He's the perfect guy for me but I just don't like him...

**SomiticPit** · 09-02-2010 06:36 PM

So, I've been friends with this guy for about six months now. He really likes me, and has even gone far enough to tell me he's falling in love with me. He would be the perfect guy for me too. He'd treat me so right. He's pretty cute, he's super sweet, he's always so helpful to not just me, but to everybody! He's nice, he's passionate and in touch with his emotions. He really wants to be with me, but I get this impression from him that he's desperate, and I just don't really hear the music with him. He is tired of us just being friends and says that we've been friends long enough for me to know if I want to be with him or not. He retreats from me sometimes when he gets frustrated that I won't be with him, and he'll refuse to be around where I am at because he says it hurts to much to be around me, but I hate it so much when he acts like we can't even be friends, because I enjoy being his friend. I don't get it. What should I do with him?

**Mes T** · 09-02-2010 06:54 PM

If you don't want to date him, then tell him - you might have to lose the friendship, but I think it'd be selfish of you to keep a guy around who clearly wants more.

You both might be sad for a while for different reasons, but in the long run letting him go free would be best for both of ya.

**rcoreyus** · 09-03-2010 08:33 AM

Think about why you aren't interested in him. Be sure that you haven't fallen into the trap of thinking that anyone who wants you so "desperately" must have something wrong with them. Be sure you aren't scared off because he seems too perfect.

Then - if you really are sure that he isn't right for you, tell him very nicely. You will probably lose him as a friend - it is very difficult to spend time with someone you love if they don't return that love.

What sort of people to attract you?

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-03-2010 09:28 AM

I think that its kind of toxic to keep someone around that has a real interest in 'more' with you when you see them as only a friend. He may be a really good friend that you don't wish to lose... but there are other friends. He put his cards on the table and has said being around you hurts his feelings that he can't be more with you, so having him around in order to not lose a friendship... is putting him in a real bad position. His feelings aren't going to change, so he'll just continue to be hurt especially if you start dating etc.. If you don't want anything romantic with the guy, it might be best to just sort of let the friendship fizzle out or you will just constantly have to feel guilty for hurting him when in reality you've done nothing wrong.

Women generally know... right off the bat if they see the guy in a sexual/relationship way or see him as a buddy/brother and its RARE rare rare that we move a guy from one zone to the other. But a guy, if he really likes you, he'll hold out hope (foolishly) that one day you will realize how awesome he is and start developing sexual/relationshp feelings for him ... it just generally doesn't happen.

So rather than string him along setting him up for more and more hurt feelings.. I would just pull back all together and give him the space he needs to get his feelings dealt with.

He may be perfect on paper but if the chemistry isn't there... it isn't there.