What Should I Do?
When my boyfriend and I started dating things were great. But since then I have found text messages of him flirt with other girls, he has spent over $1000 on my credit card with out my knowledge or permission, and he has taken my car with out my permission. I have forgiven him for each of these things, but lately we have been fighting. I looked in him phone again and found a message saying he wanted to see the girl he has flirted with in the past, but that he cannot because I snoop. I confronted him and he got upset because I looked in his phone, which I agree was wrong of me. But now we have been sleeping in separate locations, one of us on the couch. He slept in the bed with me two nights ago, but then last night when I asked if he wanted to cuddle and sleep in the same bed he said that he just can't sleep in the same bed as me. I take up too much space.
I have brough up the idea of us getting a bigger bed before but he just shot that idea down, saying it was too expensive.
After our most recent fight he told me that he was going spend thanksgiving with his mom and that thanksgiving was for family and that he sees me everyday.
I have depression and I feel guilty because when the relationship started I was in a stable place, now my medicine is off and I am just emotionally raw.
I love him and I want to be with him but things need to change.
WHY are you with him?
WHY did you "forgive" his unauthorized use of your credit card? Or stealing your car?
Those are crimes. Depending on the value of your car it could be grand theft, a federal offence.
What is there to love about him?
Sounds like a total jerk! And a user to boot.
That's what you should do, give him the boot - right out the door.
What you need is a screwdriver to change the locks, I'll be happy to explain how you do that - it's easy!
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Well, things needing to change is really an understatement.
Just based on what was written so far, your bf has essentially stolen $1,000 from you (credit card plus interest), taken your car without permission, and has decided that you're not important enough for you to be involved with his family on special occaisions.
Add to that, he's covertly trying to meet someone else, has decided that the intimate part of your relationship is only at his whim and won't entertain another alternative to help to find a more common ground.
You've stopped taking your anti-depressants (and I would venture to say he encouraged that) and are now starting to suffer the consequences of that decision.
I guess my question for you is whether or not you're wishing for something that would ultimately cause you more heartache, anxiety and frustrations?
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
I don't know what I want. I dont want heartache I want love and I want to be cared about. I don't know why I am still with him except I guess I just don't want another failed relationship. I just am lost and hurt and disappointed.
I don't know what can be salvaged, if anything in this relationship.
I feel broken, and the depression is setting in, I am on the verge of a panic attack at work because of all this.
Right now, I think you should take a step back and get your own mental well being taken care first and foremost.
Once you can start thinking clearly again, then your decision making ability may be better.
Right now, I'm not sure you're in the best state of mind to make the best decisions for you.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
the hardest part of this is that we live together. I and we have 10 months left on this lease.
I don't think I can afford things on my own.
The lease can be dealt with.
Your well being needs to take precedence,
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
You could find another roommate.
If he's spending your credit, what is his financial situation like?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
He just got a job about a week ago. he said he planned on paying me back. We shall see if that happens.
He's living with you and flirting/texting with other women? Not only that, but stating that he wants to see one of them. Hello?
Where I come from, we call that CHEATING!
You are basing your value on the cost of a lease? Whose name(s) are on the lease? Is that all your worth? A few hundred bucks a month?
WC is right....show this guy the door and ask your apartment maintanence guy to change the locks the day BEFORE he moves out.
DO NOT SETTLE for this kind of garbage from anyone. It sounds to me like he's getting everything he wants without "paying" for it (doing his part, helping out financially, being/staying committed to you, etc.).
Put his things out in the hall of your apartment TODAY (or the day after you have the locks changed).
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