Thread: Ex Wants Me Back- Confused

Hi snowlady, I think your concerns are very valid.

Reading your post, it almost sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into all the reasonswhy you should take him back.

If the roles were reversed, and you had left him with another man being a "small" part of the reason, do you think he would consider taking you back?

Also, I'm wondering why he is crawling back now after 8 months....and if you take him back, what kind of message that may give to him. It may seem easier for him the next time around to think he can do something wrong and get away with it? Just putting it out there.

I don't know that making it hard for him and then taking him back is really going to give you the dignity back that you lost when he broke up with you 8 months ago.

Of course, only you can decide what it is you want and why but tread with caution here....

In response to WildChild:

I think in my perfect world, it would all work out, we would fall back inlove, have babies and live a happy life.

HAH!! But I understand that may not be realistic. If it is, not sure on how to get there

Tesoro,

I think you hit the nail on the head with your response. I think these are my concerns. You gave me a few more questions to ask him, thank you.

My major concern is why it took him 8 months to decide he wanted you back?

...Ah, so someone has seen that the grass is not greener!

There are some who will "learn their lesson" and never again stray; but from what I have seen (friends/aquaintances) 90% of them will do it again.
Tesoro has a valid point: "what type of message are you sending him if you take him back?" It's ok?, I'll take you back again next time too?

Personally the wife and I have an agreement - 1 time cheating and it's over! We both know this, and we know that it's not just talk. There would be no coming back - ever!

Be very careful with this descision, you could regret it (imo: 90% chance) or thank God that you made it (10% chance). The choice is yours.

Your experience resonates with me fully, though a bit different such that, it only took him 2 months to get his balls back in place and face the reality of us being better off together. Also, he didn't date any girl, though he sort of flirted with one that I was not convinced was not a "small factor" (like yours).

I did take him back and married him. But had he not proposed and not shown me he's a better man; had he not spoken soon enough; had he not (promised and shown) compromise and respect for my boundaries/standards - I won't be married to him now. And now that we're married, I hold him accountable all the more.

Please evaluate and ask yourself the following: 1) What I really wanted, 2) what type of man suits me, 3) my boundaries and how to stick to it and be assertive, 4) be happy on my own, 5) how much time I want to give him to "prove" that he's worthy of my time and love, 6) what things are my "negotiables" and "non-negotiables".

Just some pointers that might help you think things through. I remember how I was so scared to risk giving him another chance. I was in a situation where I had to choose between two men, one whom I just met for less than 2 months, but was wonderful, vs. him, whom I know deep down who he really is and what he's made of...

Bear in mind that with men, what you see is what you get. Do not consider "what he is capable of", for he might disappoint you. And by thinking of "what he's capable of", women commonly tend to wanting to change the man she is with - it's not possible.

So, have a thought and then get back with us.

Take care.

I am the male half of a similar situation. There was no lying, there was no cheating. We were together for nearly two years and then she dumped me. I was broken hearted, crushed, devastated, while she moved on to Mr. next inline and didn't appear to blink an eye. She also asked me to have no contact with her or anyone in her family ever again

For what ever reason, things didn't work out for them. It's not my place to judge or even guess as to what went wrong and why. I wasn't aware that they had broken up until she contacted me. I didn't know what to say. I was speechless!

We are back together and working through some things that needed work the first time. It isn't perfect...not by a long shot...but we're both very happy and thankful for a second chance.

You can analyze your situation to death. You can worry about what happend before and wonder if it will happen again. Or you can move forward with renewed enthusiasm that may be a bit cautious at first but worth all of your efforts in the end. People make mistakes, I know that I have made plenty.

I went with my gut and followed my heart and I am very glad that I did.