M Y all was not good enough.Help.How can I get my heart back from Rejection(Plz read)

**MYALL99** · 12-01-2010 09:10 PM

Long story short..
I had been in and out of the mental hospital because of my depression. I was sent to get group theraphy from my phychiatrist. I was so depressed and had
just gotten out of a bad relationship.At this group I met a lady that introduced me to this guy.
Well we started talking, I have no idea what she told him about me. But she said "I'm a nice girl and that he should take me out"so he took me out we went to the movies then had Dinner at Denny's.
He would call me everyday non stop, I really wasn't into him and he was far from my type.But he was calling me and showing me some kindness. After a couple of weeks I started spending the night over his place. We would watch movies and talk nothing sexual. After about a month I got put back into the hospital, because of work issues and my depression. To make a long story short after a week of being out of the hospital. I got drunk and went to his house and it just happen. Moving along I did not hear from him for almost a whole month. I felt so bad I was like

h my God" he just had sex and left me hanging. He finally called I'm gonna move it along fast. After the second time we had sex. He started being an . He would say rude coments.Several ocassions he started yelling at me.He stoped buying me dinner and didn't want to take me out. I'd say well when are we going to dinner he'd say. I got food in the house and I aint got that kind of money.Which was a total lie.He Stoped calling like he use to.Several ocassion the next morning after sex, he would say you better hurry up. Before you catch traffic. When really he just wanted me to leave.I still would go over his house and have sex with him. I just got obsessed with him touching me and would let him, have his way even after the attitude he gave.Recently I cut it off..He started talking about other woman. One time he even said "If I had a lot of female friends I'd be cool" He started talking about marriage out of the blue. He said he wanted to get married(not to me) I said well why don't you then.He said because he has not found the right woman.Those words hurt so bad just to hear. I got off the phone and cried my eyes out. I was like oh my Goodness What have I done, that he did not want a relationship with me. I blamed my sex for being bad ,because that's all we did.Anywho I went over his house once again hoping he'd have a change of heart.Stil the same thing. Around this time I had developed strong feeling for him,and would cringe.When he brought up another woman,but i did not say anything.Because he was not my boyfriend.The final time I had sex with him. that's when the hit the fan.Something told me not to go over there but, I just had an urge to go. When I got outside his place I called and let him know I was there. He did not come out to the gate.So I went to the door we started talking and had sex.I decided to spend the night it was late.He then started talking about marriage and women again. He picke up his phone and it was a picture of a woman as the walpaper. I carelessly asked who is that, nicely.He said oh that just some girl that likes me,He said I don't like her but she like me"And I'm gonna ask her if she wanna go to the game with me. I could not beleive he had the nerve to say this to my face.The whole rest of the night he treated me as I was not there. He went in the kitchen and made hisself dinner.And stay there the whole time to eat it didn't offer me. He said that the girl in the picture was coming over. To take him to the store.In the morning. nothing...I wound up going to sleep and left the next morning. I cried my whole way home. i guess that was his way of letting me know. That he was no longer interested in me.I keep wondering what I did wrong.?He just overlooked me used me up then left.So I wound up back in the hospital once again.Self -esteem 6 feet in the ground.In the hospital I gave up and never desired to call him.But the hurt is still there.The heartbreak everything I felt before I met him Is back ten times worst.I remember when I use to ask him.How does he feel about are friendship he'd be silent. Then say it's ok or it's cool. I asked him to kiss me one time he ignored me.I don't know why I stayed giving myself to him. After the way he treated me, I guess I was lonely and need to get away.SoIs there any positive advise. For me Because I feel awfull and that my sex drove him away.Any one been in a similar situation...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 12-02-2010 06:54 AM

Good morning.

It's totally normally to want to be wanted. We all do in some form. But the thing is, everything you've described to us SCREAMS that you are nowhere near ready for a relationship with any man at this point. This guys not special.....he's just like any other jerk off that uses women for sex. Whoever set you up with him simply didn't know him well enough to be setting him up with anyone. So he doesn't want you, I'm sure there are lots of other women in that club with you......but really, you don't want him either. You just want to be wanted. It's not HIM you want. You know that a man who would treat a woman like that is nowhere NEAR good enough for you.

Stick to working on you. Focus on your therapy, focus on self improvement. This is YOUR life and in order for it to be a happy one, you've got to get right with yourself first. You feel like that's not possible because you're so far into depression? It's not only possible but it's a necessity. Life can be good for you.

So...focus on you, your health, and getting yourself better. Forget about the zero's (that guy is DEFINITELY a zero).

**MYALL99** · 12-03-2010 01:28 PM

Thanks you dear so much..For kind honest words
I've heard it from so many people that I'm
not ready for a relationship/ Has to be true.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 12-03-2010 01:56 PM

Yes mam! Let me tell you from someone who has been through the pits and back with relationships.....there is SO much happiness out there, SO much to enjoy and experience that has absolutely ZERO to do with being in a relationship. A man is not a requirement for happiness and a man will never complete you. There are just so many wonderful things out there in life to experience. And when you're single, you've got it ALL at your fingertips. The excitement is infectious and those around you that are in relationships will find themselves envious of your freedom, your excitement for life, your experiences, etc.

No....now's NOT the time to try to hook up with a fella. It is the time to decide how you're going to get to know yourself better. Read "Eat Pray Love" in your spare time.

**CandyCloud** · 12-04-2010 02:53 PM

Hi MyAll,

I'm sorry about everything that this guy put you through. Only a real loser like that would use a woman. I have to agree 100% with Beautiful Disaster on this one - this is definitely a time you should focus on you. I know it feels like that rejection will last forever, but time is the best way to heal wounds. Keep your mind occupied with doing the things you enjoy doing most and before you know it that feeling of rejection will have lessened and then eventually it will be gone.