My Boyfriend broke up with me..

**chalkgirl** · 11-14-2010 03:45 PM

and it was the hardest blow I've even taken in my entire life.

It sounds pathetic, but I've liked him for as long as I can remember.
I met him about 10 years ago, and 2 years after that he moved away. Whenever I thought about him I got so upset because I felt such a strong connection to him, and then about 3 years later he moved back. I'd had other boyfriends during the time that he'd moved back and it sounds cruel, but I would have dropped any of them in an instant if he had shown a clear sign of interest.

This year, 9th year of knowing him he starting speaking to me the day after me and my old boyfriend split up, we were talking for a couple of months before anything actually kicked off, and we started going out with each other which was during our summer holidays of our last year at school

About three months into our relationship we started our first year at sixth form together which I was so excited about because it meant I got to see him everyday, but that soon proved to be a problem.

We got some new people at our sixth form from a different school and they all seemed very nice except from I started to noticed this one girl hanging around my boyfriend a lot. I got annoyed, not specifically at him because I knew it wasn't his fault and I thought she possibly didn't even mean anything by it, but it seemed to me that he wanted to spend more of his free time with her than with me, even just studying with her instead of me. A couple of weeks passed and the situation got worse, inside my head, not in reality.

I suspected this new girl liked my boyfriend, and she wanted him even though she knew I was with him. I told him about what I thought and he shrugged it off, said it was nothing but that didn't clear the thoughts in my mind and looking back on it now, it set a barrier between us.

So everything carried on how it was, until one day after sixth form when he walked right past me and didn't even say bye. I could feel it in my bones that it would be that night that it would happen. He did it over facebook and that didn't cushion the blow any more than it being face-to-face, although I would have hated for him to see me cry. I cried for 5 hours straight, was sick twice, was on the phone to two of my friends for a total of about 2 and a half hours and sat on skype wailing for about another hour.
When he broke up with me he mentioned this girl, he said he thought it wasn't fair that I said I didn't like her and that it 'must be horrible for her thinking I have no friends' however:

I never said I didn't like her
She does have friends, I even slightly befriended her during this time
I never made my feelings toward the situation apparent to her, neither did any of my friends

The fact that he mentioned her makes me think it was something to do with her?

So here's the current sitch:
2 months later and I am still madly in almost-love with him. My best friend is currently dating my best friend and they have spoken to him about me, asking if he still likes me. He said he doesn't know, but he doesn't think he's cut out to be a boyfriend, he doesn't know how to be in a relationship..

The question I'm trying to ask here is how do I show him that the only way I want him to be in a relationship, is his way? I want him to know that it's okay for him not to know how to be because I could show him, that's what relationships are all about aren't they? Learning and loving and bonding.

I don't think I can go on seeing him everyday of the week, I am so depressed at the moment, it's the lowest point of my whole life.

Please help me, I don't know what to do, every time I think about it I just burst out into uncontrollable tears and almost drown in my own mucus...

I apologise for the length of my waffley post, please reply :/

**lizzardb63** · 11-14-2010 05:33 PM

You should not try convince him to be with you, because if he truly doesn't want to be with you, he'll only break your heart again. As I say to all of my friends that end a relationship, cut all ties. I have been in your shoes. If you really want to get over him (Which I know you don't, but perhaps it would be best?) then you need to stop seeing and talking to him. For a while at least, until your heart heals enough to where you can tolerate talking to him without being sad. If there is any way that you can rearrange your schedule so you see him less, it would probably make things a lot easier.

Besides all that- the whole excuse of not knowing how to be a boyfriend is . That was just an easy out to flip it around so he doesn't look like a bad guy, but instead just pointing out a fault.

**BasketCase** · 11-15-2010 01:36 AM

Have you considered that he's just not that into you? I know that sounds harsh but the reasons for him breaking up with you seem a little petty. Every girls gets a little jealous at times. But as long as you didn't harp at him day and night about it then I don't really see the problem. The way you put it, you didn't flip out on him or nag him about it. If that's the case then why split up with you for it? Unless he indeed had feelings for this other girl or if he was already looking for an excuse to be away from you. Perhaps he really wasn't ready for the type of commitment you were.

The fact that he split up with you through FB indicates one of two things. Either he didn't take the relationship seriously enough that a face to face breakup seemed neccesary. Or he wasn't brave/mature enough to break it off in a dignified way. Both of which indicate that you were more serious about the relationship than he was. But that was probably because you already had feelings for him for years. Maybe because of that, you came on a bit strong.

If they (ex and random girl) are not currently dating then she probably wasn't out to get him in the first place. In my experience some girls just flirt with guys because they can. Or like the attention. With no intention to date them. Maybe she was just that sort of girl and it reminded him of all the things he was "missing" being a single guy.

I really don't know enough about the situation to say that this is the case or not. I am just trying to give you a different perspective. I know what it's like to have feelings for someone and them not really feel the same way. We tend to blame ourselves. "I'm not pretty enough or I'm not good enough" But most of the time it's not that at all. Maybe he didn't feel a deep enough connection and that caused him to doubt or seek attention elsewhere.

But no matter what the situation is, you have to move on. All of the time you spend crying and being upset is time wasted. Because that Mr. Right could be waiting around the corner and you might be to tear eyed to see him. Besides a 10 year crush is much longer than most marriages. Moving on could be a really great thing for you. If this guy doesn't want you, his loss. Anyone with that much love and dedication in there heart deserves better.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-15-2010 04:46 AM

Try to think of your situation, as difficult as that is right now, like the dog that got away.

If you continue to chase the dog and he sees you, he willthink it's a game and keep running from you. If you turn away from him and he knows this, he may turn back and return home. We won't know until we try and we won't try until we're ready. So think about it.

If this relationship was meant to be, set him free, let him be and focus on yourself right now. If it was meant to be, he will return. If not, then he won't but at least you will have spent the time focusing on yourself by healing and not wiating for him to return.

It is much easier said then done. I know, I've been there.