Is she really lost or just trying to let me off nice?

**abc123!!** · 07-19-2010 12:40 PM

i hope you know that you mean a lot to me. you know more about me than anyone really ever has. but before i can love anyone...before i can give 100 percent...i have to figure out wtf happened to me. i have to love me and find what i like to do, and be that person. i have been living a lie for most of my life, always doing what other people want me to do. i apologize for my behavior. i hope that the decision i have made will help me find myself again.

Just sounds to me like she is confused and is looking for valdiation for her decision possibly

**LanaBear** · 07-19-2010 01:41 PM

She sounds lost, confused and unsure about herself or life in general right now. She's probably doing the best thing for herself by stepping back and focusing on her for now.

**kygirl** · 07-19-2010 01:54 PM

How long were you dating before this? Or were you? I'd say it really depends on that kind of... Circumstances leading up to etc. Sounds like she's confused, but I've unfortunately used something like this before and then been dating someone else two weeks later... But not always the case.

**jns** · 07-19-2010 02:01 PM

You have a way in on this if you sincerely offer to help her on her journey of self discovery. Something happened that is making her examine her life and determine what she wants to do, how she wants to conduct herself and how she wants to live life. Some people just let life happen to them. Others examine their actions and feelings and try to come to terms with them.

**abc123!!** · 07-19-2010 02:36 PM

haha thanks kygirl. we dated for 9 months.

**kygirl** · 07-19-2010 02:44 PM

I think if you've been together 9 months that she could work on finding herself *with* your support. I mean, it might require her spending more time with her friends or taking up a new hobby, etc but in most circumstances, I think you could offer your support and see what happens. Maybe encourage her to try new things, to keep a journal, to take a trip with her girlfriends... Not sure all of the background, but I am guessing you might know more since you were with her all that time. I wouldn't be pushy but if she loves you (or thinks she might and vice versa), it might be worth supporting her and letting her know that you'd be willing to try to figure it out with her and take things slower.

Others might disagree with me, but sometimes it's nice to have space but sometimes it is also nice to know that someone would be willing to do what they can to help you though a hard time. How old are you two?

**abc123!!** · 07-19-2010 03:49 PM

Im 24 shes just turned 23. I also feel the same way. Why wouldnt she work on finding herself WITH me I just feel like there isnt something right. Something is missing or hiding or she is just putting up a front to try to let me down nice or maybe she truly isnt sure of herself. She moved here for another guy (military) he burnt her and left her hanging now the same situation is arising where she would have to move to another state with me instead she chose to move home instead of moving with me. I never put pressure on her and always supported her decision I just feel like she gave up and got freaked out by everything.

**Mes T** · 07-19-2010 05:45 PM

She might have a feeling of deja-vu... Is she the type to like completely change her life to fit the guy she's with? Some women are like that, leaving friends and family behind to be with some guy, kind of alienating themselves from society in general... If she's at all like that, she may have realized that she wants that to change, and thinks she probably can't do that with you?

**PandaPaws** · 07-19-2010 06:40 PM

Sorry to hear. She might be trying to find herself, but I guess when I read that it sounded like she was trying to let you down nicely. If she was really into you, she would do like others said, find herself WITH you along for the ride. But she wants to do it without you. Maybe she thought you were part of her future, and then realized you weren't, therefore realizing she still needs to look for whatever her future holds. Sorry buddy. You are still young, there are lots of ladies out there that I'm sure would love to find their future with you.

**p3375** · 07-20-2010 02:56 AM

In the end, does it really matter? Either way, she's made it clear that she wants to end the relationship. Why not assume she's being totally honest, take some comfort from her words and wish her a blessed journey?

P