Is it bad that I'm curious about my bf's sexual past?

**ki2010** · 07-31-2010 01:46 AM

I wonder sometimes, like who he lost his virginity to and maybe the things he's done with them... I'm his 5th and he's only my 3rd sexual partner... and I want us to have something that is different from all the other ones... but how do I know? Do I just ask him what he hasn't done yet? or what??? Urghh... but I know the old saying... curiosity killed the cat... do I want to know? So confused.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-31-2010 02:30 AM

A passing curiousity about your partners past is natural... obsessing over it is not a good thing, for you OR him. You've had 3 partners before him, how relevent are they to the sex you have with your boyfriend now? Do you think of them when you have sex with him? Do you compare him to them? Probably not, and he probably doesn't either.

You have nothing to benefit from learning the details of his encounters. You don't have to get a list of what he's done to learn things he hasn't tried yet that you can explore together. Everything you guys do IS new... you are a different person from them... whether its kissing, sex, a bj etc... you do it different, you are different just as he is.

I understand you want to find something that will set you apart but you need to get it in your head that the fact that you are the one he loves and is with now IS what sets you apart.

When you ask someone about their past sexual experiences in detail you are putting them in a very very unfair and awkward position. You're basically asking them to lie to you, or to hurt your feelings and neither of those choices are something anyone wants to be faced with.

Imagine if your current boyfriend does not have the biggest penis you've ever slept with, now imagine him asking you if he does... imagine the position that would put you in. Lie, or tell him the truth and hurt his feelings. Not a cool spot eh? You'd think to yourself... it so doesn't matter!! Whyyyyy are you asking this?!

Don't do that to him, or yourself. Learn to accept that you both have lived lives before meeting each other and those lives lead are the same ones that ended up pushing you into each others direction. Any deviation away from the way your pasts played out may have created a whole different present, one where the two of you never even got together.

By not asking you get to not have to think about the past and leave it in its proper place-- the past. Getting details will only fill your head with negetive thoughts and anxieties over things that just. dont. matter.

Just love him the man he is, enjoy the sex that you two share, the intimacy, the closeness... explore things together that are NEW for your relationship, NEW for the two of you as a couple (regardless of if they are things hes ever done, or never done...)they are new because they are with you

**WildChild** · 07-31-2010 08:39 AM

HD, as always, makes some very good points. I would add only that you should focus on what you want to explore, learn about and try. Take him on your learning journey and share it with him. Neither of you has had many partners. 5 may seem like a lot to you but really unless he had them within a pretty short time frame, that isn't many.

**Casey715** · 07-31-2010 09:37 AM

Do NOT ask. If you want to do something new with your man, talk to him. Or better yet, just do what you have in mind, pretty sure he won't object.

**ki2010** · 08-01-2010 10:20 PM

Thanks for the replies guys, very helpful indeed and I agree. Feel much better.

**jns** · 08-02-2010 12:12 AM

It's best not to talk about past relationships because comparisons inevitably come up and cause problems. The person you are with should be the best you ever had and vice versa. Explore everything as if it was the first time you did it.