Being a good little patient single girl.......

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-15-2010 08:48 AM

But am I being too patient?

Or am I not being patient enough?

Fortunately, I got over my moment of irrational craziness last week. I attribute part of that to the funk that I seemed to be in for a few days, that I have kicked to the curb. ha. But now...here's the deal:

Same guy. He was really sick last week, I knew that, I could tell. But before he got sick, RIGHT before, he asked me to go on a date with him that Sunday. Well, I had a cookout with my family out of town that day so I couldn't go out with him. Turned out to be a good thing since by Monday he was sick as a dog....I sure didn't want his germs. hehe. Anywho, he was totally understanding about why I couldn't go out with him that day, and then during the time he was sick he kept saying things about taking me out when he got better. So this past weekend when we were talking, and he was still pretty much couch bound but feeling better, he said "I still haven't gotten to take you out. And I have to work next weekend and my family is coming in. I'll figure something out though". By work, he means he works the football games at our University. I too plan to be at the game, but with a group of my friends tailgating and such.

So far this week I've tried to let him initiate MOST of the contact, but every now and then will send him a text because I don't want him to be sitting there thinking "she never contacts me, she must not be interested". Last night, we were joking around on the text and he said "I can't wait

" and I said "for what?" and he said "To be able to call you and ask you out on a date. I'm still coughing alot.

" I responded, "Excuses excuses. Well, if you're lucky I'll still be around when decide to get off the pot.

" and he responded "I totally deserved that. lol". Then we said our goodnights.

I got no "good morning" from him this morning. And I ask myself, would I have heard from him yesterday had I not text him a "good morning" yesterday morning? Hmmm.

I think I'm over-thinking this big time. But I'm not used to this. I'm just used to if a guy is interested, he pursues me, I play a little hard to get, we go out, etc. lol. This guy pursued me, no doubt... but then it's like we've gotten to this point and nothing else is happening. I feel like I'm getting to the point where it's like "Take a dump or get off the pot". lol. Of course, I don't want to be pushy, but I know he knows I'm interested, and I know he knows I'm interested in going out with him. Then I think, "hmm...maybe he's tight on money?". I mean, I don't know him, I don't know his situation. Or, maybe he's just not THAT interested.

Am I being impatient? Gosh...being single is great, but this whole dating (or in this case, talking!) is for the birds. Lol.

**pretzel** · 09-15-2010 08:53 AM

Ok, old guy question,

If you want to go out with him, what's stopping you from asking him?

Traditions sometimes get in the way.

**sourpuss** · 09-15-2010 08:55 AM

Dating sucks, for sure. But I think you should just wait it out. You're both busy and he's been sick. I think you're doing the right thing. If he doesn't ask you to do something (and actually follow through) within the next week or so, I'd let it go.
Some guys just like the attention. Not to say that's what he's doing. He's obviously putting in the effort to stay in contact. But he better do something soon.

**sungoddesschelsy** · 09-15-2010 08:58 AM

sounds agonizing, but I'd say he's been sick and doesn't want to get you sick or even let you see him at anything but his best. I'd say you are being impatient, but I would be too.
Do you know where he lives? maybe when you are texting some night you could just surprise him at his house... just hang out for a short time, go for a walk or something you know. This way he'll definately know you are interested in him and give him a little motovation to ask you out sooner.

**Mes T** · 09-15-2010 08:59 AM

I agree with pretzel on this one, I think you could just ask him out yourself. Maybe he's just shy. Why let a good one slip away... when maybe all you had to do was initiate something?

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-15-2010 09:20 AM

In the early phases of getting to know someone I think sharing the responsibility to contact is important -- its a good barometer of how interested you both are and so creating a volley system is best -- I mean, no hard and fast rules with it because theres always exceptions but if you contacted him first yesterday... let him contact you first today or tomarrow. Being the one to inniciate first communication can lead to him taking for granted that you will be in touch (not in the bad way, in the lazy way) so he may come off less interested than he is just because he doesn't feel he has to check in first, that you will when you are ready to talk etc...

So its best to just tit for tat it while you are getting familiar that way neither of you feels pushed and neither of you feels like the one doing all the groundwork.

