Thread: Any thoughts would be more than welcome...

I think there is one thing you have to realize in order to meet, and develop a successful meaningful relationship... and that is that personality matters far more to women than looks. Of course a basic attraction has to be there for most women... its the guys that make us laugh, makes us feel good about ourselves that steal our hearts.

Those beautiful women you see with average joe's...or below average joes, the guys that arent rich arent brad pitts... are probably funny, sweet, charming guys.

If you have a scale for women... your comment about none of your friends are with 10's so your doomed to settle to made my stomach turn to be honest... you can't judge a woman by her looks alone and rate her on a scale... what if shes a 10 in looks, but cheats, is cruel, is boring, etc... a 10 in looks may end up being 3 when you factor in personality.

You should definitly look for things that physically attract you in a woman, but you have to understand that being happy, falling in love, isn't about perfection... its about the total picture of a person. A girl thats a 7 on your scale, that can make you laugh... is fun, treats you like a king... will make her a 10 in your eyes and thats how it should be.


Its not about approuch. If a girl says no when you ask her out, its probably not the way you asked it that caused her to say no, it was likely that she just wasn't interested for whatever reason... maybe she was seeing someone else, maybe she didn't feel the same attraction you did, who knows... when you go in 'cold' and ask someone out... the success rate on that isn't very high to begin with for any guy.

If you see a girl you are attracted to instead of asking her out, just talk to her... like a person. Be yourself, the same charm that got you all those friends will also serve you well with females... the problem is you probably are not letting your personality shine around the women you like so they aren't finding you as interesting as you truly are.

Don't speak to women as potential or non potential wife material upon first meeting. Instead just talk to women in general... talk about whats relevent to the situation you are in with them... make the same commentary you would if it were a guy or a friend... be loose, be yourself, and focus on just talking to girls period and building confidene in that area.

This way you will face less rejection. If you go in cold for the ask out, 9/10 you will get a no. But if you just strike up conversation, you can get an opportunity to read her body signals, is she engaged in what you are saying? or is she turning her head and looking on... one would be one you may ask out, the other... not so much -- little cue's like that.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think there is one thing you have to realize in order to meet, and develop a successful meaningful relationship... and that is that personality matters far more to women than looks. Of course a basic attraction has to be there for most women... its the guys that make us laugh, makes us feel good about ourselves that steal our hearts.

definitely agree.

but a lot of people including both my younger sisters (early 20s) have opined that i'm way to immature for my age. i can't say i disagree. but is there a contradiction between acting mature and "being yourself"? or do i need to genuinely change my ways?

this is a question i've been unable to answer, because i think "yes" sometimes and "no" at others.
Those beautiful women you see with average joe's...or below average joes, the guys that arent rich arent brad pitts... are probably funny, sweet, charming guys.

If you have a scale for women... your comment about none of your friends are with 10's so your doomed to settle to made my stomach turn to be honest... you can't judge a woman by her looks alone and rate her on a scale... what if shes a 10 in looks, but cheats, is cruel, is boring, etc... a 10 in looks may end up being 3 when you factor in personality.

once again, i myself am not really sure what i meant when i said this. i mean i know what i mean, buts it hard ot explain to others. like, i feel like i'm reasonable in that i don't need a girl who looks like Marisa Miller. frankly, i don't WANT someone who looks like that. to me supermodel looks just aren't "real"....don't get me wrong, i think Marisa is gorgeous, but i don't need someone that hot.

i'm definitely attracted to girls more on their personality...but then again, how much do i know these girls beyond the way they talk and the general way they carry themselves? but i still feel like i'm not that superficial.

but then sometimes i feel like i've set the bar way to high. that, like you said, its not my approach, its just that these girls are too good for me. but i hate to have such a defeatist attitude. but is there not some truth to that?

You should definitly look for things that physically attract you in a woman, but you have to understand that being happy, falling in love, isn't about perfection... its about the total picture of a person. A girl thats a 7 on your scale, that can make you laugh... is fun, treats you like a king... will make her a 10 in your eyes and thats how it should be.

definitely agree here. i think every girl i've fallen into one-sided love with is a 7 who i made to be an 11 in my mind.

If you see a girl you are attracted to instead of asking her out, just talk to her... like a person. Be yourself, the same charm that got you all those friends will also serve you well with females... the problem is you probably are not letting your personality shine around the women you like so they aren't finding you as interesting as you truly are.

Don't speak to women as potential or non potential wife material upon first meeting. Instead just talk to women in general... talk about whats relevent to the situation you are in with them... make the same commentary you would if it were a guy or a friend... be loose, be yourself, and focus on just talking to girls period and building confidene in that area.

This way you will face less rejection. If you go in cold for the ask out, 9/10 you will get a no. But if you just strike up conversation, you can get an opportunity to read her body signals, is she engaged in what you are saying? or is she turning her head and looking on... one would be one you may ask out, the other... not so much -- little cue's like that.

OK, so twice now i've seen a girl i've really liked - and not just for her physical beauty. and twice i attempted to talk to them and be their friend first and see if i could figure out if they felt the same way. both times, i eventually had to reveal my true feelings only to get polite "uhhh...i'm not interested"s as an answer.

So do you think maybe i should straight up tell a girl "look i like you, how do u feel?" and that way if they're not interested, i don't waste 6 months of my life?

Or is being 0 for 2, too small a sample size to say that the former method is no good?