When will I be ready to date?

**tesoro** · 09-12-2010 08:42 PM

I am recently separated after 23 yrs of marriage. My ex was my high school sweetheart so I never really had much experience with "dating". Now that I am single again, I am trying to get back on my feet emotionally and spend some quality time with my family and friends.

One of my friends wants to introduce me to a great guy she knows but I don't feel ready to meet new men just yet. Any thoughts out there on when and how I should begin dating and enjoying the company of single men? I feel so out of the loop on this having been a SO for sooo many years.

**secret0524** · 09-13-2010 12:52 AM

Tesoro. Right now, if you don't feel ready, occupy yourself something else besides men at the moment. Don't feel pressured to meet other men right away. Maybe do something that your marriage kept you from doing. Maybe a girl's night out, join a club, or a vacation outside the country, keep yourself occupied for a little bit and then think about it. I think you're thinking too much right now and you need to give yourself some time and distance.

**Mes T** · 09-13-2010 07:57 AM

I agree with the above. Date when you feel ready and comfortable with the idea. Enjoy the single life for now!

Meet guys but only as friends - that'll "get you out there" but without any pressure to pursue something.

And then one day, when you feel healed and ready to love someone again, you'll just click with someone naturally... maybe when you're least expecting it.

**WildChild** · 09-13-2010 08:24 AM

OK, here's a plan for you.
Check out Mama Gena. She has some crazy ideas - like you can date casually and get to know lots of different men and have fun sharing some time with them - without making a long term commitment in the first 10 mins or even the first 10 weeks. You could even learn and practice safe sex and just have some fun with that. You might actually find a man you enjoy sharing your body and your time with and figure that out before you get yourself feeling obilgated and locked in.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-13-2010 12:35 PM

There's no real magic number here.... but I think if you can go out with someone, without becoming instantly emotionally attached then you're ready. I think if you start dating someone and find yourself :

1. Feeling like you are moving too fast
2. Depending upon them to make you feel good about yourself
4. Spend more time with them than you do alone
5. Only making plans with them and not with girlfriends, family, etc

Then you are NOT ready to date. But at some point, you'll have to test the waters to find that out.

In the meantime, take it easy on yourself. This time, is a beautiful time....time of peace, tranqulity, getting to know yourself, etc. Cherish this time and use it to truly develop into who you REALLY are on your own. Get used to people trying to set you up, it won't be the last time...for some reason, some people think that you have to have a man in your life to be complete, so they will constantly try to "complete" you. Once they realize that you ARE complete on your own, they'll leave you be.

I recommend "Eat Pray Love" if you haven't read it.

Congrats on your new beginning.

**tesoro** · 09-13-2010 07:01 PM

Thanks so much for your responses everyone. I really appreciate your advice. Yes, BD, I am actually reading Eat, Pray, Love right now. Great book!
Thank you for reminding me that this is a new beginning for me. I will take it slow for now, just one day at a time and see how I feel.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-15-2010 03:29 AM

I definately don't think you can date until your ready, not at least for the emotional side of it all...

Then there's confidence, which is scary..

Then there's who is a player and who is real?

I agree, take time for you first, up-most, find you... be happy in yourself, know exactly what you want and what you won't accept.

Date, for the sake of getting dressed up, 10 min coffee date, is nothing, other than scary

But it gets you back into the dating game, gets you dressed up and understanding yourself, confidence and it allows you to see just what it will be like when you are ready... Always, always, make your own way and your own way home and never give out your address...

There is alot of baggage out there, no persay, kids, but thoughts on what happened to them.. So, in that, they can be selfish purely and only, wanting company, sex...

Look for someone who knows what they want and have a passion in life... That is the one that you will be able to work with

CW