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Thread: Man with a best friend girl?

  1. #1
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array ren_07's Avatar
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    Default Man with a best friend girl?


    So this guy I am seeing has a best friend who's a girl. Always hanging out, always going out, but they're not dating. Honestly, I don't think he has feelings for her, but I'm kinda a believer that friends in with opposite sexes can't happen unless they both are in committed relationships or have surrounding circumstances that deem the relationship as a "no" and it just wouldn't happen. I feel at one point someone might have some confused feelings for the other person. Idk. So yeah does this really mean anything? Should I feel threatened? Anyone been in this uncomfortable situation? This man has a thing for being friends with girls more so than guys and giving them the wrong impression bc he doesn't see them that way.
    In the end, the king and the pawn both go into the same box.

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Well I would say firstly your "seeing him" so until you have been dating for a while, it's not something I would change, bring up or worry about...

    Secondly, alot of people can't get on with the same sex. I am one of those people, I can now but when I was younger, there was alot of jealousy going on so the oposite sex was easier to communicate with.. He may also have that problem.

    You say that he gives them the wrong impression and he doesn't see them that way, well then I would say you have no fear at all as time goes on, he just prefers female's company...

    I am sure once you two have been exclusive for some time, all of those girls will get to meet you and all of them will know straight away that he has a girlfriend so that will solve the above problem.

    CW
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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array ren_07's Avatar
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    Well the other problem is we live two hours apart so they don't see me in his life. Most wouldn't think twice to stomp on my territory if they liked him ya know? And we've been dating for a few months now, he's already asked me to be his girlfriend but I wanted to wait a little longer so I could get to know him better due to the distance and see how we're gonna work on that. That's the only reason I use the term "seeing." It was really my choice for that status lol
    In the end, the king and the pawn both go into the same box.

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    lols.

    Well, he has to be telling you then doesn't he that he's catching up with these "friends", that they sometimes get the wrong impression... He's either trying to push you along, get you worried, and therefore commit because he wants a "relationship" with you, or you have an honest person on your hands to which you should thank.

    Now off course, to throw a spanner in the works, he could be having sexual relations with all of them and hiding by making those comments

    You obviously know him somewhat but not enough to know which scenario it is, nor do we.

    Why don't you work a way in which you can go visit him for a few days, see how you really feel, how you are together with 3 full days for instance and in that time, ask to meet some of his friends? Including the girls
    PUT A LITTLE LIGHT IN MY SOUL!

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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) FEBRUARY 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array stressed's Avatar
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    I also have it easier to be friends with men than women, without any sexual feelings being involved at all (it's like the saying: you would not have sex with a true friend even if you were alone with him on an island for years, and that's how I feel about my male friends. No offense to their looks, but I just can't see a male friend in a sexual way, they're closer to being 'brothers' than 'men' in a way).

    There's also this little 'competition' among women that men don't have when it comes to friendships. Some men say that they rather be friends with women because women are more understanding and better listeners than men, that they can talk to them about relationship problems without feeling awkward. Others say that there can never be a real friendship between a man and a woman. I suppose it depends on the people involved.

    However, when you are in a serious relationship close friendships with the opposite sex do tend to cause some kind of worry. You wouldn't want him to tell everything about your relationship to another woman and you wouldn't want him to spend more time with her than you. What you can find out is why they never thought of being a couple (since they're such great friends). Maybe they thought about it but it never worked out or they're not attracted to each other. In any case, at this stage it should not be too much of a worry for you, but the more you get to know each other the less time he has to spend with her. It's one thing to have friends of the opposite sex and another to be "close buddies" with them. I don't think that's healthy for a relationship.

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    Sorry but be assured, if a man hangs out with a girl a lot, hes into her 90% of the time. But if shes not into him, sometimes thats cool, and he moves on, to you for example, which is cool if you are both up to it.

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    Junior Member Array KDia03's Avatar
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    Just personally-
    My ex was like this too. Tons of female friends. TONS. He had... I dunno... maybe one or two 'close' guy friends. I think this really had a lot to do with his own identity. Although he wasn't gay, he wasn't a sterotypical guy, either. Very emotional... and very manipulative... in a way I'd only encountered before in women. It always made me uncomfortable. Girls might be better listeners, easier to talk to, whatever, but the best thing about having unattached female friends to a heterosexual man? Possibility.

    He was always open about it, saying: "Oh, I'm hanging out with so-and-so..." and I'd just assume that since he was being open about it then he must be being honest, too. Not the case. He cheated on me with one of them. As for the others, I always got a feeling he was holding out for them, but they just didn't see him that way. C'est la vie. I understand having opposite sex friends - we all have those - but if the majority are, they hang out often, and one of them is his best friend... I'd be suspicious. I, for one, am never putting myself in that position again.
    Last edited by KDia03; 08-18-2010 at 04:04 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ren_07 View Post
    So this guy I am seeing has a best friend who's a girl. Always hanging out, always going out, but they're not dating. Honestly, I don't think he has feelings for her, but I'm kinda a believer that friends in with opposite sexes can't happen unless they both are in committed relationships or have surrounding circumstances that deem the relationship as a "no" and it just wouldn't happen. I feel at one point someone might have some confused feelings for the other person. Idk. So yeah does this really mean anything? Should I feel threatened? Anyone been in this uncomfortable situation? This man has a thing for being friends with girls more so than guys and giving them the wrong impression bc he doesn't see them that way.
    I don't think there is zero attraction going on in any male/female friendship, but I do think it's common one of the people has ALL of the attraction for the other one. I once had a female friend I was close to that wanted to date me and I was not physically attracted to her in the least. I think the level of attraction varies a lot from minimal to full blown crush. And I also think that both people usually know about the level of attraction without necessarily talking about it.

    But if your boyfriend can't bond and make friends with men too, then there might be something else going on there. He might not have confidence in his own masculinity. Just my take anyway.

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