Okay, So Now What?

**Bieze** · 11-23-2010 09:08 AM

Here is a summary. I know it is long.
When my boyfriend and I started dating things were great. But since then I have found text messages of him flirt with other girls, he has spent over $1000 on my credit card with out my knowledge or permission, and he has taken my car with out my permission. I have forgiven him for each of these things, but lately we have been fighting. I looked in him phone again and found a message saying he wanted to see the girl he has flirted with in the past, but that he cannot because I snoop. I confronted him and he got upset because I looked in his phone, which I agree was wrong of me. But now we have been sleeping in separate locations, one of us on the couch. He slept in the bed with me two nights ago, but then last night when I asked if he wanted to cuddle and sleep in the same bed he said that he just can't sleep in the same bed as me. I take up too much space.

I have brought up the idea of us getting a bigger bed before but he just shot that idea down, saying it was too expensive.
After our most recent fight he told me that he was going spend thanksgiving with his mom and that thanksgiving was for family and that he sees me everyday.
I have depression and I feel guilty because when the relationship started I was in a stable place, now my medicine is off and I am just emotionally raw.
I love him and I want to be with him but things need to change.

OK SO UPDATE:
I broke up with him. He is now being a complete jerk to me. He is refusing to leave the apartment that I have paid everything for. He is on the lease and is saying that he has a right to stay. But he doesn't pay anything. I was fine with the idea of giving him some time to get on his feet before making him move out, but he is being a complete to the point where it is bordering on verbally abusive. I am trying to talk with my landlord to see what my options are. I stayed at a friend's place last night and came home this morning to find the apartment deadbolted so I couldn't get in. I had to call him to let me inside MY apartment.
When I walked inside I found 7 empty beer cans, and empty bottle of booze, peanut butter and other food, and a couple of my personal things on the coffee table.
I simply said to him "please do not touch my things" and he responded with "Please leave my friends and I alone tonight"
He is planning on having friends over to drink tonight. Well big surprise to him. I bought all the liquor- I am taking it.

I don't want to fight like this, I don't want to be mean to him because I still care about him, but I cannot live like this.

**pretzel** · 11-23-2010 10:08 AM

Well, unfortunately civility seems to have gone out the window. That's a shame as it seems to something you would have liked. As for the immediate situation,

He has an issue with the landlord it seems. Him placing a deadbolt on the door without the landlord's knowledge could be construed as a violation of the terms of the lease. That's on him as you weren't party to that.

As for the lease, you may try to get the landlord to allow you to sublet your share. Legally you would be responsible to the landlord, but if an acceptable alternative renter is found, you and that person could enter into an agreement and assign your rights to that lease to him.

As for your relationship with your boyfriend, I don't think there is a common ground for you. This has the makings of a very bad breakup and you need to protect your interests as well as your well being in order to move forward.

**Bieze** · 11-23-2010 10:40 AM

I just spoke with the landlord. She said that we are each individually and wholely responsible for the rent. Her example was I am responsible for paying both our halves even if he doesnt have a job otherwise we can be evicted. but legally she said he has the right to remain there since he is on the lease.
So basically unless he decides to move his jerk-self out of the apartment I am stuck paying the whole amount of the rent on my own otherwise we get evicted and I have to pay for all of that.
I don't know how to make him leave. I guess according to the landlord he legally has a right to stay. but there has to be something I can do.

**KMonte85** · 11-23-2010 10:45 AM

Obviously he is going to make this breakup as miserable as possible, and you're right - you shouldn't have to live like that. Your ex is most likely going to try to make every day a living for you just out of spite (and immaturity).

You need to speak with your landlord. Be honest about the situation.. you're no longer together, and you're unable to live under the same roof in a civil manner. You want to review the lease agreement. Tell him that you're the one who pays the rent, and you would like to discuss what options you have for keeping the apartment with a new lease under only your name. He might tell you there's nothing you can do, but maybe there is something that can be done. You won't know until you own up. Or you talk to him about what it would take to get your name off the lease and move out. No, it isn't fair - you've paid for the apt the whole time thus far, but is it worth it to stick around when you're going to have such a horrid roommate?

If you've got some cash, you can also speak with an attorney about what you can/should do...

**pretzel** · 11-23-2010 10:47 AM

Your landlord is right.

You'll have to take him to court to get your half of the rent.

Even if he leaves and you stay, you would have to do the same.

Either way, make sure you now have all your documents in order. Keep bank statements, credit card statements, etc. that pertain to all the expenses related to the apt. You'll need these to recover your half.

**KMonte85** · 11-23-2010 10:48 AM

Oh sorry, I sent and didn't see your update!

So, now you know your landlord isn't on your side. You still can speak with an attorney, they often have a much better idea of the options you have than even a landlord does. don't forget - the landlord is trying to protect HIMSELF, and telling you that you're responsible for his half, which is true unfortunately, is only helping him, and could be one of a few different options you have.

How much more time is on the lease agreement?

**Bieze** · 11-23-2010 11:06 AM

The lease end on 10/30/11.
I cannot wait that long.
He needs to move out!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-23-2010 01:42 PM

Yuck....what a cruddy situation. I'd give it another shot with the landlord. Compose yourself, look professional (like you mean business) and go back in for a very direct conversation. Tell him you have been given no other choice but to hire a lawyer in the event you can't work something out with him.

He, being the landlord, can only do so much, legally. I'm not sure he can do anything more than what he's telling you. But I can say that it doesn't seem right that you can't get out (cause you'll be stuck with the rent) and he won't leave. Also, the deadbolting of the door.

Other than that, I think you're either going to have to try to be nice about it and work on getting this guy out, or at least working on him to agree to sign you off the lease........or get a lawyer.

**Futureboy** · 11-23-2010 01:57 PM

Put all your furniture in storage move all your postal stuff to your parents and get evicted. Rent a room off a friend until the whole eviction list thing dies down and re rent some where else. You could even tell the landlord thats what you are forced to do and re-rent from the landlord.

Loss of deposit = Life back

In the UK you could change the locks and if he broke in it would be criminal damage but the fall out would be a nightmare.

Good luck

**sallyskellington** · 11-23-2010 06:42 PM

I'm quite spiteful and nasty so I won't comment on how I would handle it, all I can say is find out if there is any legal action you can take to get him out of your place, it may stink spending the money at first but in the long run it would be a worth while investment.
Good luck

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