Am I Unapproachable?
So here's the deal;
There's this guy in my class that I'm drooling over, but I am the absolute worst when it comes to talking, much less flirting with guys. I feel as if I go into this "stone mode" as I call it, where I'm just numb when they come around - I can't smile, I can't make eye contact, I can't help acting like they're not there and I want to push that habit away.
I don't want to let this boy in specific get away - I've really fallen head over heels for him despite how much I'm unable to show it. I have a few friends that are trying to help me, but I can't seem to come up with the courage.
I personally, think I'm a decent looking girl - nothing too flashy, but I get looks every now and again. I'm extremely generous and bubbly once I get to know people, it's just the meeting people part that I'm having issues with.
If there's any women that have or have had my problem, give me some tips or at least share your experience. I feel so alone and drained from trying to force effort that doesn't show - assistance, please?
I'm just like you, so I know how you feel. The best advice I can offer is to smile a lot and be friendly with the people in your class that you do feel comfortable with. He will see that you're not this stone after all. The more you do that, the more comfortable you'll be around them and the easier it will be to shoot a smile over at him and say hello.
I had this problem too, especially around guys I had crushes on. Chances were if you were a guy and I suddenly stopped talking to you, stopped even acknowledging your presence, it meant I liked you.Backwards, eh?
I think one way to gradually change this is to be more and more social with the people you ARE comfortable with, just like sourpuss said. Make new friends, go out to parties, talk to guys who you feel you WON'T be attracted to, which is all very good practice for talking to your crush.
The other thing is, keep in mind that once you do start talking to your crush, you might realize that he's really not all you've imagined him to be. Which in a way is comforting. It's tough to talk to anyone who's hanging out up on a pedestal, right? So bring him down more to ground level and some of the pressure should dissipate.
Shyness can be mistaken for disinterest very easily... but as I've recently learned shyness can also be mistaken for interest *shrug* -- anyways!! if you are shy and polite guys can sense the shyness to it and still feel hope and possibility if you are shy and cold.... the shyness will be less noticible and will just seem like you are stuck up or tottally not in the mood for them.
Most guys look for some sort of sign of life before their approach... rejection is not fun for anyone so they reduce the risk generally by not approaching girls that don't make the smallest of smiles or eye contact towards them.
Its okay to be shy, its okay to get nervous, its okay to blush and turn away... not all women are seductive vixens, and not all men want that. Just try to be sure to at least make a tiny second of eye contact, and to flash a smile, even if its a nervous one.
If you avoid eye contact, if a guy smiles at you and you turn your head with no smile back thats a non-verbal rejection and it would take a bold man to approach you after that. But if you look for even just a second, smile just a moment, and if you have to look away due to your nerves, do it... but at least you have shown that there isn't a layer of ice encasing you.
If the guy you are interested in is also shy , you might both have a real missed opportunity. I'd suggest finding a way to exchange emails or facebooks right away since sometimes it is easier for a shy person to get to know someone that way, to break the ice and let their personality shine without all the akward silences and nerves getting in the way of that.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Thank you everyone for the advice =) It's just so much easier said than done! But I like the idea of flirting and practicing with guys that I'm not as attracted to first - I'll start doing that. And I'm so glad I'm not the only one with this problem. It just seems like everyone has more guts than I do! So frustrating! Anywho, I'll take the first few steps, since that's all I can do at this point and go from there! Thanks again, everybody!
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