Puzzled relative

**stressed** · 09-09-2010 11:14 AM

So I have this male relative in his mid 30's, who is currently studying at uni. He's single, very easy-going, talkative, nice guy, has had a number of failed relationships. He's going through a strange situation which I find hard to understand:

There are these two girls who are onto him all the time, they are friends with each other, but they either invite him for dinner, or to go out, or claim they've given him their notes by mistake and so on. He has made it clear to them that he's not interested. Yet, they are around him all the time, when they spot him talking to another girl they get in the way, take the girl aside, tell her something, and then the girl is not interested in him any longer. As if they tell something to the girls he's interested in to make them run away. He had planned a date with a girl and everything was fine during and before class, even during the break, but after the end of the lesson one of those other girls took her aside, told her something, then that girl came out to meet him and told him she's not sure about the date, she'll think about it, she thought it was next weekend, she'll mail him, we'll see.

This is very odd behaviour and I don't know what advice to give. He's worried because he feels that as soon as he talks to a girl then these other two girls get in the way, say something and then it's ruined. They've all only been there for a few weeks so it doesn't make sense as they don't know each other. He could confront those two girls and ask what's going on, but then again he has no proof that they talked about him. He's given me several examples that tell me they do it on purpose but it's hard to prove.

Any ideas? This is all too weird for me.

**KMonte85** · 09-09-2010 11:40 AM

Can he ask the girls whose interest in him disappeared after speaking with those two women? Perhaps if he still is on speaking terms with them, on of those girls could tell him what they are being told.... he could casually ask why their interest waned, and ask if the girls told them something that turned them off, explaining their crush, jealousy, and his incling that their maliciously spreading lies to keep him single. Even if he doesn't get the girl to like him again, he might get some valuable information.

I think he may also want tell these two women that are on him all the time to back off and make that happen. If they're around him all the time and he doesn't want them to be, it is not that hard to make it so they can't be around him constantly other than if they have class together... perhaps telling them that he's on to their ridiculous antics will deter them from doing it anymore! what they're doing seems fishy, and he could get a bad reputation quite quickly at his uni if what they're saying is nasty enough...

**stressed** · 09-09-2010 11:45 AM

I agree, he needs more information about what they spread around. I'm only worried that none of them would admit what they were told. It's just so strange that they would be so cold afterwards just because someone told them something without even knowing them, how naive can one be?

I also agree about telling them off.
Very interesting approach.

**rcoreyus** · 09-09-2010 11:47 AM

Sounds like they want him and are telling other women things to keep them away - nasty if true. Any chance he could talk to one of the girls they have talked to and see what they said? Or maybe he has a friend who could talk to one of the girls that has been discouraged? Its a bit confusing - both girls want him and they are collaborating? What do they want? Do they both want a date with him at the same time? (OK - ignoring that this is a common male fantasy, I can see how it would be really strange).

**stressed** · 09-09-2010 12:18 PM

It seems like one of the two could be interested and the other just helps. They even changed assignment group and now they are in his group. They are both from the same country so it wouldn't surprise if they have "allied" over this.
He's going to talk to the girl he had a date with and try to find out what's going on. I also told him to tell off these two, because, like KM said, he can get a bad reputation very quickly and there aren't that many students in the course. (I also wonder about the possibility of both of them wanting to date him at the same time!).

**KMonte85** · 09-09-2010 12:32 PM

I hope he figures out soon what is going on! Poor guy - as if college and dating weren't complicated enough as is!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-09-2010 12:59 PM

He's in his mid 30's, how old are these girls?

If he's this sure they're causing him problems behind his back, it's time to tell them to buzz off. Or start keeping his love interests totally private from them so they are unaware of who he has asked out, etc. It's none of their business anyway. And if they're truly doing this, why does he want them as friends anyway?

**stressed** · 09-09-2010 01:06 PM

The "help" girl is 25, the other one is 30, 30+.

By what he told me, he will say the occasional "good morning" to them, or have a general small talk before class, but when he does is to make conversation before class and not because he's interested. I told him that they may be taking this the wrong way, so it's better to stop talking to them all together. He doesn't want them as friends at all, but he's the kind of guy who'd have a small talk with anyone (i.e. sports, weather, stuff like that).

I should know more tomorrow as he's going to act. I'm very curious about this as it's the first time I hear people act like that over the age of 12.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-09-2010 01:12 PM

Weird. I agree it's not typical behaviour of women that age. And typically, women are territorial enough (or at least the ones I know hehe) that they wouldn't be willing to share their love interest with another female, as is the case here. Very strange.

Sounds like he needs to be more private about who he asks out, etc. How do they know who he's interested in anyway?

Unless he's just a creeper and girls are blowing him off. Lol.

**stressed** · 09-09-2010 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Weird. I agree it's not typical behaviour of women that age. And typically, women are territorial enough (or at least the ones I know hehe) that they wouldn't be willing to share their love interest with another female, as is the case here. Very strange.

Sounds like he needs to be more private about who he asks out, etc. How do they know who he's interested in anyway?

Unless he's just a creeper and girls are blowing him off. Lol.

hahahaha! Maybe he does something that scares them, I've no idea lol
But wouldn't they be scared right away then? It wouldn't take them 3 weeks lol

How do they know, that's a good question. He claims that since they're always around they see who he talks with, since it's someone in their course, so they jump in right away. Also, there is this guy who told him that the girl he wanted to date (without knowing about the date) looked at him with a very scary look that surprised him, right after one of those girls told her something. It's quite a number of coincidences here.

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