advice on dating

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-22-2010 01:39 PM

I'm 24 and I haven't really dated much, I want to change that.

I have been hurt by the only two men I dated and Im scared this will happen again. Im inexpierenced dating/sex and I get attached easily and im shy - I can't get into anything serious as Im in school and thats my #1 focus but how do you meet/approach guys?

I don't want to get going to the bars/parties I can't afford to waste my money, plentyoffish.com was no luck and guys just dont't randomly come up to you. any pointers?

**KMonte85** · 11-22-2010 01:57 PM

Do you partake in any clubs, hobbies or sports?

I agree, meeting a guy in the bar is not optimal, even though it seems like that's what everyone's doing these days. So it must work on some accounts. But I've always thought that if you meet people with whom you already know you share an interest, it makes getting to know each other easier... you've already got something to talk about.

So think about the things you like to do, and join a club that is involved with that, go volunteer of an organization you believe in, join a gym, take a vocational class in something you find interesting. And try talking to the people you meet along the way. Smile, be friendly.. start conversations if you're feeling up to it, but at least make yourself approachable and respond when someone strikes up a conversation with you! Get to know them on a friend level first so the pressure to make it something more doesn't scare you away... its really tough to open ourselves up to new friendships when we're under so much pressure to make it more than that, so don't force yourself unnaturally...

Also, if and when you find that guy you want to date, take it slow. Being someone who gets attached easily and doesn't have much dating/sex experience, I think it would be a mistake for you to jump right into sex. Get to know each other, flirt, kiss, date... and after having spent a lot of time together, then decide if you should take it to the level of sex. Don't ever let a guy pressure you into sex... if he's not willing to wait then he's not the right guy as far as I'm concerned. Because a man who's interested in you as a person will be willing and happy to wait until YOU are ready.

**Bieze** · 11-22-2010 02:06 PM

I agree with KMonte. Also I found the okcupid.com was a good website to meet people. a lot better than pof.

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-22-2010 04:53 PM

That's excellent advice.

I agree jumping into sex ruins things. It's unforcenate I didn't date in the past and Im not going to bother going over why as the past can't change but we learn from our mistakes. I think i need to date a few guys before I find "the one"

I am busy I take 4 university classes, work 24 hours a week I do agree joining clubs and meeting people through friends are the best ways but it's hard when im short on time maybe at the gym? or what else?

I really do agree getting to take the time to know the person before you jump into sex becuase they should care about u and not just sex and they'll wait for you if your not ready. I learned a lot from the last guy, well I was really good to him but he just treated me like dirt becuase I was inexpierenced and gave up too soon.

Thanks

**annalove11** · 11-22-2010 10:57 PM

I really do agree getting to take the time to know the person before you jump into sex becuase they should care about u and not just sex and they'll wait for you if your not ready. Sugarmommadate.com is a great dating site, you can have a try if you like.

**KMonte85** · 11-23-2010 07:37 AM

Are there any men in your classes that you find interesting and would like to get to know better? Start there.. You already have a similarity with these guys that you can talk about - your class, your university, etc..

Probably a good idea to avoid getting involved with any men at work - that can turn into a very sticky situation, so best to look elsewhere.

Otherwise, try to make some time for clubs or volunteer work or the gym. The best part about these activities is that you only have to go when you can - you aren't required to be there like you are with work. So when you have less hours at work, or a slow week at your uni, you can spend more time at the activity of your choice, getting to know new friends.

Glad you agree on the sex thing... when I was younger and just getting into dating, I had so many guys try to pressure me into having sex. I refused unless I was completely and totally comfortable with the guy and the relationship (which, was pretty much never)... I always ended up losing the guy, but to me, that was a benefit because I realized just what type of person I was wasting my time with. You'll find a great guy, it just usually doesn't happen as fast as we'd like, but each dating experience or ended relationship is a learning experience and one step closer to finding someone who is perfect for you!

**AnastasiaRose** · 11-23-2010 07:38 PM

Thanks kmonte,

Your very right about everything I'll try to make my best to find time for activities and when i do find someone get to know them to see if they respect me and not pressure me. Its very difficult to meet men in classes as we have to pay attention to what were doing in class.

I'll definitely stay away from men I work with - been there done that, about a year ago I dated someone who broke my heart, lied, cheated (almost got another girl pregnant) , gave me a std, used me, lead me on etc. (I wrote a post or two about him not too long ago). I know what to stay away from for sure.

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