Just had a chat with bf - bit annoyed

**lushley666** · 06-16-2010 06:40 AM

Maybe it's that time of the month again - I dunno but I have just spoken to my bf - he said that he had bought speakers on line for his portable blue tooth stereo and I said "but you wont really use it now will you?" to which he replied "Oh I will when I go away to Butlins with the lads." Now when he says he is going to Butlins with the lads it means a bunch of drunken women chasing idiots dress up and go to Butlins for a weekend - drink very heavilly and pull as many women as possible. So I said "Why would you wanns go there?" and he said "cos it's a good laugh." - The friends he goes there with a vile - they are the lowest of the low and treat women horribly (unlike my bf who is a lot younger than them and has more manners in his little finger than all of them put together) - I know he really enjoys it but do men ever grow up?? Why does a weekend of drinking till you cant stand, dressing like a super hero and watching your mates try and pull as many women as possible appeal to him?? I will never ever understand men - I wanted to shout down the phone "Grow up you idiot - why not take me away for a weekend instead!" but I just said "I'm not happy about that." and he said "Babe, you can't tell me what I can or can't do." Fair point. We have had a fantastic weekend - he bought me a card with To the one I love on it then he does a complete 360 on me and I feel insecure again...I dont get men.....

**KMonte85** · 06-16-2010 06:50 AM

I can understand why his trip would bother you, however, he does have a point that you can't control what he does. If he wants to spend the money he earned on speakers, then so be it... why make snide comments about his purchase decisions? To me, that is just poking around for an argument that doesn't need to be had!

As for the trip... do you trust him? You've said his friends have the manners of billy goats, but he is not that way. If you believe that he is really a great gentleman, then when he wants to go out with those billy goats, and probably spend the time laughing at their ridiculous antics, then so be it! You're his girlfriend, and if he is the great man you've said he is, then he will not do anything that will dissappoint or hurt you. And even if you don't like his friends, they are HIS friends... please don't try to make him choose between you and them, or get upset when he wants to spend some time with them. It will cast you in a nagging, controlling light and eventually he may become resentful.

Let him go out with his buddies... if you trust him and believe he is the man you've described him as, all will be well...

**lushley666** · 06-16-2010 07:03 AM

Your right - as soon as he told me about the speakers I was thinking that he only uses them to go to Butlins - I dont like his friends but have always been polite and socialised with them but they are vile - one actually waited for my bf to go to the bar then told me I should put a chocolate bar in the freezer for a couple of days then put it inside me for the best orgasm ever whilst the other men talked about how many women he had had the night before!! I told my bf this and he said they were just saying stuff to get a rise out of me (which they didnt). They sit there and say stuff like "you should have seen the women..they were amazing, you gotta come next time we go" to my bf whilst I am sat there trying not to reach over the table and throw a drink over the lot of them! My bf said thats what they do - they like to wind people up - they think its funny. I do trust my bf - just dont get the whole thing! I dont want to be a nag, its important he keeps seeing his mates - I just worry about there bad influence I have heard some real horror stories about Butlins. It just seems so childish for men (some nearly in their 50's!) to be doing this! I just dont get it cos it would be my idea of !!

**KMonte85** · 06-16-2010 07:32 AM

For what it is worth, I don't know what Butlins, but it sounds like quite the party!

His friends do sound like total boors. And I think your boyfriend is right- they're trying to get a rise out of you... so why not push back with your own comments when they say nasty things? Like the frozen candy bar... ask if he got that idea since from his gf, since the candybar could satisfy her more than he could... things like that. Shut them up, and eventually, they may learn that they can't say things like that to you without being burned.

I guess men will be men, and even in their 50's they want to go out and party like they did when they were in their 20's. If this is a once a year thing, grit your teeth and let your guy go and have fun (he will appreciate it).. and best of all, he'll probably regret going later anyway when he realizes that his liver is no longer in its 20's and he's suffering from too much sauce. In the meantime, what about if you get a group of your girlfriends together for a girls night out, or do something to pamper yourself?

**Joey** · 06-16-2010 08:07 AM

I can really relate to you here lushley. There is one particular friend of my boyfriend who drives me round the bend. My boyfriend is 31 (im 24) and his mate is 33 going on 18. He speaks of nothing but women in front of me and my boyfriend, and i just know its because he wants to get a reaction. Say we are watching a film - he will look straight at my boyfriend (when im there) and say 'would you do her?'. my boyfriend will just shrug it off, but his mate will not let it drop until my boyfriend replies in so many words 'yes' - even though he doesnt mean it. there was also an occasion when we all went over to his friends house (there was about 8 of us) and his friend decided it would be oh so fun to put porn on. He was finding it absolutly hillarious to watch the faces of the girlfriends that were there - and then he continued in saying to my boyfriend coments like 'would you lick her pu$$y ? would you let her give you head?' etc etc It drives me nuts because like you say, you would expect them at that kind of age to know better.

