Is it OK to date if your not over someone?

**AnastasiaRose** · 10-30-2010 01:12 PM

I took the breakup with my ex REALLY bad it was my 2nd. I didn't date for years becuase I was shy/scared of getting hurt/scared of inexpierence etc. I got attached and it's hard to let go, I know he cheated on me and left me for her but their over now. It's been 7 months and i'm still not over him and I really want to be over him and be able to "date" but I don't feel it's fair to the other person WDYT? if I did would it help me get over my ex? or do you have any tips on getting over someone?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-30-2010 03:33 PM

Anastasia, we're talking "dating" and in my opinion that is exactly the best thing for you to do, date... It will allow you to see the difference in men, verses the man you were with, the cheater, some will make you laugh, each time you date, you have to dress up and that always makes us feel good doesn't it?

Your not talking about going to the next step, relationship.. That will happen naturally if one of the guys you date, makes you laugh, makes you feel good, makes you feel chemistry, etc, you'll then know and you can give it a go, and you can tell the guy, your not ready for a relationship if he likes you enough, he'll keep dating and wait...

As for why your not over your ex?

"Second break up", "in-experience, scared of getting hurt"... In my opinion you feel it's your fault he cheated and your frightened that if you get into another relationship, that guy will cheat as well and you will get hurt again and have to go through all of this again, the 7 months of pining.

NO you don't

Not being ready yet, dating only and finally finding someone who was prepared to wait and likes you for you, the real you, inside, means you have found someone whom likes you..for you.. Chances of them cheating is rare...

Perhaps you picked a guy that has no morals, that goes with the flow, perhaps your self esteme is a little low and you aren't taking charge of your life, what you want, the type of male you want for you and just accepting...

Take time out to smell the roses, get your hair done, buy a top, look in the mirror and say yeah, it wasn't my fault he was the wrong person, a cheater, I deserve so much better and I know what I want.... and get out there and date again.

CW

**WildChild** · 10-30-2010 04:06 PM

I'm doing it. I'm not over my last relationship, not by a long shot but I know I have to move foreward. The man I'm seeing is in very much the same situation, we have discussed it openly and freely and occasionally talk about where we each are now and how we are feeling.

There are still painful moments but I am feeling more balanced and starting to feel happier. It can take a long time but I think having someone to connect with sexually and to do things with does help. Just be careful not to get into a situation where they will be in deeper than you are willing to go.

**kristalyn_04** · 10-30-2010 04:29 PM

I'm doing it as well. I have been trying to get over someone for several months (since earlier this year). I wasn't in a relationship with this person, just a very close friend that I fell for, and I am still very much in love with. But it's getting easier as time goes on, and now I'm casually seeing someone and having some great sex. I'm not in a relationship now and I'm not ready for one yet, just having some much overdue fun. Consider that, see what happens. Might help keep your mind off the ex & help you move on.

**AnastasiaRose** · 10-31-2010 01:03 PM

Yea, I kinda wish i did it sooner but as I didn't have much dating expierence and i wanted to be over my ex before I started dating again. Unforcenatly, the heart heals at a slow pace even though he was a douchebag to me and I really want to be happy again - I think enough time has passed that I should see someone top help me get over him. I do agree I think its good to date to see what different men are out there and what ones I like, and if I feel a special connection with one in particular I will take it to the next level...

thanks for the advice

**Little_Miss_Me** · 11-01-2010 12:24 PM

While I think there is some fabulous advice here, a recent experience changed my mind a bit.

Take what you want from the story.

I have always jumped from relationship to relationship. I was never "in love" with people, even though some of the relationships lasted longer than two years. For the first time, I fell in love. Got dumped, and being me, I immediately starting dating.

I was overly picky. I expected too much. I wasn't being realistic at all. And I took it out on everyone I went on a date with. And now, there's one sweet heart of a guy in particular, that is head over heels for me, but I feel absolutely -nothing- for him.

If you think you need more time, perhaps you do.

But if you're ready to go out there, then you need to at least give it a try.

**caterpillar79** · 11-01-2010 05:00 PM

I did it, too - most of you guys know from my blog. I treated each date I went as my free therapy - I'm sorry, guys, that was me on survival mode. Believe me, it helped. I did what some counselors call Circular Dating. I posted a profile on Match and just waited for men to pour in their emails and winks. The numerous suitors and doing various meaningful activities (out -of-the-bedroom) helped me realize that I could have a life if I so choose. Though there were moments and even seconds or minutes on and off of crying bouts, in most part, I felt alright.

(I don't advise you to sleep with the guy/s you date until you are truly ready, you'll probably regret it if you do it too soon. )

I found a new bestfriend in one of them and he was very caring. And like Little_Miss_Me, I was in no way interested to be with him in the long term, but it was difficult to break the truth. It's good to be upfront once you've established the trust and friendship between you.

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-01-2010 05:04 PM

I think I definitely need to start dating it'll help show me whats out there and help me move on from my ex. It's been 7 months and im still not over him and I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon.

**caterpillar79** · 11-01-2010 05:05 PM

Just get out there and take it slow. How are you coping? Are you keeping yourself busy?

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-01-2010 08:31 PM

I could be better, I fell really hard for him and put too much effort into working it out and it didn't. I think if i had more exp dating it would be easier on me. I'm in my third year of university/working i try to keep myself busy but I can't 24/7 so there are times its hard for me and he always comes to my mind.

I will stay away from guys like him to avoid this, I have learned not to get too attached, to be upfront, not to be shy.

1 month ago he asked my permission to date my bff who hates him which turned into a drama episode, then last week on my fake acct he figured out it was me and asked me to come over. I didn't becuase i havent slept with anyone since but one day we'll stop being angry with one another and i'll give him a rematch when im better. He moved to a different province last thursday.