Should I fight for her or wait?

**Anonymoose** · 08-29-2010 10:43 PM

So this new relationship I was in started not too long ago and ended last night. As in only a matter of one month we have been together but friends before for about 4 months. Things went well until she asked me "do you really like me? " and "are you sure your ready for a relationship with me? please be honest." The best answer I ended up giving her was I dont really know?
Probably not what she wanted to hear so she told me that maybe we should give it some time and be single once again. Of course it really upset me, not only did she told me over texts but the next morning I got a message saying "I hope you know that I'm not upset with you, I still want us to be friends and please dont stop talking to me, you can text me every once in a while" than an hour later i get "Oh need to get my house key from you, ill just pick it up on monday" I didnt text her back and its been two days since.

Now my last relationship was over a year ago and It didnt turn out too well either but I was much more attached. Only because we dated for more than 1 month and it makes it even harder to get over. But I've learned to be a much more confident person and learned a lot from it. I did read a post earlier about men being too sensitive or passive in expressing their feelings, I could possibly be one of those men

So my question is...Should I move on with my life or try to be friends with her?
Maybe give her that space and time to think things over cause i know she has really strong feelings for me as I do her but I really hurt her by saying what I said. I have a hard time at the moment trying to vent with friends because most of them know her.

**LanaBear** · 08-29-2010 10:54 PM

Does the turn of events make you want to take back what you said?

If you want to be friends with her, then try it out. Could you handle seeing her in another relationship or will you be hit upside the head with the jealousy frying pan? If so, then you should probably bypass the friendship and move on.

It was only a month, but she sounds like she's looking for someone who knows what they want in a relationship. She doesn't want to be met with the I don't knows, when asked if someone is sure they want to be in a relationship after being with them for a month.

**hizenberg** · 08-30-2010 01:03 AM

Does this person make you happy,and feel good about yourself,and not put you down?? Do they make you want to try new things and go for your goals?? Most importantley Do you See yourself marrying this person?? The last question helped me to make an important decision in my life and it may also help you??
Sounds like your stuck in limbo on this one,i hope i was kind of helpful.I hope all go's well for you

**caterpillar79** · 08-30-2010 06:44 AM

Unless you really know what you want, you should move on. For me, there's no room for "I don't knows" when it comes to relationships. That girl is wise to ask first before investing so much. I was not like that before, hence I wasted a year of my life chasing the end of the rainbow.

1. Evaluate yourself. What do you really want? Depending how old you are... But still ask, do you see yourself spending a lifetime with her? Do you feel "safe" sharing your thoughts with her? Is she sweet and caring? What does she want in a relationship - are you in the same page?

2. Give her enough space and after you have evaluated what it is you want, you can get back and discuss (if she's not in another relationship yet). If she is, just learn your lesson. If not, then you can proceed on rekindling the fire, this time, more clear about your intentions. Read some self-help books like No More Mr. Nice Guy by Glover; Blue Truth by David Deida; Man Transformation Program by David DeAngelo.

**WildChild** · 08-30-2010 06:50 AM

A month isn't all that long and I can understand why you might not feel fully 'in' it after that much time. If you had her key it sounds like this moved pretty fast, maybe too fast? The infatuation phase, which is created by a flood of chemicals released into your body, lasts 6 months to two years, once that subsides you find out what you really have.
If you can handle it, be freinds, see how that goes and then you can re-evaluate if the situation warrents.

**Anonymoose** · 08-30-2010 02:51 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone. It really helped me see many options I couldn't have myself. I ended up going to her apartment this morning to give back her keys and other random belongings. Its only been two days since we've contacted each other but we did talk about the situation. I guess we sort of are in limbo still but later today she wants to hang out, I'm not jealous or upset that we cant do anything that we used to as a couple but I know all of it happened way too fast. I'm content with being just friends for now and wait to see how it ends up down the road.