I'm frustrated

**kygirl** · 12-06-2010 07:13 AM

I feel like I am still in some weird funk since J and I broke up even though it was a couple months ago. It's just like part of me has gotten to the point where I just don't know if I have the energy to even try to date anymore. Most of the time, I think I'd rather be alone. I mean, I don't *really* want to be alone, I just don't want to deal with starting all over again, so it'd be easier to just be alone.

I want to not feel this way, but I can't help it. I have mixed feelings about everything all the time. it's not really fair to the guys I'm talking to. I mean, I just am not sure how to just care again? I feel like if I had walls before, I really really have walls now, and this time they are made of something much stronger than they were before.

**pretzel** · 12-06-2010 07:35 AM

I know you don't want to feel this way, but the process and the time allowed to process your breakup with J isn't always on the same schedule.

What I mean is, first off, the breakup came from left field to begin with. That's doubly hard since by all indications the two of you seemed pretty happy with each other. Under normal circumstances it would take a while to process this and come to terms with it.

Now, add you school schedule and the demands of that. Last time I checked, law school was pretty demanding and if memory serves correctly, your schedule this semester is pretty full.

Aren't you still working also?

Now, where in the list of things to prioritize your thought processes does getting over your breakup with J fitting in?

**kygirl** · 12-06-2010 08:05 AM

Yeah Good point. I mean, I have been trying to process. I just am not sure where to start sometimes you know? I have been working through my feelings, etc to some extent but I have gotten to the point where I just feel like I'm at a complete stand still. It's like part of me *wants* to move on, and part of me isn't sure how to. I've made a few advancements in my processing of what happened, and what I could (or couldn't) have done differently, but it's almost like everyone else is at a ten foot distance. Even my friends at times (again, I can figure out why that was), but it just sucks, and I am not sure what to do about it all. I've been out on two dates with this new guy and he's great, but he kissed me last night, and honestly I had a complete freak out. Not so much with him there. I did hold it in till he left, but still.

I'm in a such a weird place, and I haven't really been here before so I don't know what to do with it all...

**lizzardb63** · 12-06-2010 08:08 AM

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me randomly one day over the phone. It was extremely hard!! I would go out with my friends and there would be guys that would pursue me, but it just didn't seem worth giving up my single status (not that I wanted a status, but at that point it was a gift to be given). Anyway, so then one day I met a guy that just seemed different from everyone else. I told him how I felt (about taking it really slow) and well...we've been together for 9 months now.

Just give yourself the right amount of time. You'll know when you're ready to start dating again. It's actually fun and exciting...and SCARY! But...definitely more fun than scary. It just seems like you're not ready to date again. Give yourself some time to be you again and get to know yourself again.

**pretzel** · 12-06-2010 08:12 AM

Maybe it's just not your time just yet.

Hopefully others will be help more, but I would think that this may very well be a normal reaction.

Maybe it you could just realize that you gave everything you had to J and that the breakup wasn't your doing (which it wasn't) so in trying to figure out why, just stop and realize that things do happen for a reason, many times which we know no logical reason but that the time the two of you had together made you a better person, which it did.

**kygirl** · 12-06-2010 08:25 AM

Yeah, I don't regret it, I really don't. I just feel like he and I had a good relationship. Everything was great (EVERYTHING). And then now I just feel like the odds of that happening again are just slim to none. I know I'm busy, so it's not like I need to rush into have a boyfriend (and I have made that *very* clear) to the people I am dating. I just feel like I"m in a funk. I don't want to casually date, I don't want to be in a relationship, but I don't want to be alone. And I have to be one of those

I am definitely enjoying getting to know myself again, and to not feel pressured to do or be anything, but it's just like I can't shake this entirely. I'm not sure what it is going to take to shake it?

There are moments when I think I feel like I am getting better. Then I have moments where I just want to curl up at home and be a hermit

(I'm resisting the temptation) I just don't know how to make it better. My most recent venture has been to read and hope something inspires me.

**pretzel** · 12-06-2010 08:35 AM

Well, I've yet to meet someone who hasn't had at least once in their life who hasn't been in a funk, rut, down, you name it. It's our psyche telling us to just take it easy, relax and re-adjust yourself.

Don't worry, this won't be the last time you've hit a wall and wonder "what if", "will it get better" and so on.

It's life way of telling you to calm down, relax, and get back to who you are.

**WildChild** · 12-06-2010 09:09 AM

I'm right ther with you Kgirl. I get horny but no one interests me. I do have a number of options there, for possible realtionships or completely uncommitted, safe, sex - not intersted. I tried getting invilved with a friend and am rethinking that as I'm just not responsive. Going from being totally into a man, to totally not, is frustrating.

I do agree that it is a matter of time and healing. As long as we don't get stuck there forever, use this time for development in other areas?

**kygirl** · 12-06-2010 09:15 AM

Thank you WC. That describes exactly where I am at right now. I guess it bothers me because I am a very sexual person normally and I normally want to be close to people, etc and most of the time now, I don't even care. It's a weird state of being for me at the moment. I'm working on doing things I need to do like organizing my apartment, catching up on reading, visiting the spa, etc. It is just like I can't seem to shake this feeling that something is just a bit off no matter what I do, and it is incredibly aggravating at times because I am not sure why/what it is enough to even really explain it to people.

**Texinator** · 12-06-2010 10:50 AM

You had a good thing going - or at least you thought you did - and then it all changed from one moment to another when he decided to break up with you. It was a reminder that nothing lasts forever and that even a relationship that seems great one minute can be over and done with the next. So I'd bet you're probably wondering what the use is of trying to get into another relationship, of putting in all that time and effort to get to know someone else and getting close to them, if things might end up like that again. But that's just the nature of relationships. I think there is a bit of a sense of loss any time one ends, but you can't let that or the fear of getting hurt again keep you from finding happiness. It's just like riding a bike... you don't swear off bicycles if you fall off, just get your butt back on and go.

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