My boyfriend, like yours, is increibly trust worthy and so so so so so so so sooooooooooooooooooooo way more sensible then his mate, so i know that say if i was in your shoes, and my boyfriend, his annoying mate, and a few others went to Butlins, I know that my boyfriend would be absolutly fine. Yeah my boyfriend sometimes finds what his mate does funny (which sometimes i think is pathetic but oh well!) but i know that nothing is going to happen - so theres no need to worry!

Just because his mates are cavemen, it doesnt mean he will follow suit - trust me. He sounds like a guy who knows what he wants and can take a gip of his own actions. Even though i know how you are feeling, (as i cant stand it when my boyfriend goes out even on a night out with his annoying mate) you need to just relax. Remember what i said in your other post? about how you will make up silly scenerios in your head? like the 'i bet hes doing this...' or 'his mates have made him do that' etc etc. Dont let yourself get like that.

Like KM said, if your boyfriend can just go off on holiday with just a 'you cant control what i do' attitude, then you can sure as heck do the same!! go off with your girlies and have an amazing time somewhere!

**lushley666** · 06-16-2010 08:46 AM

Sorry, i should have said that Butlins is like a holdiay camp but they do adult weekends that are crazy....BF has been open about what they have all got up to in the past and says he is happy with me. He enjoys the laugh but his mates asound exactly like your bf's Joey - vile, imature women chasers. My BF is a flirt - I have seen him on nights out and he is a flirt and also like to be the centre of attention with thse mates - like who can be the wakiest - who can do the funniest thing - it really is a side of him that I dislike - I even avoid going to parties with him cos he has to be the centre of attention and the funniest -it's not a side to him I like - but he is sooo good in other ways and he hardly see's these friends - and it's also the cost of the weekend. He is always broke, I am always lending him money - I got a balloon for my birthday yet he can find £100 to pay to go to Butlins?? That just isnt sitting right with me either but I will have to suck it up - stop lending him money, let him go and get out of his brain and act an idiot with his moron mates :-(

**Joey** · 06-16-2010 08:54 AM

oooo - that would annoy me immensly! I havent expereinced that with my current boyfriend, by my ex one minute couldnt afford a train ticket to come and see me, but a split second after had found money to go to the Reading Festival with his mates. well nice.

I would definitly stop lending him money. he is ultimatly using the money you are giving him to fund his holidays with his guy mates, which doesnt sound fair in the slightest to me at all. If he wants to go away with his mates and have fun times, then HE needs to be the one to pay for it.

Its a good thing (in a harsh sense!) that he doesnt see these friends all the time. im guessing this is why they go on random butlins holidays? just think of yourself lucky that you dont have to see them, or your boyfriend doesnt have to be around them allll the time. (the annoying mate of my boyfriend lives 20 mins away from him......great!)

Like you say, there are so many other things that your boyfriend does and says to you that make you sooo happy that can completly counteract this small percentage of annoyance.

**KMonte85** · 06-16-2010 09:05 AM

I agree with Joey, stop lending him money... if he's that broke, then he should not have money to waste on partying, but miraculously - the money appears when he wants it to! Funny how that works with so many people who say they don't have any cash, but go out and get tattoos, or eat out every night, etc, etc...

Glad to hear these morons aren't around too much. My bf has a couple friends too that I don't like, just complete idiots - doing stupid things, saying stupid things... I feel like I lose IQ points every time I'm within hearing distance of them. But when they do come around every once in a while, I just tell my bf that they should go out for a night and hit the bars (then I don't have to spend time with them haha!)... once or twice a year having a guys night with a few idiots is okay, especially if you trust your guy to be respectful of you and your relationship while he's out and about with them.

**Joey** · 06-16-2010 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by KMonte85

But when they do come around every once in a while, I just tell my bf that they should go out for a night and hit the bars (then I don't have to spend time with them haha

Ha! im the same. If ever my boyfriend says 'we have been invited round to 'butt holes' house' i near enough always end up saying the calssic 'oh you go over and have a good time with the guys!'. Theres only so much of his annoying friend i can take. lol!

**lushley666** · 06-17-2010 01:33 AM

LOL!! Thanks for that ... funnilly enough I finsihed work last night and met up with my best friend for a few drinks and have been told off good and proper! He asked what I had for my birthday off BF and when i told him he flipped out and was like "so what did he want the money for then?" I am suddely starting to feel like a bit of a door mat and have promised that I will get my money back from BF when he gets paid, stop lending him money and paying for everything and start making him take me out rather that sitting in the house watching TV. I know BF isnt the best paid (I earn a lot more than him) - he has just moved in to a flat so he is struggling with money but he sits there with the morons talking about paying £400 for a football season ticket and then going to Blackpool for a lads jolly and having Butlins weekends!! I paid for all his shopping this month! I am just starting to feel a bit of an idiot. I try to do nice things for him, I tell him not to worry about buying me a birthday gift to take financial pressure off him but I think he is starting to take advantage of my good nature - dont you hate it when your friends point out the obvious.......? I am annoyed at myself and although I do love him to bits and when I am with him I have a great time theres a part of me that thinks that there is a bit more to life than watching TV every Saturday night!! I just think I deserve better treatment but how do I say that to BF without sounding like a spoilt brat?!