Boyfriend lying to me

**earwig123** · 07-30-2010 02:55 PM

I've recently found out that my boyfriend's been lying to me about some of the stuff that happened in his past - e.g. precisely who he's slept with because she comes over to say hello when we see her. He says this is because he knows how I get worked up over the little things (I have OCD and it manifests itself in feelings about our relationship) and didn't want to make things worse, but I can't stop thinking about it. I know he feels really bad about it, but I just don't know how to deal with it, I feel so let down by the one person I thought would never let me down.

I don't really want to break up with him - before this I was so totally, head over heels in love with him - but I'm having trouble dealing with this. Thanks for any help you can give

**rcoreyus** · 07-30-2010 06:12 PM

I think its best to let someone's past remain in the past. A lot of people have done things they would rather not rehash.

**Mes T** · 08-01-2010 10:23 AM

Lay down a ground rule - "Honey I love you so much, and I know sometimes I can be hard to handle, but please don't lie to me about anything anymore - your honesty is what makes me trust you beyond words, despite my little OCD incidents."

I think he'll understand something like that. Past is past, but lying about stuff isn't cool - if he understands how much that means to you, you should be absolutely fine. And there won't be any need to stop being head over heels in love with him.

Trust me, I went through something veeeeerrryyyy similar about... 4 days ago.

**Gregs Baby** · 08-12-2010 06:34 AM

yuup i agree let it stay in the past. unless theres more signs of him just saying hi to her. and if he really loves you he wouldnt do anything to hurt you. the lying i understand because he lied not to hurt you but when you think about it you wouldnt know about other things about him lying huh? thats why you confront him and ask him if he has ever lied about anything else and if he says no without any kind of sign then you shouldnt worrie but if you soon to find another lie during the relationship then id more likly think of breaking up with him. but thats what guys think and do before even asking or telling you.

**sourpuss** · 08-12-2010 07:43 AM

His past is his past and your past is your past. You should leave it that way. Obsessing over it will only make a good thing go bad.

**PandaPaws** · 08-12-2010 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

His past is his past and your past is your past. You should leave it that way. Obsessing over it will only make a good thing go bad.

I needed to read this today. For whatever reason, I started to think about my bf's past today, and I KNOW it was in the past, but I don't know, I just get insecure because we've had a rough year. Glad to see this thread.

To the OP, yes, HONESTY is SO important in a relationship - and he needs to NOT lie to you again. I went through something a lot worse with my bf lying, and let me tell you, it is HARD to trust... So, with something that is pretty small like this, hopefully your guy learned to not do it in the future.

**wednesdaymorning** · 08-19-2010 02:25 AM

I agree with everyone who's said that the past is that past. You shouldn't worry about what has happened in the past, and, also he wasn't hiding it to hurt you, but to protect you. That there is a good sign. I know within the first month I knew my boyfriend he told me the gruesome details of all thirty-some-odd women he'd been with so that he could "get it all out of the way." To be honest, sometimes I wish he hadn't. If you want to be in the know, however, you should just ask him to tell you everything and lay it all out on the table. Then there's no guessing.