What's the problem with being a little bit "clingy"

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-04-2011 01:54 PM

Reflecting on your past and trying to understand it can be a good thing. But remember that not all relationships are meant to work, so if we knock ourselves around trying to figure it out it can be quite pointless. You were yourself, he was himself, and it didn't work. Being aware going forward in your life, that you might tend to lean a little more in the "clingy" direction is good knowledge about yourself to have. Don't rearrange your daily schedule (especially things like coursework) so you can be with him. Instead, make the absolute best of the time you do have. And know that if things are meant to be, they'll work out slowly and with patience.

**Texinator** · 01-04-2011 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by *snowgirl*

Tex from what you said it would seem I am only very slightly clingy but he was very emotionally distant .... the mix is not good

Sounds about right. You planned ahead but you didn't plan everything out in detail for him and for you. He didn't plan at all, to the point of not having enough time for you. So I think you're correct in your assessment, especially about him being distant.

...and like BD said, not all relationships are meant to work. If they were, we'd only ever be in one relationship our entire life. Wouldn't that be nice... lol However, you should learn something from every relationship, about both yourself specifically and people in general.

**LanaBear** · 01-04-2011 01:58 PM

He may not have minded in the beginning, maybe even thought it was cute. However, as time goes by and clinginess starts becoming to the point of annoyance, he probably did start minding. Should he have told you? Sure, but, why do you feel you would have needed to change yourself?

There are plenty of people out there who would give, just as you did.

IMO, once you start arranging your life to fit another, you are in big trouble. You shouldn't do that, especially if it is not being returned.

I'm not a clingy person, probably like KM, anti-clingy. I have my own things I do, I don't do well with clinginess. I don't do well with someone always constantly wanting to know everything 24/7.

From everything you've said, yes, you seem clingy to me, BUT there is probably a guy out there who would appreciate it. Don't go changing yourself at what you perceive somebody wants you to be. All you can do is be yourself, you will attract the right person for you.

***snowgirl*** · 01-04-2011 02:17 PM

Perhaps you got slightly the wrong impression, I like to get work done early to make time for other things whether that involves a guy or not ... if I have something that I want to do I'd rather make time for that than waste time, so I didn't really make a big change.

I think people have a small range of how they act according to how the people around them are and still be happy ... I could quite easily have gone from the most clingy end to the least clingy end if I had known and been happy.

Tex you are right people should act the same way .... at the beginning someone pestering you about seeing you every day (quite clingy), to someone saying they can manage without you is not right and I think he became more withdrawn.

I realise I can't think about this too much but it is useful to hear opinions

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-04-2011 02:25 PM

Perhaps you got slightly the wrong impression, I like to get work done early to make time for other things whether that involves a guy or not ... if I have something that I want to do I'd rather make time for that than waste time, so I didn't really make a big change

That makes sense. I was just going off what you had previously said, "Although an example would be coursework, I did it early in order that with our hectic schedules that I could see him that week" That statement gave me the impression that you reworked your courses in a way so that you'd be able to spend time with him in the evenings.

I think what you're leaning towards with him is accurate. Whether you were clingy or not, he wasn't really invested in the relationship and wasnt willing to go the distance you were willing to go. You are who you are, and you'll find a guy that is just right for you.

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