How can I stop thinking sexist thoughts?

**secret0524** · 11-19-2010 12:00 AM

Today, I was studying at the library and then suddenly some man who looks around mid 20s to early 30s asked me if I had seen him before. I said maybe I might have seen him if he comes here frequently because I go to the library very often. Then later he asked if I was into guys then i said uhhh sure (well i am straight but I currently wasn't looking) then he asked me my age and i said my age (im a teenager). Then he asked me if i was looking for a boyfriend and asked me for my number and i was like um.... I'm not allowed to date, then he left. Since then, I suddenly felt so disgusted towards men. Do older men hit on younger women like this? This is ridiculous. Are mens hedonists? These kinds of thoughts, i don't know why, kept coming to my head. I'm tired of creeps trying to flirt with me in that way and I wish to be left alone. After all he's so far the second considerably older guy who asked if it was okay for me to date the guy... How can i get rid of these thoughts? I feel like im going insane. Am i making a big deal out of this? Please help me someone.

**KMonte85** · 11-19-2010 06:41 AM

Ick, when I was a young teen I would get hit on by older guys a lot too... always creeped me out! I understand your feelings because I hated it too. You're not doing anything to attract these guys, and even if you look older than you are, the fact that they learn your age and still push to date you is shows their character.

But you have to stop letting it affect you to the point that you're lumping all guys in the creeper category! Maybe you should think of it this way... In your daily life, think of how many instances you're in the presence of men. About 50% of the population is male, so as you're out and about you're constantly near men. The library, for example - I'm sure there was more than just that one guy there. And of all the men you're in the presence of, probably hundreds over the course of a few days or a week, only 2 have made an unwanted pass at you. That's a pretty small number considering, right?

There are always going to be guys out there that want to pursue a young woman such as yourself, if they're not in an age range you're comfortable with, you can just deflect them... if you're in a public space, I would actually suggest you get a bit catty. A man in his 30's asking if you're looking for a boyfriend deserves a response somewhere along the lines of "Sure, but I'd prefer one without the grey hair and mid-life crisis..."

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-19-2010 08:24 AM

What you've just described........is a Creeper. Let me share with you a definition of this word as shared on urban dictionary (lol): Creeper: Older men who hang out in college clubs and bars and stare at girls half their age and occasionally make obscene gestures and comments.
Look at that creeper over in the corner staring at you. He is wearing gold chains and his shirt is unbuttoned to show off his chest hair. gross.

Are all men creepers? Absolutely not.
Are some of them? Ohhhh yes.
How can you tell the difference? Well....the ones that make your skin crawl....they're most likely Creepers.

Will you be approached or asked out by a Creeper again? Yes...most definitely....for at least the next 20-40 years of your life. Now's the time to learn how to take it with a grain of salt, and move on.

Look at it this way...some women are gold diggers. They watch for men that they think are affluent or may have nice things/money. They scope them out and approach them in efforts to seduce them so they can reap the benefits of his money. Does this mean that all women are gold diggers, or that all women who approach a nice looking man must be gold diggers? Nope. Some guys will approach you because they think you're beautiful, interesting, etc....and there's nothing wrong with that. Take that as a compliment. And when a Creeper sneaks in there now and then and tries to hit on you.....say "No thanks, not interested" and move on.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-19-2010 01:04 PM

Yeah, creeper, predator... that guy was up to no good. They have laws in place that convicted pedophiles aren't even allowed in public libraries except for certain times/days. But those not yet convicted... its like their version of a nightclub, shopping malls, playgrounds, public libraries etc... where kids /teens are likely to be hanging out independently. Please do yourself and all other young girls a favor by going up to the librarian next time and discreetly (even write her a note if you think he may hear you) and let them know a man has asked you out /is making you uncomfortable so that they could at the least watch him, or possibly even ask him to go and not return.

If you EVER... get asked out by some creepy old man, or any man or boy that makes you uncomfortable... if you EVER spot someone leering at you from a distance... do not leave by yourself. Even if they have left before you. If you get any weird intuitions, its no harm to call your folks and ask for a ride or to be escorted to your car by someone working at the place your at if you drove yourself.

You shouldnt live in 'fear' but you should live... aware and vigilant against any possible dangers. Do not let that make you think all men are bad. There are more good men than bad. There are men that are just as disgusted as you by that guy hitting on you like that. Men that are Men, protectors, providers. There will always be devient, sexually immature, or psychologically damaged men that will do or attempt to do harm... but don't let that make you think all men/boys are pigs.

Just pay attention to your surroundings, don't be afraid to repeat what someones said LOUDLY... that will usually scare them off straight away. If a man comes up and says "do you like boys"... you can give a strange face and say LOUDLY " DO I LIKE BOYS?? WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME IF I LIKE BOYS?" those kinds of creeps prey on the naive... and are hoping against hope you won't make a scene... so make a scene, don't protect them from appearing like a weirdo... make sure they look like a weirdo if they are being a weirdo -- maybe it will discourage them from approuching someone esle in the future :P

Listen to your gut, if you feel someone is looking at you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, be sure to not be alone... go and find someone a worker or something to stand by.

I know that it may sound like overreacting, but when your tummy gets that sign that something is off... you listen to it.

**softmaria88** · 11-20-2010 06:53 AM

i will give u short answer ...

when this sort of though attack on your mind......just focus on other thing....like natural thing ,,,,

**rcoreyus** · 11-20-2010 11:35 AM

It can be very difficult to guess a woman's age - so many try to dress to look 20, whether they are 13, or 40, so I don't blame him for talking to you initially. Once you told him your age though, he should have backed off immediately - that is what any normal man would have done.

Once about 2 years ago a ran into what I though was a college age woman and we talked a bit. Absolutely nothing improper (I'm married), but I remember thinking that she was rather cute. Later I found out she was a fairly young teenager. To this day I cringe at the thought that I was attracted to her. I think that is the normal reaction for a man who finds he was attracted to someone inappropriate.

There are creeps out there - but most men are not that way .

**Awoman2** · 11-21-2010 04:43 PM

Most of these men are just predators.

I have a 19-year-old daughter who constantly complains about older men hitting on her and telling her things like 'she should leave her same-aged boyfriend" for them. It's disgusting that some men are just looking for the opportunity to find someone whom they can manipulate. My daughter doesn't even look like she's 19.

What bothers me is not their age, but the 'creepy' way in which they approach these young women. Their intentions are purely dishonourable.

**Awoman2** · 11-21-2010 04:45 PM

Most of these men are just predators.

I have a 19-year-old daughter who constantly complains about older men hitting on her and telling her things like 'she should leave her same-aged boyfriend" for them. It's disgusting that some men are just looking for the opportunity to find someone whom they can manipulate. My daughter doesn't even look like she's 19.

What bothers me is not their age, but the 'creepy' way in which they approach these young women. Their intentions are purely dishonourable.