Too young to wed?

**Nicki215** · 06-20-2010 02:15 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. We'll both be 20 this year. We are very committed and can tell each other EVERYTHING. His immediate and extended family members already say that I'm a member of the family. The only reason I'm in a rush is because my parents absolutely despise the idea of living with a significant other before marriage. I would like to live with him after I finish college.

I was just curious, what age is acceptable to wed?

**LanaBear** · 06-20-2010 02:27 PM

I think it depends on the person and couple. I've been with my hubby since I was 17 (now 32), got married when I was 20 (he was 21) and today is our 12th wedding anniversary. Others have very strong views of this, but personally, you need to do what you feel is right. There is no age that is acceptable to wed, IMO, you need to do what is right to you. You'll have rough spots as any married couple would, you grow together, which can some times be tough.

My suggestion, don't rush it, don't do it because you feel that you have to please your parents regarding your living situation. You are an adult and can therefore make those choices on your own. If you love each other, then why rush it, let it happen naturally and in its own time.

**auds80** · 06-20-2010 02:29 PM

i personally would think 20 is young to wed,but if you really wanted to then thats your choice,dont do it for your parents! living together is a great way of getting to know your partner, you never really know some one till you live with them,you are together a long time maybe you are ready for marriage,but its a big change dating someone one day then married and living together the next,im all for living together,rent a flat or get a morgage and after a few yrs when you'v setteled in and know each other inside and out,then think about the wedding bells!! all the best x

**LanaBear** · 06-20-2010 02:34 PM

auds make a good point. I would definitely recommend living together before marriage regardless. Hubby and I lived together for 2 years before we got married. It gives you a chance to work out everything and make sure it actually works once you have the added stress of bills, etc.

**auds80** · 06-20-2010 02:44 PM

the only other thing is, you might get lazy like we did and never get married! we moved in after 6months of seeing each other, that was 10yrs ago in july i was 20 and he was 23 we got engaged boxing day 2008 and we are in no rush for the big day!! and we are still very much in love!!

**Mes T** · 06-20-2010 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by Nicki215

my parents absolutely despise the idea of living with a significant other before marriage. ?

I can understand their POV, but you can also make quite a strong case for yourself - that living with him will help you see if he is TRULY the one for you.

Don't make this decision solely for someone else (i.e. your parents). It's too important.

**Nicki215** · 06-20-2010 07:00 PM

I honestly have no doubt in my mind he's "the one" I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with him! I don't blame my parents for not wanting me to live with him first. They also are going to foot the bill for the wedding so their opinion really does matter in this case. I'm one of those people that really wants to please everyone (sad, I know) and I just don't want the whispers at the wedding.

Did anyone give you grief Lanabear? Do you regret getting married that young? Congratulations on your anniversary!!!

**LanaBear** · 06-20-2010 07:37 PM

I got a lot of grief for marrying when I did, but I didn't really care, there was no doubt in my mind that he was the one for me. I heard it all and then some from friends to acquaintances to strangers, people love to tell you that people who marry young have no chance at a lasting marriage. There are exceptions to every rule and some people get married for the wrong reasons and some people get married for the right ones.

I'll never regret marrying as young as I did, especially when I have friends who are dating and watching all the nonsense that goes along with that. Was it easy? No, it wasn't, we've gone through a lot together. We grew into adults together, which was sometimes rough, but we also have a ton of respect for each other.

**jns** · 06-20-2010 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by Nicki215

I'm one of those people that really wants to please everyone (sad, I know) and I just don't want the whispers at the wedding.

Nicki, does your boyfriend do a lot of things to please you? I ask because over time, people who give everything of themselves usually find over time that they get tired of doing so when it is not reciprocated, at least to some degree. Then resentment creeps in and it can destroy a relationship. I hope the people around you are those who reciprocate the wanting to please.

**Little** · 06-20-2010 08:13 PM

Are you considering getting married now or when you graduate from college? Just like things changed when you left high school, things will change when you leave college, though probably in smaller ways. It's good to know he'll be there through the roller coaster.
Many people disagree with marrying young because they have the perception that it ends some part of your life - especially for women, many think that it will be the automatic end to your education and desire to work outside the home. For some people it's true, for others it's utter nonsense. It all depends on YOU and what your family thinks about it. Reassuring them that you won't give up on being you if married may assuage any doubts they have about your age.
You have been together for 4 years during times when other couples probably would have quit (leaving high school, becoming adults, the temptations of college life, etc) and I say, if you want to get married and so does he - do it! I'm a big advocate of living together before you tie the knot, but you may get lucky and just flow your two lives into one household easily. But I will say - if you're going to get married after college, give yourself at least a few months' planning time. I've seen a lot of my friends burn out trying to plan a wedding and graduate all at the same time.

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