I found out my boyfriend cheated. I don't know what to do. Please help?

**intothesea** · 07-02-2010 08:24 PM

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 years old. I've known him since we were little kids because his family was close with my family. We've been best friends and super close since as long as I can remember. About 3 or 2 years ago, we both told each other that we liked each other more than a friend type of way. In April, we decided to start dating.
I knew about his problems. He has a drug addiction. He keeps it as hidden and under control as he can. To the outside world, you'd never guess he had a problem. But it still bothers me. He also has a 1 year old son. It seems like a girl ought to know better than to get involved with a guy like him, but I was able to look past the drugs and accept he has a child because I know the real person that he is underneath it all.
Our relationship was the best one I've ever been in and I swear I thought I was the happiest girl alive. But slowly over the past month, he's been becoming more withdrawn from me, his social life, and his family. He started using drugs more, too. I tried to talk to him about what was wrong but he's always been the type to keep everything inside. I talked to him about the drugs and he's too stubborn to get help. His family basically gave up on him after last year because he failed to finish rehab. I tried my best to get him to open up and to help him, but everything just kept going slowly downhill.
He didn't want to do anything anymore. Just stay at home, sleep, and take care of his kid. But recently I got a call from a girl who flaunted she just slept with my boyfriend and she kept up a lot of bs over the phone. I don't even know who she is. I get another call later from one of my friends who was at the party he was apparently at and said he'd been kissing and was all over that girl.
He tried calling me this morning a couple of times and left me voice mails saying he needed to talk to me. He showed up to my house and tried to talk to me but I just couldn't. I couldn't react to any of this because I was and I still am in complete shock. Not only did my boyfriend just break my trust but he is also my best friend, so I can't process why he would even do that to me.
I know I need to talk to him. I know I need to hear it all from him and what he has to say to me. I don't know what I'm asking for by posting this, though. I guess I'm asking for you guy's opinions on this and a little advice. I told myself I would never take back a cheater, but this is completely different.

**LanaBear** · 07-02-2010 10:14 PM

You are too young to have to deal with all this, hun. He may be your best friend, but there is only so much you can do for a person that is addicted to anything. This person has to be able to want to help themselves. By his actions, that's not what he wants right now. As much as you may love him, you need to look out for you first and foremost.

On top of the addiction issues, he cheated on you. Nobody deserves that, nobody that supports a person like him deserves to be cheated on, losing all trust in that person. He is going to throw all the excuses in the book for his actions, he was drunk, high, etc etc., that he didn't know what he was doing. Excuses are weak and for weak minded people. He knew what he was doing, he made the decision to do this and sacrifice the relationship the two of you had.

Stand up for yourself, nobody else can. It may not seem like it now, but this is just one small chapter in your life. Everything you do is a learning experience, you learn how to be stronger and better from everything you go through in life. Don't be someone's doormat, life is better than that. If you love him, I think you need to let him go. Let him find his own way, let him make the decision to get better, then and only then should you decide on whether you can be in a relationship with him again.

**Jacks-UP** · 07-02-2010 11:12 PM

So you're 17, he has cheated on you, he has a drug problem and has a 1 year old kid with another women. Thats way too much drama for anyone let a lone a 17 year old. Most women would take off at just 1 of those issues.

**echoskybound** · 07-03-2010 09:28 PM

I agree that you shouldn't have to face these issues at just 17. I don't even consider these issues normal at 20something. Drugs and a 1 year old child at only 18 years old... this is a person whose life is probably full of hurt. I believe that it's okay to try to help someone like that as a friend, but as a girlfriend, it's entirely too much. I dated my first boyfriend when I was 18, and it was a very innocent relationship, and I even endedu p leaving him because he was too sensitive and it became stressful for me. I left my second boyfriend too because he started taking it too seriously and I didn't want that. I felt guilty about those for a long time, but I'm glad I let them go, because I needed to think of myself. Not out of selfishness, but because that age was critical to learning and maturing for me. I love my current boyfriend to death, but if he were to be a drug addict with a 1 year old he had with another woman, I think that would be enough o turn me away from him. The cheating, on top of it, would be too much. Never feel like you're being selfish for considering your own wellness over someone who cheated on you... you need to watch out for you, don't feel obligated to help him out of his ditch.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-04-2010 02:50 AM

I told myself I would never take back a cheater, but this is completely different.

Why is it completely different?

Because you believe where others have failed, including his family that you can make a difference? That you can change him?

Take it from an older woman, it's not possible... People have to WANT to change and he can't he's addicted, hooked.

Or are you viewing it as "It's the drugs" "It's not his fault?"... He has chosen his path, he hasn't changed, he is not going to.

Or are you looking at it as "he's my best friend?" Then why is that? Why don't you have alot of "best friends?"... Don't settle. Alot if this stems from you not feeling that your worth more and in addition having a good heart.

You need to understand that you ARE worth more... And you can not change him, you have tried to help him just as others have.

He's 18, drugs, more drugs, women, sex, babies, more women, more sex.

He needs to help himself and you need to get out there and make alot more friends in life...

It's hard because with a heart you WANT to help but sweetheart your not a phyc, you can't do this, even if you want to and he can't, even though he has your love.. It's not enough, drugs and being who he is, is more important to him... the addiction...

Plus, he isn't really there for you, treating you right, don't you think that someone saying I love you, holding you and treating you well is better than you thinking that you have a relationship that's worth something? You have a guy friend that you love, fell in love with that can't love back.. Because he doesn't love himself.

CW