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Reply With QuoteIt sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. Play the line for a while, but if you find out he isn't of legal size, that is, too immature, just throw him back (a fishing analogy).
Competing with his friends
I've been dating a guy for almost 7months. He's a great guy in so many ways and for the most part up until recently, I've been very happy with him. The issue is other people in his friend circle that don't like me. I feel like it was such an initiation with his friends and it still seems that way. Most of them are okay and I get along fine but the single, drunken idiots have a problem with me. Mostly his roommates which never makes for a good situation. I've tried to make amends and they ended up making me cry. I don't go out of my way to be rude (and believe me, there is plenty I could say!). It's like they don't care to get to know me. They just had their mind made up long ago that I'm out to ruin their friend's life and they're miserable with me. This of course puts my boyfriend in an awkward spot too which was never my intention and I hate that this is happening.
Besides arguments about his friends, we don't argue. It's weird. Him and I get along great one on one. Last night he told me he has doubts about us. I'm his first serious girlfriend which is annoying as for me but at the same time sorta cool. He is scared I know that. I haven't pressured him with marriage talk or anything like that. I like this guy a lot and think there's potential. But he has reservations because some of his "boys" don't like me. He feels like things are changing with their circle and it worries him. He has "doubts" which immediately sends sirens to me. Am I not worth being with???
Ugh, I'm confused. So, so sad today. I was really falling for this guy. It's like his friends come before me. I don't know if I need to cut my losses and break up with him or what. I am 26 years old, I'm not out to waste my time and I refuse to compete with the boys club. I want things to be peaceful but I don't want to feel like I'm not a priority.
I wish I didn't have to be at work today - I just want to go home and bawl.
It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. Play the line for a while, but if you find out he isn't of legal size, that is, too immature, just throw him back (a fishing analogy).
I agree with jns, he is putting his "boys" as what is most important in his life, the girl comes second...
I would suggest that perhaps, you are assertive, and the boys don't like that.. It means to them that you will speak, if need be, and that means there is a possibility, your boyfriend would say no to a night out, thereby ruining their pack...
Best wishes, but you know, the person whom can make his own decisions in life, is always a better person to be with than one whom follows a crowd.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I concur.Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH
Still a boy, no judgement, just a fact. Nothing wrong with that.
We all have been until we find a woman that makes us outgrow our boy-shell.
Maybe you are that woman, but he needs to realize it for his own good.
If not, then...do what is best for you.
Behold the presence of the Father in all beings...
i think his friends feel you are cutting into their "man time"..drinking time, watching sports time, etc..he may feel that it's not cool to admit around his friends that he likes you..boys can be like that until they become men
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..
Update: He sucked up big time last night. Took me out for supper and hung out with me all night.
I'm not 100% content but I do realize that I need to let him have a little more space than we have been having seperate from one another. He's working out of town for a few days and I think that will be good for us. Also, he's going hunting this weekend. And there is no way in I have any desire to crash that sausage fest.
In other news: One of his roommates finally got another girlfriend. Yay! He was nice to me back when he was with his ex. Maybe he'll cheer up again. Either way, I'm a bit on guard but not going out of my way to be confrontational. Unless it is merited of course.
Thanks for your replies everybody! This place is starting to feel kinda comfortable.
He doesn't sound really ready for a serious relationship and as long as you aren't looking for that you are fine. If that is not the case, the next time something comes up about "the boys", tell him to let you know when is ready to deal with a woman and walk. Get out with your freinds, take a class, do what interests you.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Oh I want a serious relationship. But at the same time I have been in a relationship before where I lived with somebody and things didn't work out. It was devastating and I learned my lesson. I don't want to rush anything but he is well aware that I'm not waiting around forever. I know what I want and right now, I want him. I feel comfortable with him and he is good for me. If things don't progress within a fair timeline, then yes, I'll have to cut my losses. But it has been 7 months and we are in no position to fast forward things too quickly.
It does bother me that a lot of his friends don't like me. But even he says it hasn't been anything I've done. It's just their possesiveness wanting their wingman go to guy to always be around. I just don't get it. My friends are so not that way and most of the time could probably care less.
Ditto...
If you are both in the same page, if what he wants in life right now is what you do as well, I see no problem. But the pitfall is that, women tend to fall in love and when they do, they start dreaming about the future - the happily ever after marriage, whereas the man that they have doesn't even know if he's ready or not.
Guard your heart. As long as there is no commitment (or engagement) involved, I see no reason for you to stop casually seeing other guys and explore other potentials (don't sleep with them). He doesn't have to know. If he learns about it and gets upset, well then, it's time to ask what he has to offer you...
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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Date other people? Whaat. I am not a casual person. I don't date around to play the field. Gee...maybe I'm making a way worse impression of my guy than how he really is. We aren't casual, we are serious. Just not move in OMG I LOVE U LETS HAVE BABIES NOW serious. We enjoy one another a lot. I could not date around. I'm not a 20 year old bar start. I just wouldn't feel right doing that and would NEVER date anybody who was doing that behind my back.
:/
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