Thread: Does he care more about his friends than about me?

I would have to agree with jns somewhat. I'd pick a date next week sometime...maybe give him two days and say, hey would you like to go eat or something one of these days. Tell him to doublecheck his calendar. If he never has a free day and/or if he starts making dates with you and then cancelling to see his friends I'd hit the road. It's one thing to not want to cancel his previous commitment with them but it's a completely different thing to always have you waiting as a "backup"... Hope it works out for you. It's going to have to be about balance eventually.

maybe you should also try to talk a little earlier when you talk? I think I'd get quite frustrated if someone always fell asleep on me.

Wow, i think this forum is really helpful, thanks for all your advice. True, he does have a "monday night bar Night" thing with some of his friends that he really likes to do... i guess i was just really eager to see him after my trip, i can stand to wait another day. However, he does tend to go out with his friends to bars/late night bonfires etc... on weekends and also a couple weekdays every week...he has more friends than i can count so its a bit hard to balance....you are right that this early in the relationship I shouldn't expect to be number one. It feels differently though since we were in a committed relationships for 2 years before...so I kind of was thinking like we were back in that place again.

You're going to have to maintain some balance yourself as well I know it's really difficult after you have this long relationship to just "start over", but there will be some time that you're going to have to adjust and get to know each other again. Obviously whatever you all did before didn't work. I don't know if it was just needing to grow up a bit or if you spent too much time together or arguing, whatever, but be sure that you don't start doing those same things again. Let him know that even though you are glad he is back in your life, you do have other interests, people, etc. It may seem odd at first when you want to spend so much time with him and catch up, etc, but trust me...in the long haul, you'll be glad

He doesn't sound like he is in a time in his life where he is ready to be in a relationship, to be honest. Friends are crucial and important... but when someone is ready for love , friends come second... not the other way around. By that I mean, if there is an established monday bar night, it'll still be there next week, and the week after. Missing one bar night to spend with you after you having been gone on vacation is not too much to ask.

He even states his friends might cancel ... so THEY can cancel, and its no biggie.. but not him... he can't cancel, if its on he must go. That shows his friends have priorties they place above bar night ... and he ... doesn't.

Thing is you can't force him to want to spend time with you, to be excited to see you after not having seen you for days. That comes organically or doesn't. And it sounds like it just doesn't. That doesn't mean he doesn't love or care for you, it just may mean he isn't really as into this as you are.

For if you met with your friends every wednesday for lunch, some miss, some go... its not a huge deal its something you guys just do. And if he were gone for a week and returned and wanted to sweep you off for a trip to the beach that wednesday... would you have a problem phoning in girls lunch week? Probably not, you'd probably not even have to think twice about missing it... as other girls miss it for hair appointments sometimes -- its just not a make it or break it event.

If you feel the way I suspect, and can read his enthusiasm the way i saw you write it, you can see there is an imbalance on where you each fall into line on each others priority lists.

But... it may be that things are just new again, and he is not as invested yet. Sometimes one partner takes longer to invest and especially RE-invest their feelings so I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that its doomed to fail.

Give it time, don't whine about it because it would serve no purpose. You can't will someone to be into things if they are not. And you can't base whether or not he's into things on an isolated event. But if you see a pattern developing, your wise to notice it and then make your decision as to whether or not its in your best interest to fully emotionally invest in this reunion.