Do I contact him? or wait?

**Alexandra** · 12-26-2010 04:27 PM

I don't think choosing not to text him first is "playing games". If a man is into you, he'll show it. If he's not, he won't. I see it as "traditional", not catty. That said, if he does call you or want to talk, don't rebuff him. Let him know the effort is appreciated. If he doesn't, let it go.

**Hurley** · 12-26-2010 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by Alexandra

I don't think choosing not to text him first is "playing games". If a man is into you, he'll show it. If he's not, he won't. I see it as "traditional", not catty. That said, if he does call you or want to talk, don't rebuff him. Let him know the effort is appreciated. If he doesn't, let it go.

That's a nice excuse for women to never initiate contact first with the guy they are dating or their boyfriend. Believe it or not, in most cases if a man likes a woman he'll like it if the woman shows that she likes him too and calls/texts him from time to time, Men want to feel wanted just as much as women. If you'd notice it's ONLY women who say that women should never call/text or initiate contact with a guy. I have seen countless of men say they would like it if the woman put in effort and didn't make him have to do all the work and initiate every contact.

But offcourse, it's not that you women think the men wouldn't like it if you initiated contact from time to time(because that's absurd). It's because YOU as a woman don't want to be the one who calls/texts first EVER(for whatever reason).

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-26-2010 07:23 PM

Men want to feel wanted just as much as women.

Have to say I totally agree with this...For some reason "some" and that's an important word Hurley to start using here, women think that men are closed, tough, don't need to feel wanted....It's important to text as well, to phone as well, and to compliment as well, when in a committed relationship...

If you'd notice it's ONLY women who say that women should never call/text or initiate contact with a guy.

To catch the worm, one must first, make it an interesting chase...If you were bombarded with text messages, phone calls, you'd think we are easy prey and lose interest in my 47 years "opinion"....

I have seen countless of men say they would like it if the woman put in effort and didn't make him have to do all the work and initiate every contact.

What they are saying is they "don't know" WHAT she is thinking, if she likes them or not, and so they text or phone again, and get peeved

It's because YOU as a woman don't want to be the one who calls/texts first EVER(for whatever reason).

Because, we don't want to come across as "easy"...however, let me tell you, I caught my fiancee by handing him my business card, after 2 hours discussion that was great, at an accidental meeting, and said "call me".....He did.....

You know it's also nerves....It's not easy to make that call, for either gender and so we chicken out as well sometimes preferring to reply or accept, than to inituate and then, most women feel those nerves and feel if they keep calling, or make the next move, they'll lose for the above explained reason....

We DO NOT, play games, rather, try to feel you out, after all, isn't it rude to say you'll call and then 4,5 days go by and nothing? I think so...

CW

**WildChild** · 12-26-2010 07:39 PM

Another point on the matter of women making the first approach is that, unfortunately, many men interpret this as a sexual come on and do not regard her with much respect. Of course this isn't true of all men by any means but once a woman has had this response a few times she will be become reluctant to do the initial approaching. This isn't quite like a man being told, "no thank you", when he asks a woman out because this is a reflection on her sexually. Women have had generations of being judged negatively for their sexuality and know how this can affect their lives.

I dealt with a form of this very recently. I have been encouraged by several freinds to try online to meet someone since the kind of work I do is pretty isolated, I don't get to meet many people and being a single mom reduces my getting out socially somewhat. I has started email chatting with a man and it came up that I made a response to him that I have no interest in ever marrying again but prefer a LTR. His response was. "I'm glad you are not a ". How often do you suppose a man gets a remark like that in casual just starting to get know someone interaction?

**Hurley** · 12-26-2010 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Another point on the matter of women making the first approach is that, unfortunately, many men interpret this as a sexual come on and do not regard her with much respect. Of course this isn't true of all men by any means but once a woman has had this response a few times she will be become reluctant to do the initial approaching. This isn't quite like a man being told, "no thank you", when he asks a woman out because this is a reflection on her sexually. Women have had generations of being judged negatively for their sexuality and know how this can affect their lives.

I wasn't talking about the first approach, I'm talking about just the woman initiating contact from time to time with the guy they are dating or their boyfriend. Which for many women seems to be totally unthinkable. The first approach I can understand women don't want to do... But not calling/texting a guy they are dating or boyfriend using the "If a man is into you, he'll show it" excuse is too me just ridicilous(no offence), what if men started thinking "if she wanted to talk to me, she would call me"? Would never work would it.

**WildChild** · 12-26-2010 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by Hurley

I wasn't talking about the first approach, I'm talking about just the woman initiating contact from time to time with the guy they are dating or their boyfriend. Which for many women seems to be totally unthinkable. The first approach I can understand women don't want to do... But not calling/texting a guy they are dating or boyfriend using the "If a man is into you, he'll show it" excuse is too me just ridicilous(no offence), what if men started thinking "if she wanted to talk to me, she would call me"? Would never work would it.

I agree, there needs to balance and give and take.

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