Thread: Is Sex on the first date a relationship killer?

thanks for all the thoughts guys! so here's what happened. i texted him a few days after the date to tell him that i did act our of character that night. i dont sleep around and had never jumped to bed with anyone on the first date. i told him that i didnt take what happened lightly and just needed to be honest about my feelings. i also asked if we could just put what happened behind us and continue being friends. he responded to say that he never judged me for what happened and always thought that i wasnt that kind of a girl who likes sleeping around. he said he also needed some comfort and swore to his father's grave that he never told anyone about that evening nor plan to do so coz that's just not his style. he also said that yes he wants to be friends and harbor no illusion about a relationship especially because of where we both are (rebound girl and career-crisis guy).

im glad that we cleared things up. i dont know if this would lead to something else, perhaps a second date? i dont know. but he still texts me every now and then and sometimes would even flirt with me thru text.

i am definitely attracted to this guy and i just want to know him more and get to spend more time with him, but i dont want every date to end with a steamy sex at his apartment.

i dont know how to read this guy. could he be considering me just as a bed buddy or is he somehow attracted to me too. is he just after the sex or also wants to know me more.

i hope he asks me out on a second date though!

Glad to hear it sexybabe..and since you are "friends" at this point- why not ask him out to a neutral no sex potential meeting (date)? Sounds to me like there is a lot of "chemistry" there.. if so you can expect it to show itself on your next meeting..but if you set it up so there is no potential for anything...then the ball is in his court.
If he wants more out of his relationship with you he is going to have to ask you out on a "real" date and then the two of you can figure out where you are going and how fast you want to get there. good luck.

Glad to hear it sexybabe..and since you are "friends" at this point- why not ask him out to a neutral no sex potential meeting (date)? Sounds to me like there is a lot of "chemistry" there..

I can say that there was really a lot of chemistry! But I've been asking him to run with me (we both run and join races - he recently ran a full marathon but still recovering). He says he will surely join me and my friends once he feels he's ready. Right now he's taking it slow, slowly going back to running, doing a few miles here and there... I wish he would ask me to run with him one of these days but he just wouldnt! I want to ask him out but I dont want him to think that I have the hots for him. How should I ask him out?? I like him a lot, but I just don't want anything serious at this time. But I really do want to spend more time with him...

Why not scan for a charity FUNRUN/WALK for breastcancer or the like. Say that your "serious running friends" consider the activity level beneath them but that it is for a "good cause". Because it's for a good cause he is likly to say yes, the physical activity level is low enough to allow for a LOT of conversation on the course and it's "not a date" enough to give each of you room to "look each other over" without being tooo obvious.

Originally Posted by SaharaJim

Why not scan for a charity FUNRUN/WALK for breastcancer or the like. Say that your "serious running friends" consider the activity level beneath them but that it is for a "good cause". Because it's for a good cause he is likly to say yes, the physical activity level is low enough to allow for a LOT of conversation on the course and it's "not a date" enough to give each of you room to "look each other over" without being tooo obvious.

You know, I actually did this already. I asked him to join me in this charity run but that was a few days before we actually went out on a date so I guess that doesn't count lol. This is weird. I like him a lot and want to spend time with him, yet I don't want to jump into any serious relationship with him or with anyone for that matter! I wonder how to really catch his attention... he's just super busy with work it's like his entire life revolves around his work (I'd like to think that this is because he owns the company, thus the huge responsibility). I want him to want to see me and be with me... is there any sure fire way I can do that? Man I've gone nuts!

Human relationships come with no guarantee. But i think you need to read your own post because I think you do want a relationship but are scared of the possible problems. How do you wish to live? Sorry about "what might have been" or with a few scars from "what didn't work out"? I suspect he is confused from what he must read as very "mixed signals". The choice has to be yours but I believe (like in the Mary Chapin Carpenter song) "I'll take my chances".

I agree with SaharaJim on this one after reading all your posts I think that you do want something more with this man (whether that be a relationship or more sex lol), but you just dont want to admit it to yourself maybe? Or you are afraid he wont reciprocate what you want? Had he told you what if anything that he is looking for right now?

I also think in his position there is one of two things going on;
1) He isnt interested, and thats why he keeps blowing you off.
2) He is confused because you say you dont want anything serious but your actions say something different.

In this situation I wouldnt want any regrets so I would have a frank conversation with him about what you REALLY want and go from there.

Sorry if this was harsh, its just my opinion.