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Thread: Do I contact him? or wait?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Array fiestypunkgirl's Avatar
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    Default Do I contact him? or wait?


    So uber confused who should contact who and when?

    This is not short, but please stick with me...heres the back ground:
    About a month ago I went out to see a local band play and really hit it off with the lead singer (whom I found stunningly attractive!) at the bar after their set. We hung out till closing time and exchanged #'s at the end of the night. But didnt hear from him so I texted him about a week later and asked if they had any shows comming up. He told me the dates, said he really enjoyed hanging out and hoped to see me again soon.

    I missed one of them (mostly on purpose so as to not look like a desperate "groupie") but texted him before the next to let him know I'd be there, he called me and sounded pretty stoked & wanted to hang out before their set.
    We met up, had a beer, they played, all the while he kept glancing over at me and shooting smiles (LOL oh can I just mention we're not talking about jazzy-romantic Jason Mraz music here, its hard core punk, so kinda sounds like an oxymoron LOL!!). Anyway after they're done he stuck beside me the whole time. I didnt see him give even a passing glance at any other chick. Not once. Then his friends wanted to leave, so we met up with them (his request) about an hour later at a different place.
    Again, we were inseperable the entire time, the cold night helped as we kinda held onto each other to keep warm
    Anyway, so we got into some really deep conversation on the way home in the taxi. He seems very genuine, so not the "rockstar" stereotype (I can sense that S**it from a mile away, mama didnt raise no fool!! LOL!!). He told me he works ALOT. He said he is at ease and does well in large crowds, not so well one-on-one.

    The night ended with a nice smooch and him telling me he's really into me and wants to hang out more...and not just at his shows.
    But I didnt hear back from him...? That was Saturday, so Sunday night I texted simple: had a great time, etc.; he sends back, 'me too i wanna hang out again sometime when i'm not so trashed' Really?! So jokingly, I text back 'I hope you still like me as much with no alcohol'. he says: 'well, I'm sure I'm sober now, and I'm texting you, so yeah.' (let it be known: I'm insecure; i do my best to hide it and do that pretty well, but its still there)

    No matter what I do, I CANNOT get this guy off my mind. I'm so into him, its almost rediculous!
    Havent heard from him since, that was MONDAY. This is FRIDAY. What gives?

    So I'm kindof like...do I wait for him to take the initiave now to get in touch with me? Because, really, I've done it each time now. Or do i chock it up to him being reserved when it comes to personal relations and go for it?
    I dont want to seem desperate (or take away the "chase" factor!); but I also dont want him to think I'm not interested.

    please help: be patient? or take initiative?

  2. #2
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    I'd text him back but as quick as you get him online tell him something came up and you have to run, give him a time to call or text you back and see if he does..

  3. #3
    jns
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    Triple Diamond Member (3,000+ posts & member 3 years+) Array jns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fiestypunkgirl View Post
    He said he is at ease and does well in large crowds, not so well one-on-one.
    It could be that he has never been dating very much and is unsure of himself. You may have to initiate to start things off, but pass off the lead to him so he can become used to initiating. He may not be used to conversing with a girl and may not know he has to keep the communications going. A lot of punk rockers are shy behind their public personas.

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    I dunno. I don't buy that he is too naive to know that if you like a girl, you need to keep in contact. He probably just has a lot going on and will get back in touch with you when you're on his mind again. Right now you two are just casually connecting, and everything does not have to be certain from the beginning. Sometimes people connect occasionally for a while until they decide to see each other on a regular basis. You've done enough initiation so the ball is in his court. He knows you're feeling him so I'd let him make the next move.

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    If it were ME, I'd cease contact and let him make an effort. If you're "out of sight out of mind" to him, then obviously that's not what you want because he's definitely not "out of sight out of mind" to you. He has your number.

    If the only time he wants to hang with you is when YOU make the effort to show up at one of his performances, is that really what you want?

    Let him make an effort. Because right now he's not having to make one at all.

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    Pau
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    I would let him contact you. Maybe he's also trying to test you if you are easy.

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    I know this thread has been inactive for a while but I just wanted to comment as a guy myself, it's not very attractive when women plays games. Like some of the pople here have suggested.

    Women always suggest to other women that they should play hard to get, let him make all the effort, let him initiate and so on. I'm a guy and I disagree and I have seen alot of men also disagree, I have never actually seen a man say the woman should play games and let him initiate everything and put in all the effort. It's what we men have to do anyway though so I suppose it's not gonna change, but it would be nice if women atleast sometimes did not play games and initiated contact and put in effort herself. The man shouldn't have to do all the work, I know it's comfortable for you women when the man does it but it's not very fun for the man. Men like to feel wanted too...

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    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hurley View Post
    I know this thread has been inactive for a while but I just wanted to comment as a guy myself, it's not very attractive when women plays games. Like some of the pople here have suggested.

    Women always suggest to other women that they should play hard to get, let him make all the effort, let him initiate and so on. I'm a guy and I disagree and I have seen alot of men also disagree, I have never actually seen a man say the woman should play games and let him initiate everything and put in all the effort. It's what we men have to do anyway though so I suppose it's not gonna change, but it would be nice if women atleast sometimes did not play games and initiated contact and put in effort herself. The man shouldn't have to do all the work, I know it's comfortable for you women when the man does it but it's not very fun for the man. Men like to feel wanted too...
    I'm not a game player, never have been... I'm so direct, and if i want to talk to my boyfriend I call him, always have. But as much as you hear men say they 'hate games' good gracious do they seem to fall head over heals for them.

    The whole hunter gatherer non-sense and some of them constantly needing to feel like they are winning some prize. It seems when they have a woman that is into them, its less appealing than some woman who won't give them the time of day. Then they get mad and hurt feelings that some girl is playing them... when they were the ones so heck bent on chasing the game playing women.

    It seems a lot of men are only interested and intrigued by women that want nothing to do with them, that is why some girls play the games they do... because they know if they show a guy they care too soon, or if they show him they are into him too soon he'll feel all 'pressured', etc...
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    Mr. Hurley, here's exactly what I was talking about in your response to my thread. You're only seeing part of the equation here because that's what you want to see. You have a belief that things are a certain way, and so you look for little tidbits here and there to reinforce your belief. If one person is making the effort and getting nothing in return I will time and time again advise them to back off, and to let the other person (whether male or female) make an effort. If you had read what the OP wrote, you'd have seen that SHE was the one initiating ALL the contact with this guy. She was the one initiating the texts, she was the one going to his performances so she could hang out with him, etc. The only time she heard anything from him is when she initiated the contact. I would advise ANYONE in this situation to back off and see if the other person has any interest in them or not. If someone isn't reciprocating with any effort, it would be foolish to continue making the effort.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



  10. #10
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hurley View Post
    I know this thread has been inactive for a while but I just wanted to comment as a guy myself, it's not very attractive when women plays games. Like some of the pople here have suggested.

    Women always suggest to other women that they should play hard to get, let him make all the effort, let him initiate and so on. I'm a guy and I disagree and I have seen alot of men also disagree, I have never actually seen a man say the woman should play games and let him initiate everything and put in all the effort. It's what we men have to do anyway though so I suppose it's not gonna change, but it would be nice if women atleast sometimes did not play games and initiated contact and put in effort herself. The man shouldn't have to do all the work, I know it's comfortable for you women when the man does it but it's not very fun for the man. Men like to feel wanted too...
    What do you suggest a woman do to make a man feel wanted?
    How do you think she can keep his interest without playing "games"?
    What is an effective way for her to initiate contact and move a relationship forward without being treated like a ho?
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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