It could be financial, it could be that now that you guys have spent so much time talking apart from each other -- he could be getting nervous about an actual date, thinking its been built up too much -- know what I mean? Like the longer you guys talk about going out but not doing it , the more it elevates expectations (or fear of expectations) so i say get that first date handled asap lol..

I could never be the one to inniciate a hook up with someone -- I am way too weird about that... but once you have already established the hook up, are talking on the phone etc I dont see anything wrong with you mentioning a movie you want to see and asking if he will come along... if you fear money may be a factor in it... make a lighthearted comment about you buying the tickets if he gets the popcorn or vice versa to show him that you are not expecting him to finance everythig -- though its very likely he wont let you pay anyway :P

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-15-2010 09:42 AM

If you want to go out with him, what's stopping you from asking him?

H to the E to the Double L NO.

Now, would I be opposed to that if he was some guy I met out somewhere and was interested in? Nah. I might ask him out. But this fella spotted me at a work event, and then sloooowly started sending me a little email here and there, then eventually asked for my number and told me he'd like to take me out on a date. At this point if I say, "Hey, wanna go on a date with me" then I'm afraid that would seem a bit desperate and/or pushy. Ya know? I feel like, if he's interested, which he says he is, then make it happen.

He's obviously putting in the effort to stay in contact. But he better do something soon.

Agreed. Lol. It's touchy, like I said, because I don't want to be pushy...but I'm just at this point where I want to go out with this person and see if he's someone I'm interested in continuing to talk to. Otherwise, we're just phone buddies. And what's the point in that!?

Do you know where he lives?

I don't know where he lives. We've never even been out together, so I've never asked much about his personal details. He knows I'm interested. I've minced no words. I'm not throwing hints expecting him to pick up on them. And he does make an attempt to keep in contact with me.

I don't want to be insensitive. If it's a money thing, (which I would totally understand because I'm single, pay the mortgage and all the expenses, and I STAY broke lol), then I don't want to make him feel pressured. But I have no way of knowing if there is a legitimate reason for this or if he's just enjoying the entertainment of talking to me.

sounds agonizing

Lol. IT IS!!!!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-15-2010 09:55 AM

Being the one to inniciate first communication can lead to him taking for granted that you will be in touch (not in the bad way, in the lazy way) so he may come off less interested than he is just because he doesn't feel he has to check in first, that you will when you are ready to talk etc...

Exactly. That's what I'm trying to avoid. I'm always quick to respond to him when he texts. And sometimes if I think of something funny or whatever I'll just text him out of the blue. I do initiate contact at times, and he does at times. But I back off a bit if I feel like I'm doing the one doing most of the contacting.

I think you're right, something better happen fast because I'm getting to that awkward point where it's sooo obvious we haven't even gone on a date yet that it's making me uncomfortable. Then I'm over-analyzing his every contact and it's driving me batty. HEHE.

I agree with pretzel on this one, I think you could just ask him out yourself. Maybe he's just shy.

he doesn't seem shy at all. He has talked about how much fun he thinks we'll be together, etc. And frequently mentions us going out together. I'm always very receptive to that. So whats the DEAL YO!?!? haha. There MUST be something else going on.....

GRGRGRGRRRRRRRR. Crushes are sooooo much easier from afar. lol

**sourpuss** · 09-15-2010 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Agreed. Lol. It's touchy, like I said, because I don't want to be pushy...but I'm just at this point where I want to go out with this person and see if he's someone I'm interested in continuing to talk to. Otherwise, we're just phone buddies. And what's the point in that!?

I was in a similar situation about a year ago. I finally got sick of the texting and just sent him an email saying it was time to do something about it, or stop with all the flirty texts. I accused him of just wanting me to stroke his ego and said I wasn't going to do it any longer. I think if I hadn't done that, it would have went on indefinitely. We're great friends now but I don't think we'd be friends at all had I not put my foot down. He'd probably still be sending me silly texts.

**KMonte85** · 09-15-2010 11:21 AM

I would think you could be direct with him without having to ask him outright?

"So when are you taking me on the date you promised me?" seems like a decent way to get the result you're looking for while still giving him the control of setting up the date and figuring out what you're going to be doing. It may be a little pushy, but it sounds like the guy could use a good shove.

if he says - "well, how does next Friday night work for you?" you've got what you wanted.

if he says - "idk" that might speak volumes to how serious he is about taking you on that date