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Thread: Is Sex on the first date a relationship killer?

  1. #1
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array sexybabe's Avatar
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    Default Is Sex on the first date a relationship killer?


    Just want some thoughts on this. Do you think having sex on the first date means that a guy simply doesn't want to have a serious relationship with you?

    I jumped into bed with this guy on date one. We had a couple of drinks after dinner, started flirting and kissing and next thing I knew, I was in his apartment having sex with him.

    I'm not looking for a commitment right now. But it wasn't part of my plan to sleep with this guy on our first date either!

    So I'm just wondering if there's a chance that this could work.

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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    I think it depends on the man... Some will think that it was just a heat of the moment thing and continue on dating the woman, other men will think "well, she slept with ME on the first date, who else is she sleeping with? She must be some kind of hoochie." Which I never quite understand that thought process, since it takes two to tango... but, that's the way it is. Other men might not take you seriously, and only take you out on dates thinking he'll get in your pants again.

    Sex on the first date DEFINITELY complicates things, not so great for relationships that are just starting out (ie first date.)...

    I guess your best bet is to see if he's interested in seeing you again, and if so, you need to make sure it isn't just for sex. You want the guy to be interested in YOU for more than just what is in your pants... so see where it goes from here, see if he wants to spend time with you, and keep it out of the bedroom for a while until you get to know each other better
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    After one date, you don't have a relationship, you've just had a date. Really that's not even dating because it's not plural. It depends on the people involved.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    VIP Member Array Joey's Avatar
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    Im not really sure to be honest - ive never had sex on a first date. I always see it as, not leaving anything to the imaginiation. Like basically giving everything over this guy before even really knowing him.
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - Chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming WOO-HOO what a ride!!"
    "I dream about being with you forever." - Twilight

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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+)MAY 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array pretzel's Avatar
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    It definately depends on the people involved.

    As WC put it, it's not dating (plural), it's not a relationship yet. Could end up as one, could not.

    Even if does happen on a first date, the maturity and respect of the people involved ultimatel decides how it will be viewed.
    There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW

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    Here's a novel thought. ;o) Try talking with him over a coffee date that has no potential for turning into a repeat. Just kind of a Hi that was ________(great surprising wonderful) but really unusual for me. Can we take this back a step or too and approach things a little slower. I think I really like you and we obviously turn each other on...but I want to find out if it's just your great_________ or if it could be a "complete package." A bit of a challenge for him and it lets both of you know where you stand. if he passes on a "no sex potential date" ...well that tells you where he is coming from.

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    you guys make me feel old and im 25 lol, i made my bf date me for three months before anything! although in the younger years i learnt through a looooot of mistakes, ie; bed on the first date, never turned out well, and i never felt good about myself after wards. And got bruised a lot, even got myself into dangerous situations as i hardly knew the guys i slept with. Just a note to say, hey you never know, but i seriously doubt you can get anything long standing from the date thing. I hope that maybe in your position you may be an exception to the rule. You never know.
    Make sure your safe and know the guys well enough.xxx
    sam
    Take it easy! One step at a time x

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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Array kygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    After one date, you don't have a relationship, you've just had a date. Really that's not even dating because it's not plural. It depends on the people involved.
    I honestly think it depends like WC says... I had sex on my first real date with a guy and we ended up dating for 2 1/2 years... Then I've waited 7 or 8 dates with some and things didn't work out... i don't think it's necessarily a good idea, but it really depends on the situation and the people.

    I did know the guy (from mutual friends) and we'd talked via phone and email and had lunch once before what I consider our first "real" date. Not sure I could with someone I had just met
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    From a mans point of view it depends on the situation and the people involved. If I am on a date with someone I have known for awhile as either friends or an aquaintance then I dont see it as being a big deal. If it happens on the first date and I barely know you at all then It raises flags to me or causes some concern. Unfortunately most guys will never deny sex especially if things are going well on the date and the woman is showing signs that she is into you. But, there is nothing that turns me on more then going on a date with a woman who you are connecting with, acts flirtacious, and at the end of the night gives you a kiss and leaves you wanting more. If sex does occur then the next day things start running through my mind. I really feel women who hold out have very good self control and very good respect for themselves and their bodies and that is more attractive then getting in the sack on the first night especially if I want to date this person. Those who do not I have found to lack self esteem, can be unstable, or end up cheating on you. In no way is this always the situation so dont freak out or hate me for saying those things. Im just giving a diff point of view as to what men might be thinking. I would take Sahara Jims advice. Take a step back and talk about it and tell him thats not how you typically are. This will alleviate any doubts or concerns the man may have because he could be feeling the same way to.

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    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Its not a relationship killer, at all. If the chemistry is right... if the man is right for you and you are right for him, it'll work out whether sexual activity happens date one or a year later. I've known plenty of girls (myself included) that went from very heated first dates to healthy happy relationships (as long as you both find each other interesting and enjoy each others company beyond sex).
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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