Are women only traditional when it's in their favor?

**Hurley** · 12-30-2010 07:30 AM

Most women are very traditional in that they want the man to do all the chasing, make the phone calls, put in all the effort. But are women really as traditional when it comes to who cooks the meals, does the housechores, stays at home and etc etc? To all women who wants the man to chase you and initiate all contact and so on, what do you do for the man except just agreeing to his advances and "gracing him with your presence"? Which most women seem to think men have to earn anyway by chasing them and putting in all the effort... I'm not trying to bash women here, but as a man I feel that I have the right to question why things have to be this way since we have it much harder when it comes to dating than women.

**KMonte85** · 12-30-2010 07:42 AM

I agree, men do have to bear the brunt of initiating when it come to the dating scene! But I don't know if this is soley because women "EXPECT" it, or because they are fearful that if they come on to a man, they will be viewed as "too aggressive," perhaps a bit skanky, and would be considered unattractive because of it. As much as there are women who wait for men to approach them, there are men who expect women to passively accept the approach and make no assertion themselves without being judged harshly.

I'm relatively traditional in my household. My fiance pursued me (although I did let him know that his pursuit would be successful). I take care of the meals, and most of the cleaning, he takes care of the outdoor household chores and "fixing" things around the house. Not that he can't cook (because he can) or I can't use power tools (because I can), but it is just the way we function well together.

From your posts, it sounds like you have been involved with women who have taken advantage of your good nature towards them. I hope you don't allow that to leave a bad taste in your mouth while in the dating scene. Unfortunately, if you do, you are only going to keep finding these sorts of bad-intentioned women, because any normal, loving, equality-minded women would be very unattracted to someone with the hard feelings you seem to harbor.

**LanaBear** · 12-30-2010 10:30 AM

If you stop with the negativity towards women and your generalizations, you would probably get a long a lot better in the relationship front because you harbor some serious resentment.

**Hurley** · 12-30-2010 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by LanaBear

If you stop with the negativity towards women and your generalizations, you would probably get a long a lot better in the relationship front because you harbor some serious resentment.

This is a legit thread and a legit question. It seems any time a man even dare's to question these things he will be labeled as a woman hater(or similar), If I really hated women I would hardly even care about these things now would I? Men who hate women have no intrest in women and would therefore not bother care about these things, I make these kinds of posts because I wish it was as easy for men as it is for women when it comes to dating.

**WildChild** · 12-30-2010 11:55 AM

I agree that men do have a stressful situation being the initiator traditionally. Things are changing but it is a slow process. There are men who are very demeaning about women who approach them, they assume that the woman only wants sex. That creates a harder situation for women when they are interested in a man.

Do you have any ideas how we can get around that?

**Seeker_Advice** · 12-30-2010 12:37 PM

That's the way it is.... God, or whatever you believe in(not being judgemental, just stating fact because I don't know), created MAN as the hunter and not the hunted.

It is our job and duty to leave the cave, go out, kill something and drag it home. The fact that we are responsible for the "chase" and some don't like it, is not a gender or society problem, .

**Hurley** · 12-30-2010 12:56 PM

It's not just me, plenty of men thinks this way. I don't need to like the chase just because I'm a man. Plenty of women don't want to stay at home with the kids(which is also traditional), instead they want to have a career and make money? Is that also wrong?

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I made this thread to see replys from women, not from men. Otherwise I wouldn't have made this thread in a forum for women now would I? Alot of men don't want to be the one doing all the chasing, I guess you are an exception and that's fine. There's no right and wrong here... I don't want to be the one initiating every single phone call and do all the work in a relationship, that's not gonna work out for me, I want some reciprocating from the woman.

**Hurley** · 12-30-2010 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I agree that men do have a stressful situation being the initiator traditionally. Things are changing but it is a slow process. There are men who are very demeaning about women who approach them, they assume that the woman only wants sex. That creates a harder situation for women when they are interested in a man.

Do you have any ideas how we can get around that?

From what I have seen men write and say, the majority of them have no problem with women approaching them. If a man didn't want a woman to approach him, then I would suspect him of being gay. Unfortunatley there's always some men who act like alpha males and says "it's our duty to chase" and demean women who do the approaching and men who don't want to be the one doing ALL the calling and putting in ALL the effort, These men are not the majority and they screw things up for the rest of the men. They are all entitled to their oppinion, if they like the chase then good for them... But there's nothing wrong with a man not wanting to chase and put in all the effort in a relationship.