This happens . . .

**PEN15** · 08-05-2010 09:57 PM

My boyfriend is about to go to jail...
Well, that's not exactly true. He has been on bail the past several years (almost 3) and now in September hopefully is finally going to be his trial. I am not sure what he is facing, but the worst case is I think 5 years.
I am also starting to live on my own, starting University, having financial problems because of that and because I can't find a suitable room (we are living together atm, but its hard to say what the future holds).
Because of that I am extremely stressed out and he... well... I don't really know. Every time I try to get him to talk about it he tells me that he doesn't think about things like that. But the reality is - we've barely spoken at all lately. He doesn't even look at me any more and the only time I get him to get in bed with me is when I not only initiate, but pretty much drag him there.
He goes to bed at odd hours ( way after me) and apparently I'm aggressive against him when he tried to hug me (while I'm already asleep). To prove that I am he showed me his arms which are scratched up from both sides.
However in reality I'm always suffering from not having enough contact with him, feeling lonely and missing him greatly.

Anyway... not really sure what one can do with this.
I guess not many have boyfriends who may be going to prison

**p3375** · 08-06-2010 03:26 AM

Pen15:
No, never had to deal with that. But I have to wonder if the thought of impending prison isn't weighing on his mind a lot, maybe more than he's telling you. Big changes for you both shortly, you starting college and him maybe going to prison. He may be thinking you won't have any kind of contact after Sept., that you'll find someone else at school drift apart. I just can't imagine what that's like.
You can't force him to communicate - not talking may be his way of avoiding thinking about what happens after the trial. I'd just say if you love him try to be patient and supportive.
Sorry, not much help...
Pat

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-06-2010 04:26 AM

Actually Pat you said it all, ....

His mind can't be on you rather, what ever he did that may pend him to jaol for 5 years...

You need to deside if what he did is something he won't do, again.. learnt, lesson learnt or whether, ove or not, he is destined to continue... It's your life as well.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-06-2010 12:58 PM

"I don't think about things like that", coming from a guy, in my experience, usually means it's something they DO think about, but don't WANT to think about and don't WANT to take responsibility for.

Obviously, this is a very tough time for both of you. I see one major difference here though. He's going to jail, paying for HIS actions, something he's responsible for, something HE did. You didn't do anything, yet you have to suffer through it too. I feel for you for that.

I'm sure he is really only thinking of himself right now....the fact that he's going to be going to jail and have his life in an uproar.

But like CW asks, is he someone who made a mistake and has straightened up his life? Is he someone with ambition and motivation in life to do well and have a happy healthy relationship? Does he make you feel loved, special, beautiful? Do you think he's something that will truly be a good partner for you?

**hizenberg** · 08-08-2010 11:47 PM

i guess he could be bottling up all the emotions that would come with facing the reality of going to prison, by being distant to you he could be feeling like that helps because it somehow will make it 'easier' to let go, if that makes sense??
open up to him and tell him how you feel and how you care about him, as said above, all you can be is supportive for him, let him know you are their for him.
i wish you all the best with the outcome to the jail subject??

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