Any insight?

**abc123!!** · 07-02-2010 09:59 AM

So I may have figured out my problem. I noticed with my relationships girls are head over heals for mee when we first meet then once I fall in love and things get serious everything starts to turn around. They lose interest and I almost start to feel like friend. I did a little researching and had a man to man to myself and realized I turn into a big wuss and almost a door matt. I have a topic on here Nice vs Pushover becuase i wanted to know when someone goes from being nice to being too nice. I took a step back and realized she was in charge of a majority of the situations. Dates, conversations, etc. In the beginning of the relationship I have no deep attachment so I have no reservation about what to say and take control and they love it. Its just when I start to have deep feelings I start trying to not hurt the other persons feelings and become too available but I dont know why it took me this long to realize it. So I decided I need to stop this or Im going to be single for the rest of my life. I need to have a back bone.

So I decided I was going to turn things around. It started a couple days ago and I was pissed off about some things at work and family matters and I was tired of texting her asking her about her day and what was going on without her being interested in anything that I do. So I decided not to text and see what would happen. I didnt hear from her for awhile then she says someething likee So .. how come no more texts? I said I was busy and pissed off about somee things at work and family matters. She said ok well sorry Ill see you later tonight then didnt hear from her for most of the day. I stopped by her place later because she was taking me to the airport in the morning. We didnt say much and we just went to bed. The next morning I went to the airport pretty early. Anything I said or did she was just giving a big attitude. So once I was dropped off and sitting down I realized I need to stop this. I told her I understood she was tired and had to work but didnt appreciate the attitude and the unecessary text from the day before. She said sorry and said I had every right to be pissed and surprised I wasnt many times before this. So I left it alone once I got home I said I was home ok .. she said thats good im glad. I havent texted back since then and havent heard from her either. Its been a day and half. Am I doing the right thing? I feel like I should continue on and wait to see how long it takes beefore she contacts me.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-02-2010 06:15 PM

Well, it's difficult to change things mid drift, because now your playing games and in addition to that, from what you've statred, she already started to back off, away from the relationship.

I have a friend like this. He's 40. He is really good looking and charismic and can get any girl. But, once in a relationship, same he is soft, in-secure, shows it, more of a puppy and the girls lose interest and walk away... As a result he's moved away to another State in hope to try again.

What you need to do is a course on "confidence" and how to gain that. You need to realise that both people's needs are important not just one.

My boyfriend is a darling, he texts me, uses the L word, holds me, looks me in the eye, by low and behold if I get too comfy or think that he's a pushoever, because he will tell it how it is...

As, I do.. So it's a good mixture.

Bottom line is, a woman / person needs to know the boundries and how far they can go and to know that your not a push over, whilst your loving and caring...

Stop playing games. You'll either keep her or lose her, so be yourself, but also ensure that both your needs are met, not just hers.

CW

**misses** · 05-24-2011 10:01 AM

You should just talk to her about all of your thoughts, and ask her what her standing point is..

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-03-2011 04:39 PM

bumping

**ren_07** · 06-03-2011 05:55 PM

I think you're taking the idea of being "too soft" and how to fix that the wrong way.

Women lose interest in a man when he becomes less of his own person, and more of anything she wants him to be. The chase is over. If you want her to not lose interest in you, then you shouldn't be a jerk. Being independent and a jerk are two different things. You should keep some level of independence and have your own plans and life that don't revolve around her's. Go out with friends and make plans for yourself/with others BEFORE making plans with her so she feels more like you can be in charge of what you want to do and she'll mold to YOUR schedule sometimes rather than you being like "i'll be free for you whenever" all the time. Don't overdo texts or contact. Give her space because then she can come to you. It's healthy and important. And I'm not talking about the space that is currently happening between the two of you because your arguing. That's not healthy space, that's playing games. She may be holding off contacting you bc she's worried you're mad and doesn't want to bother you.

I don't know how long you two have been dating. This is important. If you're making sudden changes in your behavior, you're going to send her on an alarm and push her away which is happening now. She's going to think you've lost interest and are rethinking the relationship and close off, like she's doing. She knows you're upset and is trying to give you space. She doesn't know you're hoping she'll ask about YOUR day. Just be your normal self, she obviously likes that, but don't lose yourself in her. Like I said earlier, make time for your friends, arrange your own plans, have your own hobbies. She will love this and want to be a part of your life even more.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-04-2011 12:22 AM

I so love it when you people understand the word bumping and kindly offer your advice, thankyou.

Now, having said that I read the post after me, 25/5 dang need more sleep

The OP left the building a year ago, soooooooory Ren but thank you

Thread closed.

PS: Hates it when Lana is right, and VM's me