Boys will be boys?

**stella5** · 12-13-2010 10:49 PM

So quick question. I've been dating this guy for four months or so, and once he had me come have lunch with him at his work. He manages a large number of people, and his second-in-command met me and was the one who ushered me to his office. This number 2 guy was friendly and polite, no problems. Just the other day, my guy was telling me that his #2 had been really impressed with me. But he wasn't talking about my personality or even my face, but rather had gone on and on about my, um, . So I was a little offended that my man didn't stop the conversation with this guy and say something like "hey, that's my girl you're talking about" but rather had just joined in the conversation about my bum. His response? "Well, you know how guys talk. It's a compliment!". Um, really? I feel like that's sort of disrespectful. Thoughts?

**WildChild** · 12-13-2010 10:51 PM

If you feel it was disrespectful then it was, for you. You could return the 'compliment' and have a lengthy public convo with about his.

**SidneyAlive** · 12-14-2010 12:37 AM

Haha, forgive me, but guys are always talking about our butts i dunno, i kinda take it as a compliment..

i look at it as window shopping haha..

**Seeker_Advice** · 12-14-2010 04:33 AM

Ahhhh ladies, if only you could see your butts from our perspective.... Of course I'm a leg and man so I'm biased....

Just like WC said, if you felt it was disrespectful, then it was. It's as simple as that. I'd mention it to him, even discuss it a bit, then let it go.
If it happens again, that's a whole other issue.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-14-2010 05:34 AM

Yes guys are going to talk about our buts and boobs and whatever HOWEVER... your boyfriend SHOULD have told him it wasn't cool to talk about his girl like that. He could have said you have a pretty gf, or some other compliment without talking about the girl he loves like she's a peice of meat. Most men don't do that.... they know talking about someones girl, especially to her boyfriend, even more especially if hes a friend... and if he's a co-worker?? Talk about innappropriate.

Then on top of it all , if your boyfriend was going to be fine about his co-workers talking about you like that he should have had the decency to change the verbage when he told you what his co-worker thought of you. He could have said... they think my gfs hot and left it at that.

Hopefully he treats you well and this was just a boo-boo on his part. Boys will be boys yes! But the above described activity is exactly that... boys... something very high school..

**pretzel** · 12-14-2010 08:16 AM

Disrespectful, yes, but in a different manner.

That your bf and his co-worker talked about you in the manner they did, yes to a degree it is "boys will be boys" in a similar manner that you may talk about him between co-workers or other female friends. I would consider that "locker room" talk which I generally don't put alot of stock into.

What bothered me about it was that he felt it ok to talk to you in the same manner he talked to his co-worker. To me that shows a bit of disrespect to you as a person and a different feeling of the relationship at this stage. This is still a very new relationship. There is still an excitement and wowness to him realizing that he's involved with an attractive young lady. That doesn't excuse the fact that his lack of couthe and ability to verbalize that in a more complimentary fashion seems a bit immature on his part.

**SidneyAlive** · 12-14-2010 10:59 PM

Well once again i find myself in the minority here, if my b/f came home and said one of his buddies at work saw me and said i had a hot Butt, i wouldn't be offended, most of the clothes we wear are designed to accentuate our butts anyway, so it's prolly just kinda normal behaviour for guys.

No ??

**Seeker_Advice** · 12-15-2010 05:59 AM

I'm all about being respectful butt I must remind everyone that men think about something sexual, on average, every fifteen seconds, either consciously or subconsciously. Women are amazing beautiful beings designed and built to be attractive. So let's all agree that women are attractive... Add the influence of the fashion industry, that knows that sex is the number one best seller, who design all things to enhance the female form (clothing, cosmetics, fragrances, footwear, hair care, etc) and you have an unstoppable combination.

Men are going to notice...look...whatever. I know I do. Does that mean that I want to go to bed with every attractive woman I see, meet, greet? Hardly.

Same is true for most men.

**WildChild** · 12-15-2010 08:16 AM

Yeah, well I think about sex in some form about every 15 seconds too. But I don't find a need or justification to discuss men's attributes like they were a side of beef I was contemplating having butchered.

"Boys will be boys", thinking is more a justification for boys will be jerks and we need to stop being so accepting of it. Women hide a HUGE amount of the hurtful or disrespectful things men do and in many cases we are socialised to accept it. At this point in human interaction if we didn't we would have to just about entirely separate ourselves from male company.

I was raised with that carp. "If a boy is (teasing/harrassing/grabbing at/pinching/hair pulling) he likes you". No he doesn't, he is just being an Ahole and getting approval for it. They get away with that, it is met with indulgence, even approval, and the next step is grabbing at girls butts and breasts, making inappropriate remarks to her, then where does it go? (I can tell you it's ultimate extention, I was gang raped at 14) As a society we do have the "boys will be boys" mentality unfortunately in a way, amongst some members of our society, it extends to things like hitting women and rape. If you don't believe that, talk to some women who have been raped, especially if they have been through the legal system with it.

This isn't flirting, which is a playful, voluntary exchange between two people or more. This is treating a woman more like a car or other possession. It is objectifying. It is demeaning and belittling. What happens when bfs freinds make less than approving remarks? With this maturity level the young lady will probably get an early release from the jerk as he goes off to improve his standings by finding someone a wider range of his friends will lust after.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-20-2010 06:20 AM

Originally Posted by sidneyalive

Well once again i find myself in the minority here, if my b/f came home and said one of his buddies at work saw me and said i had a hot Butt, i wouldn't be offended, most of the clothes we wear are designed to accentuate our butts anyway, so it's prolly just kinda normal behaviour for guys.

No ??

No, its actually not normal behavior for guys. Not the part about coming and telling his gf that his friend said she had a hot behind. I love it when my boyfriend tells me I have a hot butt, or my butt looks great in those pants etc..or when he will joke that he can't stop staring at my boobs or something. I don't find that objectifying... because he's my boyfriend, and i love him.... and I know he loves me for me. He also tells me how funny I am and how pretty I am, and all of it makes me feel good.

He also respects women in general. I can't imagine him sitting around letting his friends rate my body parts, but even if it turned out to be that guys don't mind hearing that another guy likes their chicks camel toe, or her butt, or her leggs or whatever -- he could rephrase them when reporting that compliment back to her, like pretzel said.

The other day me and my boyfriend went to a party and he told me afterwards... that I was his hot date , that his friends kept complimenting him on how pretty I looked. I have no idea if anyone said anything and he just said that to be sweet... or if someone said something raunchy and he just changed the wording -- but the fact that he relayed that compliment to me in a way that made me feel good about myself is what I love about him.

A guy that is SO excited that his friends think your butt is hot, enough to tell you so -- is pretty immature. What if his friends said 'dang your girl has a hot butt... but what happened to her boobs???' Surely a guy immature enough to tell another 'man'... that he likes his gfs butt cheeks would probably critisize her as well. And while a guy may find that acceptable in general locker room talk -- to critique females they knows bodies -- gfs are usually off limits from that.. its a respect thing.

"My friends are so jealous -- they said you look amazing!" is a whole lot different than..."my friend thought you had a nice rack."

Women love compliments, heck men love compliments... people love to feel good about themselves... but most people like to feel like there is more to them than any one part and to have a body part be the only thing nice someone had to say about someone... shows where their heads at.