Meyers-Briggs Types and Couples?

**kygirl** · 08-24-2010 08:34 AM

So I am very much "my type" under this testing and recently, I had my BF take the test when I had to retake for a class of mine. It was soooo amazing to me how much it reminded me both why I do what I do a lot of times and why HE does what he does. It's totally a difference in the types of people that we are like deep down. I mean, I knew we had differences but now, little things that I think I chalked up to him being inconsiderate or too busy at times, I now realize he does because that is what seems "natural" and "normal" to him.

Do you think this type of testing should be done by all couples? Do you think it'd be helpful? Have you tried it?

I really feel like this has changed my outlook quite a bit and has also (in addition to the things we have learned by default) allowed us to really start to see where we are both coming from since we (according to the scale) are exact opposites

**pretzel** · 08-24-2010 08:49 AM

yes and no.

yes it is helpful if you understand how your SO thinks and does what's normal for them under certain conditions.

no in that finding out for oneself is an important part of learning and growing in a relationship.

**kygirl** · 08-24-2010 09:42 AM

I agree you should find out. I mean, I think at this point, the test has been helpful to build on what I already knew. It also has kind of helped me gain an appreciation for why he does certain things and to understand that things I do without a thought require some work on his part. In that regard, it makes me appreciate steps outside of his "box" so to speak.

I do think that a book/test shouldn't be the end all to your discovery as a person/as a couple, but I did find it interesting that we often pick opposites as mates and people with similar characteristics as close friends.

**pretzel** · 08-24-2010 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by kygirl

I agree you should find out. I mean, I think at this point, the test has been helpful to build on what I already knew. It also has kind of helped me gain an appreciation for why he does certain things and to understand that things I do without a thought require some work on his part. In that regard, it makes me appreciate steps outside of his "box" so to speak.

I do think that a book/test shouldn't be the end all to your discovery as a person/as a couple, but I did find it interesting that we often pick opposites as mates and people with similar characteristics as close friends.

If I had to guage your Meyers-Briggs, I'd venture your probably a INTJ type (as I am) who views this as another tool in your understanding of not only how he sees the world, but also in your own journey to understand who you are and why you see things the way you do.

As to why we seem to attract ourselves to an opposite is also part balance where we see and are attracted to those characteristics that are not always our own strong suits. I'm sure you've heard the saying "He/She completes me" is true in some regards. There is a subconscious in us that wants those things that are dominant in our own selves so in that sense when your partner has those things dominant in their personalities that when combined with our own strengths, does make us more.

**kygirl** · 08-24-2010 10:27 AM

Actually, I have taken the test several times in different formats and I am always an ENFJ. I tend to be very very high in regards to the F. The E/I is usually pretty close and really could go either way but I am definitely an F

I think that is one HUGE source of contention at times between my BF and I. He is VERY much a T. He appreciates me and loves me, but is not always the swiftest to reiterate it. I, on the other hand, am constantly asking him how things are, how he is, how I feel about him, etc. He really does make great efforts to work on that. Men do predominantly tend to be "Ts".

I think the hardest thing at times is to remember that the things that sometimes drive me bonkers (because them seem "off") to me are also the same things that I love about him. I have told him this multiple times, but I truly believe we give a sense of balance to each other. It is hard at times, but it allows us to both see the benefits and the issues with us as we are which I think truly does allow us to grow as people.

Geeze that sounds all sappy

I could definitely see how you would be an INTJ

**pretzel** · 08-24-2010 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by kygirl

Actually, I have taken the test several times in different formats and I am always an ENFJ. I tend to be very very high in regards to the F. The E/I is usually pretty close and really could go either way but I am definitely an F

I think that is one HUGE source of contention at times between my BF and I. He is VERY much a T. He appreciates me and loves me, but is not always the swiftest to reiterate it. I, on the other hand, am constantly asking him how things are, how he is, how I feel about him, etc. He really does make great efforts to work on that. Men do predominantly tend to be "Ts".

I think the hardest thing at times is to remember that the things that sometimes drive me bonkers (because them seem "off") to me are also the same things that I love about him. I have told him this multiple times, but I truly believe we give a sense of balance to each other. It is hard at times, but it allows us to both see the benefits and the issues with us as we are which I think truly does allow us to grow as people.

Geeze that sounds all sappy

I could definitely see how you would be an INTJ

That my dear, is the secret to a happy relationship. Many times when things go awry, it's because of this.

**baja** · 08-25-2010 06:00 PM

Personality tests such as these can vary as our individual preferences and behaviors change over time. What is best about tests like this is to see how your score can "drift" as time passes and what it implies... as well as understand areas of overlap/difference between you and those important in your life. As for me, I am an ENTJ, and after taking the test years ago and realizing the traits of this personality type, it definitely helped put things into perspective across work and personal dimensions.

**WildChild** · 08-25-2010 07:10 PM

I think I'm an INFJ but it probably varies.

**kygirl** · 08-26-2010 07:33 AM

baja,

I think I agree that some things change over time and due to experiences, etc. But I do totally agree that being aware of how you and those people close of you view things/process things/etc is soooo helpful! It's great to be able to understand that just because you process and handle things differently doesn't mean the other person doesn't care and/or mad at you and/or whatever the case may be. It really gives you a starting point I think.

**LanaBear** · 08-26-2010 10:16 AM

I'm very similar to you KY, although I do think it may change over time. The last I took it, I was ESFJ. I'm not sure if my hubby has ever taken it, but if I had to guess, I'd say he would be pretty much opposite of me, INTJ.