My boyfriend takes my money.

**Lunar_Lilith** · 11-21-2010 08:07 AM

I've been with him for 7 months so far and its going good. Except we argue sometimes and i think he uses me for my money. He used to be obsessed with this computer game, and he always made me buy things that he needed for the game. I have a minimum wage paying job (i'm 17) and he doesn't have a job at all. He occasionally works in his family's bar but keeps the money for himself. To cut to the chase, I've spent over $200 on him for this videogame. If I refused to fork up my paycheck to him, he would yell at me and make me feel bad for not giving him any money. He thinks as if its what I'm supposed to do for him. He even told me at times that he would pay the money back to me, and when he got a job he would give me most of his paychecks because I spent so much money on him, but when I ask him about it he completely denies everything and says that he never agreed to pay me back anything. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that I gave him so much money, I wasted it for nothing, he doesn't appreciate what I do for him and I'm not getting a penny of that money back. It's hard for him to even get a dollar off of him to buy a soda at school. He also boasts about how good he manipulates me into doing this. How could I be so stupid? What should i do? Please help me.

**SSDS** · 11-21-2010 08:19 AM

Not okay. Do me a favor and read over your question to yourself. Try to imagine you are someone else -- not involved. Would you like to be that girl who is totally and completely not being treated right.

My advice is-- you are young and this is a learning experience. Separate yourself from this guy and move on, consider it a lesson learned. Forget the money or involve your parents or others if necessary. You do not have to stay with this guy.

I'm sorry if you don't want to hear this, but reading this made me so sad for your situation. Money is replaceable, respect is obviously hard to come by in some instances.

**WildChild** · 11-21-2010 08:40 AM

Lets see what you have here:

You argue
He is obsessed with a computer game
You have a job - he doesn't
When he gets money he spends it only on himself
You've spent over $200 on his game stuff
He yells at you if you don't give him money
He lies, saying he will pay you back and then denying that he said it
You admit that he has used you and doesn't appreciate you
You feel sick about the situation
He boasts about manipulating you.

The only problem I see is your first statement, "I've been with him for 7 months so far and its going good"

I would like you to explain just What IS Good about any of this ?

**Lunar_Lilith** · 11-21-2010 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Lets see what you have here:

You argue
He is obsessed with a computer game
You have a job - he doesn't
When he gets money he spends it only on himself
You've spent over $200 on his game stuff
He yells at you if you don't give him money
He lies, saying he will pay you back and then denying that he said it
You admit that he has used you and doesn't appreciate you
You feel sick about the situation
He boasts about manipulating you.

The only problem I see is your first statement, "I've been with him for 7 months so far and its going good"

I would like you to explain just What IS Good about any of this ?

Oh, I just meant besides all of this money stuff, he is a good guy....
I've thought about getting our parents involved but mine are smart. They already know whats going on and they basically hate him for it. I haven't been giving him any money lately. I told him that from now on he isn't getting any money from me and he doesn't believe me. But I'm really going to stick to it. And if he puts up a fit that I don't give him money when i get paid or whatever, I'm going to tell his mom whats been going on between us. She is really against a man taking money from a woman. She would set him straight. But then he would be mad at me for telling and probably dump me but this has to stop one way or another right?

**caterpillar79** · 11-21-2010 08:50 AM

The one who loves gets blinded by her emotions....

You're better off without him so it seems.

**caterpillar79** · 11-21-2010 08:57 AM

Would you give us his GOOD points? I don't see it on your reply... If he is a good guy, what does he do for you? How does he treat you? Behaves generally?

**Daisy1007** · 11-21-2010 09:12 AM

My advice is to forget about the money and break up with him. It sounds like you like him, but if he is taking your money now it is only going to get worse. If you are being responsible and working, you deserves someone who isn't going to be lazy and take your money!

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-21-2010 09:35 AM

Some guys will only rise to the bar you set... and it sounds like you have set the bar so low for this guy that he doesn't have to do anything special to make you happy... just not using you and mistreating you would be enough for you to feel like he's a good guy. He sounds like an entitled brat. And the selfishness he has about money... oh it goes beyond money. Someone that displays a greedy, me, me , me dimension of their personality towards one thing has it for many if not every other area of life.

I'm sure you can not expect him to do ANYTHING for you or with you that he already wasn't planning on doing, that if he doesn't want to go somewhere... you guys aren't going... despite how much you want to go. Maybe he's cute? Maybe he can be funny sometimes? Maybe he smiles at you and your heart melts and you forget about all the things he does that make you feel disrespected and used. But you have to weigh the good with the bad.

Having a boyfriend, having someone in your life should be a good thing... should add to your happiness, should make things MORE fun, not less... If you are spending more time miserable than happy... its time to rethink what you are doing there. Stop giving him your money. It would be different if you were both sharing together but you aren't. You give. He takes. You complain about it, he shrugs, you keep giving... he keeps taking.

I think he is taking you for granted and taking advantage of how you feel about him. When a man cares about YOU... he wants to take care of YOU... he wants you to be happy and feel good... he doesn't act like he cares.

**Lunar_Lilith** · 11-21-2010 09:42 AM

I understand your point, Daisy. I don't think he's going to be lazy like this all his life, he's going to go to college and/or join the marines. I noticed that I seem to be defending him, even though I'm asking for advice from you all here. It's just that, when we're not having having problems, which is just here and there but not everyday, he's amazing. He's protective, generally he tells me the truth about things and he's just really the closest person to me. I know he loves me alot. We've been through alot of stuff together and we want to keep our relationship with each other. I don't think I'm going to break up with him over this. So I prefer alternatives than breaking up. Breaking up is the last resort.

**Lunar_Lilith** · 11-21-2010 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Some guys will only rise to the bar you set... and it sounds like you have set the bar so low for this guy that he doesn't have to do anything special to make you happy... just not using you and mistreating you would be enough for you to feel like he's a good guy. He sounds like an entitled brat. And the selfishness he has about money... oh it goes beyond money. Someone that displays a greedy, me, me , me dimension of their personality towards one thing has it for many if not every other area of life.

I'm sure you can not expect him to do ANYTHING for you or with you that he already wasn't planning on doing, that if he doesn't want to go somewhere... you guys aren't going... despite how much you want to go. Maybe he's cute? Maybe he can be funny sometimes? Maybe he smiles at you and your heart melts and you forget about all the things he does that make you feel disrespected and used. But you have to weigh the good with the bad.

Having a boyfriend, having someone in your life should be a good thing... should add to your happiness, should make things MORE fun, not less... If you are spending more time miserable than happy... its time to rethink what you are doing there. Stop giving him your money. It would be different if you were both sharing together but you aren't. You give. He takes. You complain about it, he shrugs, you keep giving... he keeps taking.

I think he is taking you for granted and taking advantage of how you feel about him. When a man cares about YOU... he wants to take care of YOU... he wants you to be happy and feel good... he doesn't act like he cares.

Thanks for your response. It made me think. Sometimes his selfishness goes beyond but not always. If I want to go somewhere than he takes me. Rarely does he act like a brat and say "I don't want to go so we're not going". That's what makes this even harder for me. But lately, our problems with money have subsided. I just want it to go away completely so it doesn't continue because I honestly can't take anymore of that BS. And yeah your right, its his smile and his looks that make me forget about everything bad for a while. If we fight we just make love and make up, then the problem is over and we move on and are happy again.....:/.