Thread: Why do men watch porn??

I think its important to separate someone watching porn when their partner isn't available from someone watching porn rather than having sex with their partner. My feeling is that the first isn't a big deal, just a variant of masturbation. The second (your case) is a real problem.

Have you been able to let him know that it isn't the porn as such, but rather that he is watching porn when he could be having sex with you. Maybe if you can put it directly he will understand how bad it is (what man wants to admit that they would rather jerk-off to pictures than have sex with a woman?)

On possible issue: does he watch some sort of fetish or unusual porn. Is there any chance he wants something that he isn't getting sexually. (I'm NOT saying that you should do something about that, just trying to understand what is going on).

In response to the opening question, men watch porn b/c we enjoy it. We enjoy lots of visually stimulating material. Watching sports, movies, operas, theatrical plays to name a few. But when it comes to watching sexual acts....there is no comparison. Watching people who are attractive engage in erotic pleasure is extremely stimulating to men both physically and mentally. In a healthy adult male (in my opinion), watching sexual acts and actually participating sexual acts don't compete nor compare with each other. Its like comparing apples and oranges...in a healthy male, they don't compare.

Men enjoy looking at beautiful women. I say that in a plural sense. We love our SO and we love to see her but we also appreciate all women we are attracted to. Every man I have known closely (can't speak for all) enjoy watching attractive people engage in sexual acts. This is very hard for most women to deal with. For some reason they seem to internally attach this to how we feel about them.

If your man is presumably healthy and attracted to you but turns you down but has enough mojo to watch/masterbate to porn....he might not be healthy sexually or mentally!

I just don't understand the mindset around the whole thing. I'm always hurt whenever I discover that my boyfriend has been looking at porn. I've tried to explain how I feel about it to him but we don't seem to understand each other on the subject.

Also, just to clarify, before I was with him, I watched porn too, nearly as much as any of my male friends. I'm not just someone who hates the thing as a whole. But when I fell for my man, other men became unattractive to me. Watching other people have sex gives me no pleasure now.

That said, for example, he tells me that he finds me very attractive and that if I were in some hypothetical situation to get plastic surgery, he would be angry, because he likes me the way I am. Yet, he admits to finding all these other women attractive. Self-esteem issues being put aside for this hypothetical situation, why would it be bad if I were more attractive to him?

Then of course there's the simple fact of masturbating to the image of another woman... I'm not sure how this isn't supposed to make us feel bad. If he can become so aroused by another woman, what are we supposed to think?

The "what" of the matter aside, what about simple consideration for your significant other's feelings? Regardless of whether or not I should be upset about it, the fact is that I am, and greatly so. He knows this. He always tells me how he hates upsetting me, how he wants to see me happy... So if he knows that this is one of the things he does that upsets me more than anything, why continue? Is it really -that- important to him? Does he really find it so difficult to masturbate to a mental or concrete image of me when I'm not there with him? Is it really fair that if our situations were reversed, I would stop, but he won't?