted, and it ended up me walking around egg shells whenever i visited him. I ended up doing small things for him, like said above - chores, making him food etc etc. He started to calm down a lot when he realised that my help was in fact helping him, and not smoothering him.

Feel absolutly free to send messages to anyone. :-) We wont let you sit in your situation on your tod :-)

**abc123!!** · 06-17-2010 01:36 PM

Having been with someone who worries I will definitely take your advice into consideration. What do other people think are the best ways to deal with some who has some self esteem issues and tends to worry alot? I do everything I can to reassure her but it just doesnt seem to work sometimes. Id love to put my full story on here so yall would have better background info but its just soo long.

**samanthatallon** · 06-17-2010 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by abc123!!

Yea after posting this we had a very long conversation. Things were alot more complicated then I thought. I could write a book on my situation and would love to hear everyones take on it but it would be too extensive for this forum. Am I able to write personal messages to one of yall? Its a horrible situation and dont know what to do.

I would be happy to help, but i will say that my advice shouldnt be strictly adhered to, i can only, give my own insight and thoughts and what i would do int he situation, and it doesnt always make it right sooo. lol feel free! I love meeting new people. Am nosey and thats a fact!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-17-2010 06:38 PM

abc123,

I'm sorry that there seems to be a tad more to this story.. I could hassed at a guess as well but I'm already tending to think move on, irrespective, relationships should be that complicated and certainly non-disrespectful.

You need to post at least 33 posts before you can PM anyone, but remember, we are all here to give our opinions and support, so don't be frightened to spend a bit of time, creating a long post. I would suggest though that you perhaps, do it in word, then copy and paste as we seem to have a time limit of replying to posts, or creating threads, perhaps 20 minutes and it can log you out, so you'd have to start all over again

I for one would be happy to offer a further opinion for you, to you.

CW