My mom and sister doesn't want to accept my boyfriend. HELP!

**Nicolette** · 10-26-2010 12:41 AM

So I've fallen for the guy that my whole family dislikes. They say age is nothing but a number but in my case, it's more than just a number. I'm 18 years old. And going on my second year of college. I've fallen inlove with my favorite person in the world. My parents and sister can't accept that I'm dating him because of his age. He's 26 years old. But to my mom, he's 30. My life has been twisted and turned upside down because of him. And yes there has been a lot of drama. Especially with my sister. My family judged him by his past and rumors they've heard. They all assumed he was bad influence on me. They didn't even give him a chance to prove himself. His past seems to follow him. Especially with my family.

They told me to stay away from him. And so I did. I didn't want to hurt my family and disobey them. I just wanted all the drama and stress to be over. But then I realized that ending things with him doesn't solve anything. He makes me feel like I won the lottery every time I see him. I loved him way too much to just let him go like that. So i've been living a second life, hiding him from my family. Which by the way is the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. It's been 7 months and my love for him has been stronger day by day. But I'm done hiding. I want my family to see how I've matured. I want them to see that I am actually happy. And that I've found someone who makes me happy. Even if we don't get to see each other due to circumstances.

My biggest concern is my sister. She is 23 years old. We used to be best friends. But ever since she met my boyfriend, we became enemies. She felt like I chose him over my family. I understand she just tried to protect me, but she didn't see how happy I was with him. Her pride is just way too high. I miss her. And I want things to be like they used to.

I want to admit that I tried to let go of him just for their satisfaction but I couldn't. Not even distance can separate us. I just want them to accept that I've grown. And I'm still with him for a reason. Because he is a good person. I'm done living the life of Romeo and Juliet.

What do I do? Who should I approach first? My sister or mom?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-26-2010 04:02 AM

Even if we don't get to see each other due to circumstance

If you can, please explain this first.....

How often do you see him, do you go out, . Your 18 off course this is difficult for you, your family worry that he's older may think your sexually inactive if not for him and that he's using you, it's normal, same as your sister...

Let's get a better background of you two and how you see each other before we can reply I think...

CW

**WildChild** · 10-26-2010 10:23 AM

What is this past that follows him?

**KMonte85** · 10-26-2010 10:30 AM

Seems like your family is more concerned with his past than they are with his age (at least that's what I gather from your post)...

It is very VERY difficult to get someone to change their poor opinion of another person unless that other person is able to prove themselves... Your best bet is for your boyfriend to show that he is not the person that they think he is...

What is it that your bf did that they hate so much? This is the key to getting them to accept him.. but you must acknowledge that even those who turn over a new leaf are not always given second chances, especially when the hurt they caused previously cut deep.

**rcoreyus** · 10-26-2010 04:20 PM

18 to 26 is a big age gap. Its not crazy, but it is big enough to think about seriously: most 26 year old's would not be comfortable dating a 18 year old. As others have asked, what is their objection to his "past"?

**Nicolette** · 10-26-2010 11:36 PM

We see each other like 2 or 3 times a week. We used to see each other and hang out before all the drama happened.

**Nicolette** · 10-26-2010 11:37 PM

My parents have heard rumors that he used to be a dealer and all that.

**Nicolette** · 10-26-2010 11:40 PM

It's all the rumors they hear. My mom said that not even one person said anything good about him. But I think she just said that. To make it seem that he really is a bad person. He hasn't even done anything to them. Or anything to hurt me. I want to approach my sister but she's being so immature and avoiding me.

**Nicolette** · 10-26-2010 11:46 PM

When I met him, I honestly thought he was 22 or 23. But when he told me his real age, I was like.. Oh wow, i would never date someone 8 years older than me. That's just too far apart. But then when we started hanging out as a group, we just clicked. Like it just happened. And his age didn't even matter to me. It was just in the moment.

His past was pretty much about dirty money. This was a long time ago. But my parents think he's still a dealer. And I know he's not.

**Lunar Keiki** · 10-27-2010 01:42 AM

He is 26. So, some basic questions.....does he have a job? If yes, what does he do? Did he go to college? He has his own place to live? What kind of relationship does he have with his parents? You say you hang around with him in a group.....how did you meet? What are these other people like...are they your friends or his? How do your friends feel about him?

What if you ask your mom if you could bring him over for dinner? What if you start just hanging out at the house for a while so your parents can get to know him? How do your parents and sister know about his past? Small town? I think if you are serious about him, you need to stop hiding and bring him to the house maybe a little at a time so that if he is the changed person you say he is, they will see it.

I think it is normal for your family to be protective of you. And what they have heard or said will always be in the back of your head. But if you really want to see him and keep peace with your family, the only way would be for them to get to know him and for you to talk to them about giving him a chance for themselves instead of judging him on gossip, rumors or history.