Thread: Want my relationship to work, I feel I'm going to the cause of us breaking up.

Originally Posted by belleisangelic

we get into frustrations alot..not necessarily arguments..he would just say something and I would get defensive and sometimes say mean things.

I try and explain to him that I'm very depressed and stressed out, but it always ends with me lashing out at him in some way. My mother is the same way to me..she's very hurtful with her words and sometimes becomes physical when things get too stressful for her..this makes it very hard to live at home.


I've become more defensive when he says things to me....and it causes him to get very frustrated with uttering any word to me.

this makes me very sad, because he is a great source of comfort,fun and relaxation for me. I can talk to him about anything and he accepts me as I am....he just gets very annoyed with the bad things like my low self-esteem and occasional depressive states.

This might sound bad, but reading this I feel like you're pushing your boyfriend away. Sure, a guy should understand that we may not always be in a great mood, but dealing with someone who is a bit cranky is different than being verbally attacked. You mentioned in your post that you say hurtful things to him during your 'frustrations' and 'depressed periods' and 'moments of insecurity'. Perhaps these moments are happening more and more often?

Eventually, at least for me, I would get sick of being an emotional whipping post every time my sig other was feeling bad about himself. I wouldn't want to be lashed out at for saying something that he wasn't in complete agreement. I would probably quit talking to him too, as your bf has done to you a few times. It's one way to assure that something he says will not result in being yelled at or told hurtful comments. The fact that the things said are ADMITTEDLY meant to be hurtful is a bad sign. Being depressed is an excuse, NOT a justification, for treating someone else poorly, even if it isn't all the time.

I'm sorry to be a bit harsh, but it is not his job to quietly sit there and take your verbal beating because you're having a bad, depressing day. It is one thing if you're crabby once in a while, we've all beenm there and he should accept that. I'm sure he's not shooting rays of sunshine out his bum every second of every day either. But if your hurtful comments are becoming more and more common place and are causing the trouble in your relationship, then it will fall on YOU to decide that you will stop, that you will come up with more constructive ways to work through your frustration, and that you will treat him the way you would expect and want him to treat you.